


Attach Your Head To Your Heart Before It Strays

by Zeephyra



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Break Up, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, Eliott thinks too much, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Break Up, Romance, Things will get dark for Lucas, excessive alcohol use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:35:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 62,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28690269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeephyra/pseuds/Zeephyra
Summary: Three years have passed since Lucas’ last year in high school.It is now June 2023 and Lucas is happy. Not only is he soon to start a promising internship in a prestigious biology lab in Paris but he is also in a happy relationship with a kind and intelligent man. Not to mention that he is about to spend a week in Italy, where he will be best man at Yann’s wedding.And yet, Lucas feels anxious. For the first time in three years, he will have to be around the once beloved and trusted individuals who betrayed him. He will have to see the one man that, once upon a time, mattered more than anyone else. The man that broke his heart. The man Lucas thought, would love him for the rest of his life.But Eliott's plans had been different. Or had they really?
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant, Lucas Lallemant/Original Male Character
Comments: 264
Kudos: 182





	1. Safe and Grounded

**Author's Note:**

> (Title comes from the song Give it Away by The Shoes.) 
> 
> Salut! So this is my first Elu story and I am pretty anxious about sharing it! 
> 
> This should be a wild, emotional ride for the boys, with lots of angst, misunderstandings and miscommunication. Dark topics will be mentioned, too - TAGS WILL BE ADDED as the story progresses - but this story will have its happy ending! 
> 
> Here, the whole season 6 did not happen. Just so you know, I have nothing against season 6, I actually quite liked it, as well as the whole Mif characters but I felt like the big brother/little sister relationship between Eliott and Lola would have influenced some of Eliott’s reactions in ways that were just not the ones I wanted to explore. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this first chapter!

Heavily leaning against the window, Lucas carefully observes as the earth rapidly gets closer beneath them. He can’t stop the almost quiet, resigned sigh that escapes his throat when the tremors shaking the plane and the loud thud of wheels hitting the concrete indicate they have finally landed at their destination.

Lucas then feels the warm hand that had been resting comfortably on his thigh squeeze him softly. Grateful for what he knows is supposed to be a comforting gesture, Lucas covers the hand with his own to show his appreciation.

He can do this.

They were going to enjoy their one-week stay in beautiful Italy and then, they would be flying back home.

And not home as in London, but _home -_ as in Paris.

Lucas was still unsure whether or not this was a comforting thought.

They had built a life in London during the past three years and moving back to Paris was somehow scary. Even scarier than moving to a country to complete a degree in a language he could at the time barely speak. Which in the end, had been the perfect excuse to bury himself in work and thus effectively distract him from his still recent painful past.

After recently completing his degree in biology in London a few weeks ago, Lucas had been able to find an internship in a prestigious lab in Paris for the next coming year. His partner had also been lucky enough to easily find a job in the French capital – in the city that had seen them both born and where they would be starting their new life in two weeks. The prospect of new jobs and experiences, as exciting and stressing as it could be, was however not entirely what was weighing heavily on Lucas’ mind.

It was not moving back to Paris in itself that was scary; after all, he would once again be close to all his loved ones and Lucas' heart was filling up with a comforting warmth at the thought. No - moving back to the city where all his high school memories were hiding in every corner of every street – a park, a bench, a _café,_ a cinema, a restaurant or even a museum – was what scared him the most. It was the reason why they had moved to London in the first place. Because Lucas had been too weak to handle even just the idea of being confronted to all these places on a daily basis. So, when the offer had been presented to him, moving to England and live with his not-just-yet-but-almost boyfriend and to-be mother-in-law, had seemed like the easiest option.

The hand still resting on Lucas’ thigh brings him back to the present moment when it leaves it to gently come up and brush his cheek instead.

“Everything’s going to be OK, babe.”

Lucas turns his head, immediately meeting his boyfriend’s kind smile and loving deep hazel eyes. “You won’t even have to talk to them.”

The late afternoon sunlight filtering through the window sparkles brightly in the older man’s eyes; it reveals a little bright explosion of light, brown chocolate surrounding the irises, looking like a lost speckle in a luscious green meadow. Lucas finds himself momentarily captivated by these beautiful irises and the comfort they hold. This gaze directed upon him has always had the power of making Lucas feel comforted and appeased. Grounded to the moment, grounded to the soil and grass beneath his feet – grounded to earth.

This is one of the first, noticeable difference Lucas ever noticed – how Mathis’ eyes were keeping him grounded to the moment whereas crinkled, greyish blue eyes had always made him feel like drowning – drowning, until uncontrollably sinking down into new galaxies, drifting from constellation to constellation, floating from one dream to another. A never-ending journey through space and time, through oceans and –

Maybe this is exactly what had been too much.

Maybe _he_ had known what was best for Lucas. That he needed to keep looking for stability and balance and not settle for the uncertainty of dreams.

At least, this is what Lucas had spent the past years trying to convince himself of – that it was the best for him.

And Lucas is, now. Convinced, that is.

So really, he wasn’t sure why his stomach had started churning uncomfortably since he learned this moment was coming.

Lucas knows that Mathis is right; he will not have to talk to them more than necessary and the heartbreak that almost destroyed him a few years ago is a distant memory. He is a different man now. Lucas doesn’t want his boyfriend to be concerned or get the wrong idea and imagine that he is still affected by the past.

Because he _isn’t._

Not after all this time and all the work done on himself to get better.

Lucas tries to offer a somewhat reassuring smile as he leans in to peck his boyfriend’s cheek, muttering a small, “I know.”

He tries to forget about the worry that has been making him feel nauseous since the plane took off and places a hand on Mathis cheek, turning the other’s head in a more convenient angle so he can press his lips against his. They kiss tenderly; the lips under Lucas’ are warm and soft and familiar and – Lucas lets himself bask in the additional comfort the touch brings him. The smile on Mat’s face as they part his filled with love and affection and Lucas’ worries momentarily melt away with the sight.

He will not allow the ghosts from his past to make him feel any kind of regret or worry. Not when it resulted in Lucas having such an incredible and understanding man as a boyfriend. Them getting together as a couple certainly had been intricately laced with painful and difficult moments but now, after all this time, Lucas is finally _happy_. It had taken long enough for him to reach the current state of mind where he no longer cares about the past.

Lucas has never been happier than he is now; safe and grounded.

He had long ago closed his wide-open bleeding wounds and is convinced the love and care Mathis has used to seal the wounds is impenetrable.

It has to be.

“Are you ready to tell them?”

Lucas only realizes now that Mathis has used Lucas’ short moment of distraction to interlock their fingers together. The thumb running a soothing pattern across the back of his hand sends shivers down his spine and once again, he wonders.

What has he done to deserve so much love?

They are still sitting patiently in their seats while other passengers around them start gathering their bags from the overhead compartments, ready to get off the plane even though the doors have yet to be opened.

Lucas feels his throat tighten at the question and hopes Mathis will not read anything into the slight lightning bolt of panic he is sure just flashed in his eyes to make its electrifying way directly to his heart.

He offers an unconvincing, “after the wedding”, in a half croaked voice which makes his affirmation sounds more like a question.

Lucas knows that once the wedding is passed, he will not have any more excuses to delay the moment he announces this big news to everyone. It is curious, all things considered, how he would not mind keeping this for himself. But Lucas doesn’t want Mathis to believe he is trying to hide such a thing to his friends. So Lucas knows he will have no other choice but to talk to them all at some point.

Fortunately for the younger man, being understanding and patient have always been two of Mat's best qualities – the ones that had seen them through as a couple after everything that happened.

“Sounds good,” his partner agrees immediately, voice warm and soft, pecking him gently on the lips to seal this new agreement.

The growing line in the walkway, mostly composed of impatient passengers, finally starts to move toward the exits of the plane.

Lucas’ eyes fall on Mathis' fit body when his boyfriend stands up to grab their carry on bags. He can’t help but appreciatively take notice of how the tight white t-shirt he is wearing is stretching nicely across his well-defined arms and chest. Lucas is pretty sure that, with this lean and muscular body built by hours of indoors and outdoors climbing, Mathis will make a striking figure as a science teacher when September comes. Surely his fit body and handsome face will catch the attention of many hormonal young girls and boys. The normally nice, tight fitting t-shirts often tucked in slim chino pants Mat affections, never leaving much to the imagination in regards to what his naked form looks like. Lucas is quite proud to be able to call this man his.

But Mathis' pleasant appearance is also a reflection of his personality, Lucas thinks.

Confident but not extravagant. Handsome and sexy but not arrogant. Young but not immature – his light extended goatee and short fringe up hairstyle adding to the smart, young adult look. Sportive but calm. Aware of what he is and what he is not. Open minded, patient and generous.

As Lucas reflects on how his boyfriend is on the paper the perfect man, his gaze is still drifting absently over his form. Until it stops on the exposed tan skin of the taut stomach revealed by the shirt that came out of his pants when he lifted his arms to reach he compartment. When Mat looks back down to hand Lucas his own bag, he notices Lucas’ interested eyes and his own big hazel ones lit up.

The corner of his lips quirk up in a teasing smirks. “Liking what you see?”

Lucas isn’t exactly sure if the blood in his body has decided to flow south or north, as he can simultaneously feel his cheeks heat up and his pants tighten slightly.

Mat sends a cheeky wink his direction and Lucas grins in return before sending his own mischievous wink.

He has no reason to be anxious about the coming week.

He has a sexy and smart boyfriend that loves him and desires him. And Lucas desires him back. He will not let anything darken his mood. He came here in Italy to celebrate his best friend’s wedding and will not let anything ruin this week.

.

.

.

The crushing, Italian summer heat is the first thing Lucas notices when they finally set foot out of Florence’s international airport after having patiently waited under the airport AC as they were waiting to collect their luggage.

Lucas immediately regrets being once again too stubborn and leaving London with a hoodie, when his boyfriend had encouraged him to wear a t-shirt despite London’s pouring weather. But well, some things never change and Lucas’ love for hoodies is still as huge as it was in high school; more often than not, contrasting with his boyfriend’s more smart casual look. Hoodies _are_ the most comfortable pieces of clothing that ever existed and what's best than comfortable clothes to travel?

The moment Lucas’ eyes finally adjust to the bright sunlight, he immediately notices his best friend striding toward them; the wide grin stretching his lips a reflection of Lucas’ own one, betraying how excited they both are to see each other again.

It only takes a few seconds for Lucas to find himself pulled into a bone crushing hug. The strong arms around his waist are almost lifting him off the ground and he laughs happily.

“I’m so happy to see you,” Yann says quietly, emotions constricting his throat.

“So am I,” Lucas breathes out, laugh dying down as he suddenly feels very emotional, too.

He tucks his face against his best friend’s shoulder and although his eyes become wet with unshed tears, his lips are stretched in a wide happy smile.

This only serves Lucas to confirm that he will not let any past problems of his own come and interrupt his best friend’s happiness. This week is Yann’s and Yann’s alone.

And well – his future wife’s too, obviously.

A few more seconds passe before Yann decides it's time to release him after one last squeeze. He ruffles his hair playfully, which still infuriates Lucas, but the young man is way too happy to say anything and he watches as Yann takes a step back so he can also greet Mat with a hand shake and quick hug.

“Hey Mat! I’m so happy you guys could make it.”

“Hey mate,” Mathis returns the greeting along with his friendly, signature smile. “I think congratulations are in order! Ready for the big day?”

Yann beams at the mention of the wedding and happily starts talking about it, confiding how he never thought he would ever feel so certain about something before inquiring about their flight.

“And how is Emma? Not too stressed by all the wedding preparations?” , Mathis asks, leaning between the two front seats once they are comfortably settled in Yann’s rental car.

Yann chuckles.

“She’s fine - too fine! I thought women were supposed to be the ones stressing about this whole wedding thing but so far it seems like I’ve been doing it enough myself for the both of us. She is so unfazed about everything that she even entertained the idea of us driving all the way from Paris. I don’t think she was realizing how exhausting that would be.”

Lucas barks out a laugh at that, not surprised at all to hear about this. This is just so like the Emma he has always known. Laid back and unbothered. It reassures him to know that at least one person has not changed while he was away.

“She definitely will not be in any state to drive back after the wedding,” Lucas snickers.

Yann’s exasperated but amused sighs says a lot about how aware he is of the truthfulness of his best friend’s words. “You know her. Our wedding night will probably be spent with me holding up her hair while she empties her stomach in the toilet.”

The three men in the car laugh but Lucas’ laugh quickly transforms into a fond smile as he remembers his friend’s exuberance. It suddenly heavily weighs on him: how much he has missed all his friends.

The one-hour drive to the little town where the villa they will be spending the week in is located is spent in pleasant talks. Lucas tactfully manages to dodge the too personal questions, but Mathis is not as reserved as Lucas is and enthusiastically tells Yann all about the flat they will be moving in when they come back to Paris. Most of their stuff had already been sent to the apartment but they had yet to spend a night there.

“My dad is a real estate agent in Paris and he found us this really cute flat in the _14e arrondissement_. It’s a duplex apartment – it’s really not that big but it’s perfect for a couple. It’ also perfectly located in between Lucas’ lab and the high school I’ll be working at.”

Eyes focused on the road ahead, Yann whistles appreciatively.

“Wow. A duplex apartment sounds amazing. Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Lulu? We won’t be living too far away from each other now… and you know what that means?” Yann’s now excited voice and smile are not letting place to any doubts but Lucas decides it's been too long since he had the opportunity to tease him. Besides, wasn't it part of his best man's job?

”No Yann, it doesn’t mean that you can come an hide at our place whenever Emma has a girls night at your place.”

“Idiot,” Yann laughs before grinning widely, “it means game nights again!”

Lucas knew exactly this was coming – and still, he tenses a little at hearing the words out loud and tries not to let the discomfort he suddenly feels show in his laugh. He knows he needs to get a serious grip of himself, and soon. Yann is right after all. Now that they will all be living close to each other again, they will probably be hanging out like they used to.

Yann doesn’t seem to notice his slight change of mood and continues. “Speaking of that, will you be throwing a house warming party?”

Now is the moment to prove Lucas is way over the past and can act in a normal, mature way.

“Obviously. You, the gang, the crew, Mat’s friends. Maybe some friends from London if they are around.”

Not that there were a lot on his side with how busy with studies Lucas had kept himself.

“The gang …” Yann repeats slowly, as if finally remembering the current situation and what game nights and a house warming party with the gang imply. His eyes quickly travel between Lucas sitting next to him and Mathis’ reflection in the rear mirror, “as in – “

“Yes.” Lucas cuts in and well, even if this doesn’t exactly answers Yann’s question, his best friend doesn’t pressure him in giving more details, which Lucas is grateful for.

Lucas _is_ really determined to let the past behind him and even though he is still unsure he can forgive; he can at least make the effort to _tolerate_ and maybe one day, understand.

The silence that settled in the car ends quickly when Yann leaves the main road to engage the car onto a narrow, graveled road.

“The little town is only a couple of miles away from the villa. We honestly couldn’t have found better location and let me tell you – be ready to be left speechless.”

And indeed, Lucas’ breath catch in his throat when the house - the _villa_ \- comes into view; it is positioned atop a little hill which offers a stunning view over the landscape. He chuckles, wide blue amazed eyes still reflecting his surprise. “Bro, did you win loto or something while I was in London and forgot to tell me?”

The villa is big, apparently two storeys high and Lucas can even see the end of what looks like to be a swimming pool peaking out from behind the corner. The sun now slowly setting behind the Toscanian rolling hills basks the whole place in different shades of oranges hues and yellow glows that make the place look like it’s coming out of a movie. Or a painting. 

His best friend chuckles when he notices Lucas' and Mathis' matching astounded faces. “Believe me - had I won the loto, you and I, Lulu, would be drunk off our asses in some tropical pacific islands”

“Yeah, because a beautiful villa in Tuscany is so outdated” Mat chuckles, still taking in the beautiful place they are apparently lucky to be spending the week at.

“This is actually Emma’s mum wedding gift,” Yann explains and seeing Lucas’ round eyes looking at him he quickly adds, “she is not there. She is staying in a hotel in Florence with Arthur’s dad, it will only be us.”

Lucas nods and tries not to lose his smile. Here they finally are. _Us._

As if sensing his sudden discomfort, Mat slips his hand between Lucas’ seat and the window to discreetly squeezes his shoulder.

“Who else is staying in the villa?”, he asks the questions Lucas has been dying to ask since they entered the car.

Lucas and Mathis had already discussed all the possibilities together and even though they are already pretty certain of the answer, Lucas feels like hearing it out loud would help make it real, would help him mentally prepare for the most likely soon-to-be confrontations.

He had been aware from the beginning that they would be at the wedding; but with everything happening around them, with organizing their moving out of London to Paris and leaving their old lives behind, their schedules had been pretty busy. In consequences, their accommodation in Italy had not been at the forefront of their mind – especially when Yann had assured Lucas that he could trust him with everything.

Yann’s smile seems to lose some of its confidence and _yup_ – maybe they should have asked the question before accepting Yann’s offer to stay with them all for free.

That being said, even with knowing that everyone was going to be staying in the same house, Lucas isn’t sure he would have refused anyway; he had missed his friends terribly and was looking forward to spending some time with them.

“Well,” Yann coughs as he parks the car next to the line of rental cars already aligned near the villa, “we wanted all our closest friends to be there with us” and Lucas tries not to hear how is tone is too, slightly shifting from confident to doubtful, “so this means: you guys, Bas and Daphy and Imane and Sofiane. Alexia, Manon, Arthur, Idriss and Eliott.”

Yann kills the engine as he finishes to enumerate their friends' names and Lucas decides to not let the situation become awkward; he doesn’t want Yann to feel bad or guilty about anything that has always been completely out of his control. Sure, Lucas was hoping that they would not have to share the same accommodation, but there is still absolutely no reason why things can’t work out. He will just have to _tolerate_ a bit longer.

Not so long ago, Lucas would have been convinced that a week in these conditions was not something he could handle without loosing his sanity. But now, after almost three years spent working on his insecurities, his confusion and his anger, three years spent on learning how to love himself and how to trust and let someone in again, Lucas is ready to take the first step. And his stomach still insisting on churning uncomfortably will not be enough to discourage him.

“That’s cool,” he answers and although he is smiling and his voice hasn't wavered, he quickly opens the passenger’s door to go grab their bags from the trunk before his determination decides to go back to London with the next available flight.

Mat and Yann join him behind the car and Lucas feels the later place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“I hope this won’t make things awkward, we really wanted all our friends to share this week with us. And you know how close he’s become with Emma. I’m sorry. I should have warned you.”

The thing is - given the circumstances of their very last encounter, it made sense to Lucas that Emma and _him_ had become closer friends, he had even suspected it. It didn't bother Lucas though, he had at least been mature enough to not ask his friends to pick sides. It would especially not have been fair on Emma. And Lucas had not been keen on ruining yet another of Emma's relationship. So no, he actually didn’t know that much about it, no. It’s not like he had let any of his friends mention their names to him when they were messaging, immediately changing the topic whenener they tried. 

“That’s not a problem at all,” Mat is quick to answer reassuringly, “we were expecting that this would be the case.”

Lucas feels a surge of love warming up his chest when he hears his boyfriend taking it on him to do the talking. As much as Lucas would like to deny it, his throat is a little too tight with unwanted emotions to be comfortable reassuring Yann.

Lucas knows he can handle the situation but still, it will be the first time in three years that he will be confronted to them. He is pretty sure anyone would be feeling if not anxious, then a least a little apprehensive. Right?

“We made sure to pick up rooms on different levels. This should hopefully prevent some uncomfortable, uhm... situations. ”

Lucas can’t help but feel slightly guilty hearing these words – Yann had never asked to be in the middle of all of this but he is still worrying about Lucas’ selfish own little comfort when he should be worrying about more important matters – like his _wedding,_ for instance _._ If anything, this only encourages Lucas further into his determination to act as normal as possible. Perhaps not exactly as if nothing ever happened, but at least to act decent and polite and yeah – _normal_ , really. As much possible.

The young man isn’t sure he’ll be able to talk and laugh with them as if nothing ever happened; as if his heart didn’t get shattered twice over – thrice even, if he takes the friendship heartbreak into consideration – by people he loved and trusted. But he can make an effort and at least act like a decent human being.

Acting all wounded and hurt would not help anyway.

If any issues come up, it won’t be coming from him. Besides, Lucas is here with his partner who he loves dearly. His partner who has grounded him, who has pulled him out of the water when his was drowning. 

With this in mind, Lucas swallows back any negative feelings and keeps only the positive ones close to his heart.

He slings his bag over his shoulder and pats Yann’s shoulder. “Don’t worry bro, this is all in the past. We’re all adult here, and if everyone is willing to make an effort, I’m sure we can all live together for a week.”

Yann smiles and the relief washing over his feature is hard to miss. He one-side hug him briefly before nodding in direction of the house.

“I’ll let you guys grab your stuff. I’ll let the others know we’re back.”

Lucas and Mathis both nod gratefully, recognizing Yann’s way of giving them a few minutes of privacy. Once his best friend is out of hearing reach, Mat cradles Lucas’ cheeks between his calloused hands to lift his face up so their eyes can meet.

“One word and we are out of here.”

Seeing his boyfriend’s serious eyes, Lucas smiles softly and tilts his head on the side, seeking more of the warmth of the other’s palm.

“I think my best friend title would be revoked if didn’t show up at the altar with the rings.”

“I’m sure Basile would happily take the matter into his own hands.” Mat jokes and Lucas can’t help but giggle.

“He sure would, but I don’t think Yann’s nerves would make it out intact.”

They both laugh and Mathis slips a hand behind Lucas’ neck to play with the soft hair at the base of his boy’s neck.

“I love you,” he says with a gentle smile that has Lucas’ inside melts.

Even though they had already been friends and known each other for a few months, it had taken quite some time for Lucas to trust Mathis enough to let him in full charge of his fragile, broken heart. But the taller brunet had been patient and understanding. He had helped Lucas swim back to the surface of the dark waters that had submerged his life three years ago. Mathis had patiently and diligently helped Lucas pick up the broken pieces of his heart, mending each of them with care and love.

As much as it pained Lucas to admit it, his love for Mat had never evolved to the earth shattering, wild, uncontrollable electrifying love he had felt for El – for _him._ Sadly aware of this, Lucas’ feelings had still developed to love nonetheless. Love built on patience, trust and understanding. Lucas knows he owes Mat a lot. He _loves_ Mat. And he knows that Mathis is head over heels for him; that he had been for much longer than him actually, already three years ago.

“I love you, too” the younger man answers sincerely, standing up on his tip toes to bring their faces closer and let their lips meet in a soft kiss.

Overcome with gratitude, Lucas opens his mouth and Mathis doesn’t wait to slip his tongue past the younger man’s lips. The kiss deepens as the two men lick softly into each other’s mouth and Lucas involuntarily lets out a happy, content sigh. As the kiss becomes more and more passionate, Lucas slips his hands under Mathis' t-shirt and caresses the soft skin of his waist while Mathis' own hands slide down to cup his ass.

They separate, all flushed and a little out of breath; soft grins widening.

“Let’s go.”

After grabbing his own suitcase, Mathis closes the trunk and grabs Lucas’ hand, interlacing their fingers; anchoring him in the present, where he should be, far away from the past.

The corner of Lucas’ lips pull up and he lets himself be guided confidently toward the entrance.

They will be fine.

Won’t they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any ideas on what possibly happened between Lucas and Eliott or on who is "them" ?
> 
> \- So, I know: no Eliott yet – but promise, this is the only chapter without him.  
> I needed this first chapter to be focused on Lucas and Mathis to give a first insight on the dynamics between them, on how Lucas perceives him and their relationship. This story is definitely about Elu, though ;)
> 
> \- Creating an OC – especially creating an OC that is Lucas’ boyfriend – was complicated because I have so much trouble imagining Lucas with someone else than Eliott but this exercise was important for the story I’m trying to tell. Trying being the key word here as I’m still unsure of the final result haha!
> 
> \- You might have noticed – not too much I hope – this is not only my first time posting in this fandom but also my first time posting in English. If you see any recurrent mistakes in grammar or whatever, please feel free to let me know as I really want to get better and offer something decent – or at least grammatically correct. 
> 
> \- I have been working on this story for quite some time now and although I am hesitating on a few details and still have some scenes to write and/or complete, this story is almost entirely written and should have approximately 15 to 17 chapters. I thought I could start posting it and see how it was received.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	2. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas and Mathis get to greet everyone.   
> Basile is Basile and well... so is Daphné.  
> Eliott is a mysterious man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow – you guys are amazing. I was not expecting such a positive reaction to the first chapter; I can’t thank you enough for all the kudos, comments and love! It was really heart warming to read your thoughts. This was such a positive boost to help with how nervous I am feeling about posting in English.
> 
> I hope you’ll keep enjoying where I’m taking this story. This chapter is way longer than first planed, so hopefully it isn’t too long, too slow... I’m taking a lot of time to edit each chapter and I’m quite frankly still figuring out which pace is the best for good story telling. 
> 
> Little side note: in this verse, Manon and Charles never got back together.  
> Translation/just in case some haven’t heard of it: la bise – customary French greeting which consist on pecking the others’ cheek.

Lucas and Mathis are only a couple of steps away from the front door, when it slams open without any warnings – and there is honestly not much Lucas can do stop the excited, blurry flash of brown and curly hair from slamming into him at full speed.

“Lulu!”

Basile’s full body-weight colliding with his own slender body, has Lucas stumbling backward, which effectively results in their feet tangling together. Even Mathis’ hand still griping Lucas’ one firmly, is not enough to prevent the inevitable from happening.

Quite unfortunately for the younger man, the second landing of his day does not happen as smoothly as the first did. Lucas falls flat on his back, gravity inevitably – and quite punishingly, if you ask him – pulling Basile to the same fate. The air is brutally forced out of Lucas’ lungs and it rushes past his lips in a choked _oomph_ , whereas his own body quite comfortably cushions his friend’s fall.

Slightly dazed, Lucas groans but it comes out sounding more like a breathless kind of sound.

“Umpf – _Bas_ …!”

The thing is – said Basile, attached to him like a baby koala to his mother – is offering a cute sight, even from Lucas’ uncomfortable perspective, and he can’t really stop an amused smile from tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Nice to see you, too, bro.”

Not able to do much while stuck under his friend’s weight, he decides to accept his fate and take advantage of the moment to pet his friend’s head with affection.

“I missed you so much!” , comes his friend’s muffled voice from where his face his tucked on Lucas' chest.

“I missed you too, Bas.”

Lucas hugs him back as best as he can in this less than optimal position, and although he appreciate this spirited display of affection, his back is starting to hurt, so he quickly tries to squirm to dislodge his friend.

“Bas – Bas, OK. You’re getting heavy, now.”

Basile lifts his head up from its comfortable position and squints his eyes in pretended offense.

“Are you trying to say I’ve gained weight?”

He shifts so his body is now supported on his hands and knees, and Lucas is finally able to take a more than welcomed deeper breath. Basile looks down at Lucas’ face expectantly once he is no longer crushing him.

“Well, it’s not like I had time to see you properly before you primitively tackled me to the ground,” he comments with a raised eyebrow and Basile immediately scrambles up, gladly using Mat’s hand when it comes to his help.

“Matty!” Basile beams widely once he is standing on his two feet in front of the other man, lifting his free hand up, and –

“Yeeeaas!” , he shouts victorious when Mathis replies to his high five, ignoring Lucas’ snort and disapproving, muffled grumble of “ _that’s not a check de Gang”,_ coming from the ground. “That’s my man! Did you miss me, old friend?”

Mathis chuckles at the boy’s antics, and helps Lucas stand up from his now sitting position.

“I did actually, _old friend_. At least until the moment you tried to murder my boyfriend.”

“Sorry, that’s the Lulu-effect,” Basile explains with an innocent smile on his face as he reaches up to pinch Lucas’ cheeks, “how can you seriously resist this cute baby face.”

Lucas rolls his eyes exaggeratedly and slaps Basile’s offending hands away.

“You know I can actually grow facial hair now, right?” , he protests all the wile looking down at himself to dust the dirt from his clothes and by doing so, he misses – thankfully for them – Basile’s and Mathis’ matching unimpressed raised eyebrows.

Because, yeah – some (fluffy) scruff on the chin growing lazily from time to time _does_ count as facial hair, _thank you very much._

As Mathis walks past Lucas to follow Basile – who has grabbed Lucas’ bag from the ground and is already heading back inside – he leans toward his boyfriend to brush his lips against his ear.

“He is right though,” he whispers, ”you _are_ pretty cute.”

He pecks him chastely, pointedly ignoring Lucas as he rolls his eyes for the second time in less than five minutes and joins Basile who is still talking animatedly, not really noticing his two companions haven’t followed closely behind him.

” – only waiting for you, everyone is already there.”

As he walks toward the two other men, Lucas only catches the end of his friend’s monologue; the words don’t exactly help with his renewed trepidation. He knew they are the last ones to arrive, and Lucas isn’t particularly thrilled at the idea of having everyone’s attention focused on them at once. This is definitely far from what he had hoped when he woke up in the morning.

As he removes his second snicker carefully, all the while mentally preparing himself for the confrontations to come, Lucas is once again attacked by surprise.

Daphné appears out of nowhere, and much like her boyfriend before her – save for the rugby tackle part – jumps on Lucas to hug him tightly.

“Lucaaas! I’m so happy to see you!”, she squeals before leaning back just enough to drop a noisy kiss on each of his cheek.

She slightly calms down when she remembers Mathis standing next to them and she detach herself fully from Lucas so she can face the second man.

“And you too, Mathis,” she adds with a more reserved but still genuine smile and leans toward him to give him _la bise,_ too.

For some reasons, Daphné had been one of the last to warm up to Lucas’ boyfriend. She had never showed anything even close to resent or any other kind of negative feelings toward him – she had just always been more reserved and distant.

“It’s nice to see you too, Daphy,” Lucas smiles fondly.

He takes advantage of his friend’s rare moment of calm to step toward her and kiss her left cheek. The young woman offers him a radiant smile in return before snapping back to her normal excited, bouncy self.

“OK, now – I would offer to show you to your room, but everyone is pretty impatient to see you. You can leave everything here and take a shower later. Come,” she instructs and doesn’t really give them the time to process all her words, already grabbing Lucas’ hand to drag him behind her.

Lucas is quite stunned when they enter a beautiful modern living room, furnished with obviously new furniture. The big sliding patio doors are opened on a furnished wooden deck, and Lucas can also see part of the pool located a bit further down, after what seems to be a little patch of grass and a couple of rustic stone garden steps. But what really catches his attention – is the breathtaking view of Tuscany’s picturesque green hills. It’s a view he doesn’t think he’ll get tired of.

This has to be one of the best wedding gifts. Lucas almost wishes he –

“We all had the same reaction the first time.”

He is surprised by the giggle interrupting his thoughts, but smile as he turns around and spots Alexia smiling back at him. He immediately discovers Manon, Imane, Emma and Basile standing next to her, a little further into the room, close to what seems like an open kitchen area.

Lucas’ worries are thankfully far away at the back of his mind, when Mat and him greet the girls, sharing warm hugs, happy laughs and teasing jests. Every time he had seen them again in the past, Lucas had felt the slight worry that their friendship would be changed, or not exactly how it used to be. His worries are always proved wrong, though, and today doesn’t seem to be any different. Noticing how easy it is to talk and joke with them all again, is always like a big wave of relief washing over Lucas’ feature and helping him feel more cheerful. These guys have been his family since high school and even three years away had not managed to change that.

It is not exactly the first time Lucas is seeing them again; they had always managed to spend some time together, mostly when Mat and him had been spending weekends in Paris to visit Lucas’ mum along with Mathis’ father and step mother. They had also made sure to call as often as possible but opportunities had not always been that easy to find, so seeing them all again, in _real_ – already feels like coming home.

Lucas suddenly _knows_ that he will be fine in Paris. This is where he is supposed to be. Close to his family.

He barely has time to thank Imane and Manon who just congratulated him for landing such an amazing internship, that Yann comes to him and informs him discretely that the rest of their little group is outside by the swimming pool.

“I told them so stay by the pool so you wouldn’t have to see everyone at once. I’ll go and start the barbecue… so just… I don’t know – shout out or something if you need me to kick their asses or something.”

With the recent joy and effervescence, Lucas has almost forgotten he still needs to greet more people. He exchanges a quick glance with Manon and Imane. The reassurance he reads in both their eyes almost reminds Lucas of a past similar situation, but he quickly dismisses the thought.

It then occurs to him that he doesn’t even know if any of his friends had had a talk with them before Mathis and him arrived. Or was it the kind of topic that everyone silently agrees to not mention out loud? Or perhaps all his friends were now well used to the new situation and such a thing was not necessary. Maybe Lucas is the only one thinking too much about it.

At least, Yann had the sweet thought to keep the group separated while they were greeting everyone so Lucas would not feel overwhelmed.

If there is one person that has stayed a reassuring constant in Lucas’ life – it is Yann.

But now was not exactly the time to get emotional, Lucas would have all the time to do that and thank his best friend for his loyal friendship during his speech.

He decides that the sooner Mat and him are done with greeting everyone the sooner he will be able to let go of this ridiculous anxious feeling and start enjoying his stay. So he turns to his boyfriend and excuses him from his conversation with Alexia and Basile.

As they walk outside and down the three stone steps, and then the whole swimming pool comes into view... Lucas swallows heavily.

He briefly wonder if it was still time to change the speech he had prepared because… maybe Yann should have mentioned that they were _in_ and not _by_ the swimming pool!

But then again, maybe it was not necessary to change his speech.

The sight shouldn’t be troubling Lucas. He should not be troubled to see them – to see _him_ – for the first time again, with warm sunset lights catching on to the drops of water dribbling down from his messy, wet tangled hair to his naked back; making his body sparkle in a pleasant glow as he sits with back to him, legs in the water.

Lucas swallows again and instinctively grabs Mathis’ hand.

_It’s okay. It’s normal. You’re fine – it’s the first time in three years._

Arthur is sitting next to Eliott, while Sofiane and Idriss are playing in the water with a pink, inflated ball. As Lucas and Mathis are coming closer to the pool, the voices become louder and Lucas finds himself willing his stupid heart to stop beating so ridiculously fast.

Taking the first step to greet them suddenly doesn’t feel like the best idea.

Is it too late to go back inside the villa and wait for them to come out instead? Wait for them to get _clothed_?

Sofiane, the only of the four facing them, is the first to finally notice the young couple approaching. Lucas’s grip on Mathis’ hand gets even tighter in anticipation when Imane’s boyfriend lifts his arms, wide and up above his head in a welcoming manner, his ever-friendly face lightening up with a solar smile.

“Hey guys! Welcome to Italy!”

Inevitably, the three other men move and – Lucas almost wishes they were in a movie, so this whole moment could have happened in slow motion, giving him just enough time to react but no – this is reality and in a couple of seconds only, the three others' heads are turning, too.

_Don’t look –_ is the first thought quickly rushing to Lucas’ mind.

So he doesn’t look and inhale with some difficultly through his nose.

He doesn’t look, and although he keeps his gaze where it’s safe on Sofiane who is making his way out of the pool close behind Idriss, Lucas still sees from the corner of his eyes as his ex-boyfriend and Arthur get to their feet.

He _can’t_ let himself be that troubled.

There is no need to be.

He is over it all and Mathis is just next to him, with him.

Lucas musters up all the courage and confidence he is able to.

“Hi guys,” he greets them all at once with a smile, Mathis’ voice echoing only slightly just after him.

Lucas is immediately quite proud – and surprised – at how normal and cheerful his own voice sounds.

“Hey, it’s good to see you guys!”

Surprisingly, Arthur is the first to answer.

Slightly taken aback by his enthusiasm, Lucas can’t help but redirect his eyes toward him.

The blond is quickly drying himself up from what little water his left on his body, while at the same time making his way closer to them.

Lucas first notices that Arthur’s hair is dry, which confirms that he is currently wearing his hearing aids. He then looks at his eyes. And although they look hesitant and shy behind his glasses, there is a genuine jovial quality visible in his smile. Lucas’ gaze is then drawn to the blond’s hands and how he is now fidgeting with the towel in his hands and OK – it is quite obvious he is nervous.

_Good, you should be._

_No. Stop_. Lucas scolds himself immediately.

He just cannot start thinking like that when he promised himself to act normal. Especially when Arthur is not the one Lucas holds responsible for what happened. Things had already been bad way before he got involved.

So sure, things are what they are now – but if anything, Lucas thinks the confusion Arthur had felt at the time had been taken advantage of, and what happened hadn’t really been his fault.

Or – not entirely, at least.

Maybe Lucas should have been more present for him when he needed it… maybe this would never have happened then. A longing for their past, close intimate friendship added to the sight of him looking like this, almost vulnerable; is what finally ease Lucas’ nerve.

When he smiles back to him – and while it’s still a shy, closed-mouthed smile – he however doesn’t have to force it.

“Arthur,” he says with a small nod, “good to see you, too.”

Judging by the surprised expression quickly growing into a wide beam on the blond’s face, it is pretty clear that he was not expecting Lucas to react so positively but had visibly been hoping for this outcome. Lucas feels a slight pang of nostalgia hit him.

What happens next – Lucas absolutely doesn’t mean for it to happen and when later at night, he will remember this day, he will fully blame it on the fact that his walls had been slightly cracked by the unexpected emotions he felt when facing Arthur.

“Hi Lucas – ”

What he says after that – Lucas cannot tell.

His brain simply stops and stays blocked on the sound of his name. Blurred images of dimmed light and piano keys, flash behind his eyes, and a distant soft piano melody start echoing in his mind.

Lucas loses control of his brain and almost instantly, his eyes are lost, too.

Maybe this is a spell, because they uncontrollably drift to his ex-boyfriend’s face… up the stubborn droplets of water on his naked chest, up past his tattoo, to his chin and the light stubble there, to his lips, his nose and –

– their eyes meet.

Eliott’s enchanting blue irises are boring into Lucas’ eyes, the intensity of his stare amplified by the presence of chlorine and sun still in his eyes.

Lucas forgets how to swim altogether.

He is drowning.

The world around him slows down to a dark whirlpool and the people around them disappear into dark blue swirls.

His vision narrows to the face in front of him.

The sounds of the Italian summer: chirping crickets and warm soft winds rustling through the leaves; joyful distant laughs coming from inside the villa… it all become a distant hum in the background that make Lucas’ head spin slightly.

He’s under water.

He’s drowning in these intense blue grey eyes reflecting mysterious constellations, endless universes of wonder.

These intense eyes he got lucky to cherish and love until –

Until…

The memory hits Lucas like a freight train in full speed. He is violently brought back to reality; feeling like a cold electroshock just shook his entire being.

“Hi, Eliott.”

His tone doesn’t sound as friendly as it had with Arthur, but it’s polite, neutral. The tone one would use to great a stranger.

He blinks but doesn’t want to advert his eyes. He has a point to prove.

_You don’t have any kind control over me. Not anymore._

Of course, and denying it wouldn’t make any sense, Lucas notices that Eliott looks… Good. Really good.

But Eliott’s wet, almost fully naked body, intense deep blue eyes and fluffy drying hair _do not_ have any kind of effect on him anymore.

Lucas’ breath definitely _does not_ catch in his throat – truth be told, Lucas hasn’t been able to drink since they were on the plane and he is only thirsty.

He is reassured to realize the whole thing hasn’t lasted for more than a couple of seconds when he feels Mathis softly squeeze his hand and answer politely too.

_This will never happen again._

Lucas isn’t entirely sure what to do or say next, but he is taken out of his internal conflict when Mathis turns to Idriss who Lucas – and apparently the three other boys too – completely forgot Mathis hadn’t met before.

”I’m Mathis, Lucas’ partner.”

He reaches his hand out to the taller man of the group, who almost instantly offers him a friendly smile in return.

“Idriss. Nice to finally meet you, Mathis.”

As they shake hands amicably, Lucas is immediately reassured to see Imane’s brother is not showing any signs of resent.

Not that he had any particular reason to feel this way anyway.

“I was starting to get upset I kept missing you guys, every time you were in Paris.”

Mathis chuckles as he frees his hand so he can slide his arm around Lucas’ shoulders and pull him closer to his side.

It takes a lot of Lucas’ self control to stay focused on the conversation happening in front of him when he notices his ex’s attention zero in on the possessive arm Mat has around his shoulders.

“I think Lucas hasn’t yet mastered his organization skills. I don’t know why I kept letting him plan all our trips to Paris because for some reasons, we were always really short on time.”

Lucas hopes no one can notice the slight flush creeping up his neck and cheeks.

He isn’t really bothered about the allegations regarding his organizations skills.

However, Idriss never meeting Mat had definitively been part of his avoidance skills – skills already quite highly developed back in his high school days, when he was busy avoiding the Gang or Chloé, just before his coming out.

Mathis and Idriss meeting is something Lucas had tried to prevent as much as possible. It had been different with Sofiane, with him being Imane’s boyfriend; he’d had no choice but to introduce him to Mathis. Lucas is pretty convinced Imane would have never let him hear the end of it, at they been in Paris without visiting her.

Idriss was a different matter, though.

As immature and silly as that might sound, Lucas had been scarred that seeing Idriss would have considerably increased the chances of bumping into Eliott. Since the moment Eliott and Idriss had become best friends again, they had often been spending time together. Especially since they had moved in together, after Lucas’ and Eliott’s breakup. And unfortunately, as much as Lucas appreciated Idriss, he hadn’t been willing to take the risk. He had still been too weak for that and by the time he had felt more confident, it had just transited into a habit.

Not to mention, Idriss was one of the only two persons aware of one of Lucas’ biggest fuck up.

Before his silence can becomes too noticeable, Lucas parts slightly from his boyfriend and looks up at him with unimpressed eyes and raised eyebrows, before protesting.

“Hey,” his lips then stretch into a smirk, “don’t start talking about my organization skills or I’ll have to mention why I was the one organizing these trips in the first place.”

Mat laughs and pulls him back tight against his body, ruffling his hair playfully before pressing an affectionate kiss on his head.

Although Lucas is certain this PDA has absolutely nothing to do with Eliott looking at them intently, it still makes him happy to be able to show the connection and cohesion he shares with Mathis.

“Come on baby, don’t play this game. You would still be sleeping in London airport without me.”

Lucas blushes again.

Definitely not because he can still _feel_ Eliott’ intense gaze on them. Or because Mathis has called him baby in front of them all.

_Definitely not._

He is only blushing because he remembers how he had so inelegantly and quickly fallen asleep on the waiting chairs while his boyfriend had gone to buy them a snack.

Lucas opens his mouth, ready to give his boyfriend one of the witty answers he’s known for, when Arthur chuckles.

“Lucas has always fallen asleep in the most random places. Remember that time while we were in detention?”

How easily Arthur seems to have fallen back into his easy banter and teasing voice only proper to close friendship, is something that surprises Lucas.

He is saved from having to provide any kind of reply when he hears Yann and Basile cackling behind them.

“That’s the Lulu we know! Glad to hear nothing has changed,” Basile keeps giggling.

Lucas smiles despite thinking that, _everything_ has changed, but he is happy to let his friends recall old stories and tease him if that means it saves the mood from becoming awkward.

Despite everything that happened, it feels good to have his Gang back.

Feeling more relaxed than when they first stepped outside the villa, the smaller brunet smiles and let himself relax slightly, letting his head rest comfortably on Mathis’ shoulder. He feels happy, laughing along with his friends, his hand clasped in Mathis’ hand from where it’s hanging from his shoulder.

But Lucas is having more and more trouble ignoring the burning gaze he can feel directed on him. It is like a growing, painful pull is slowly urging his entire being to just look up.

It is almost involuntary really, when Lucas gives in and glances up.

Eliott has an unreadable expression written on his face – his lips are stretched into a thin line and his crinkled eyes are not entirely expressionless but not exactly readable either. He is simply looking at him with two intense, burning fires.

_What the fuck._

Lucas has the sudden and disturbing thought that Eliott looks a lot like how he looked liked 5 years ago; sitting next to Lucille during their double date with Chloé.

But that’s impossible. Why would Eliott be jealous now?

This would not make sense. Not after what happened and now that he has what he wanted.

Lucas decides to ignore his stare and adverts his eyes, pretending the short-lived eye contact never happened.

Slightly unsettled but not wanting to let himself feel any kind of discomfort because of his ex, Lucas turns to face Mat so he can look up at the beautiful hazel eyes that keeps him grounded no matter what.

The eyes he is now in love with.

“We should go have a shower before dinner, love” he tries to say as quietly as possible so as to not disturb the conversation that he hope is still going on around them.

Lucas is feeling slightly oppressed and _observed_ and in dire need of some space and some water to drink.

“I did think I could smell something.”

Of course – Basile heard.

The later take a careful step toward them and scrunches up his nose to emphasize his words – which of course makes almost everyone chuckle.

Well, at least the mood is not awkward.

Yann doesn’t laugh though, apparently having greater worries in mind.

“Noo Lulu, you can’t go now! The meat will be ready soon!”

“We’ll be in and out,” Lucas promises, slightly amused by his best friend.

And Basile – because he is _Basile_ and never misses the chance for a bad joke –

“I hope that’s not how it goes in bed!”

This time, silence falls around them. So much for a mood that is not awkward.

And see, had it only been Basile, Yann and Mat, things would have been different. Lucas probably would have laughed and offer a cheeky reply. But Basile referring so blatantly to his sex life with Mat, in front of Eliott, is not something Lucas is ready for just yet, and all he can do, is stare at his obnoxious friend with wide eyes.

Basile’s snickers stops gradually as he slowly notices his friends’ slightly uncertain gazes. His goofy smile then freezes when he catches Yann slowly shaking his head from left to right, an exasperated sigh passing his lips, arms crosses on his chest. The smile falls down completely when realization hits him; his eyes widen and he coughs uncomfortably.

“Oh, uh, I –“

Fortunately for the young man, this is the exact moment his better half comes to the rescue. Daphné appears out of nowhere for the second time today, bouncing excitedly, completely oblivious to the awkward atmosphere.

If Lucas ever had any doubts – which he never did, mind you – now was the confirmation that these two were made for each other.

“Guys! I’m so sorry, I forgot about you! Come, I’ll show you to your room now. You are with us on what Alexia called the horny-couples-floor,” she giggles and _yup_ – they are definitely a pair with no sense of subtleties and respect for private life whatsoever.

Though more than happy to be presented with an exit door, Mathis and Lucas don’t wait for more to escape the situation and immediately follow Daphné back inside the villa, hand in hand.

Even Yann doesn’t protest this time.

As his blond, chatty and bubbly friend guides them away, Lucas could swear that he can still feel Eliott’s eyes burning holes into his back.

Is he upset to see him? Jealous? Curious? Surprised?

Lucas isn’t sure – after all, Eliott’s voice had sounded friendly enough and he was in no position to feel this kind of thing. Maybe Lucas has just lost his ability to read him and with this in mind, he decides to quickly let go and ignore the shiver running down his spine.

They have not even spent more than ten minutes in their company, and Lucas already feels emotionally drained. He tries to reassure himself by remembering that the only reason why things are overwhelming, is because it is the first time in sees them in a long time. More particularly, that he sees _him_.

After all, Eliott had been his first love. The person who had helped him accept his sexuality. He had been his firsts many things and they had shared a lot of beautiful and intense unique moments. Lucas had loved him with all his heart and the heartbreak had in consequences, equaled in intensity.

Part of the work Lucas had done on himself these past years, had been to accept that Eliott’s actions did not make anything less of him. That those past moments shared together were not to be regretted and had to be proudly kept as part of who he is as a person today.

So, of course, seeing Eliott again and be confronted to his disturbing, mysterious eyes would be draining.

Arthur had also been a reason of his anxiousness. 

Both had betrayed him in their own way.

Lucas hadn’t been entirely sure how things would be now – nothing had been obvious enough to confirm what Lucas believed, but there also had been nothing to prove him wrong.

Maybe he should have just asked someone. It was slightly unsettling to not be able to tell.

After getting their bags in the entrance where they abandoned them, Mathis and Lucas are lead upstairs; chatterbox Emma picked up on the way, in tow.

They walk up the stairs to the second floor and step into a long corridor with a few doors. Daphné walks past the first three, indicating which room belongs to which couple on the way.

“Here is Imane and Sofiane’s ensuite. Emma and Yann are here and then this is Basile and I. Your room is the one just next to ours.”

“You guys can go at it as much as you want, no problem at all,” Emma interrupts, “even though the walls are not as thick and soundproof as they look.”

She punctuates the last part of her sentence with a raised eyebrow sent Daphné’s way and although her voice sounds accusing, the smirk on her lips is nothing but teasing.

“Emma!” Daphné exclaims, blushing slightly when everyone laugh. So she _does_ know about subtleties. Maybe it’s just Basile rubbing off on her from time to time. “You’re one to talk,” she finally shrugs.

“Hey – I’m the one getting hitched here. Making happy noises this week is basically part of my bride-to-be requirements.”

“I understand now why it’s called the horny couples floor,” Mathis interrupts their bickering and then wiggle his eyebrows at Lucas. “We might need to try that for ourselves.”

Daphné immediately shakes her head vigorously, hands moving strictly in between them when she hears Lucas’ boyfriends growing fantasies accompanied by Emma’s boisterous laugh.

“Hey, no. None of that. You will all calm your ardors this instant. I don’t want to look like a zombie on the wedding photos because you guys kept us awake all week, ” she protests and proceeds with staring them down sternly, one after the other.

Everyone falls silent under her deadly stare but it’s only a few second until she instantly regains her cheerful, bubbly behavior and turns on her heals, ready to go back downstairs.

“ Anyway. You guys settle but don’t take too long, I think Yann’s almost done with the barbecue. Also – obviously, you won’t have to participate today as you only just arrived, but we’ve set a roster so everyone can participate in the house chores.”

This, is exactly the Daphné Lucas has always known. Always planning and organizing stuff. Deadly serious to happy and joyful in a second. It makes him smile.

“This means that you better keep your hands off of each other in the shower! ” , Emma shouts as Daphné drags her back downstairs.

As Lucas finally closes the door of their ensuite behind them, he feels a wave of relief wash over him.

Finally alone and in a quiet environment.

Not that he is a blushing virgin – far from that, actually… but _god_ , have all his friends lost their sense of privacy?

Lucas feels two arms wrap around his waist and a chin rest on his shoulder.

“I’m proud of you.”

Mathis kisses his temple and Lucas tilts his head back to look up at his boyfriend. He raises an eyebrow.

“Proud of what?”

“I think you’ve handled the situation pretty well back there.”

Lucas grimaces; he really didn’t feel like he handled things as well as he could have, that with forgetting about Idriss and getting momentarily lost in Eliott’s stupid eyes... He turns into the arms embracing him, seeking more physical closeness.

“You kidding, right? You were the amazing one. I’m sorry, by the way. I forgot you hadn’t met Idriss yet.”

Mathis simply shrugs as he comes to stand in front of him to kiss the tip of his nose.

“It’s fine. He seems to be a pretty chill guy. I understand why the situation was a little overwhelming, you know.”

Lucas sighs; seeing no point in denying that is had been a little weird and destabilizing.

“Yeah, it was. It must not be really fun for you to see me act so out of character. Like I’m still affected by it all. By _them_. Like I – ”

“Lucas,” Mathis tilts his head back up with two fingers under his chin so their eyes can meet. “You were more than fine. And there is nothing wrong with that, anyway. I was there for a big part of it, remember? I know what happened. It’s completely normal to be overwhelmed after seeing the people that hurt you so much for the first time again. I’m will not be thinking less of you or start to imagine that it changes your feelings for me.”

Mathis once again guessed exactly what was troubling Lucas. It was both a relief and… unnerving?

Lucas doesn’t stop on this thought though.

“I know,” he breathes, eyes looking down, “I just don’t want you to feel sad. Or worried. Must be weird for you, too.”

“I’m not worried, baby. You are so brave. I really think what I said before. I’m really proud of how you’ve handled things so far. It was the first meeting. Things will be easier from now on. For us both. And they also seem inclined to make an effort.”

For a short instant, Lucas wonders if Mat also noticed Eliott’s burning eyes. It had seemed pretty obvious to him, but he decides not to mention it.

Not now, anyway.

Suddenly feeling an urgent need to be touched and to feel physical relief, Lucas takes a step closer, letting his hands settle comfortably on his boyfriend’s waist.

Knowing exactly what helps Mathis feel weak for him, Lucas smiles coyly, looking from under his eyelashes as he whispers, “how did I end up so lucky to be with someone like you?”

Mathis eyes immediately lit up with desire and he has some trouble containing his smile as he shrugs and pretends to be thinking about it, “you must have done something really good in your past life,” before diving in, unable to resist those deep big blue eyes.

If the shower takes slightly longer than what Yann would have liked, no one comments on it when they come back downstairs hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all these characters so much. 
> 
> Arhur! What have you done?   
> I’m guessing you must have more questions now! 
> 
> I’m so glad you guys like Mathis. We’ll see for how long Lucas will handle perfection – if perfection is even a thing!
> 
> And talking about perfection – I will still not be offended if you let me know of any burning-eyes mistakes :)


	3. Old Reflexes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone goes to visit Florence.  
> Lucas misses the Gang.  
> Some reflexes never die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your feedback <3 
> 
> As I was editing this chapter, I realised how long it was getting so I thought better to split it in two. 
> 
> I’m taking careful notes of your request for warnings and will try my best to warn you when necessary, as well as when I update the tags. If you feel like I've missed a tag or haven't warned you when I should have, I am really sorry and please, do let me know.

Lucas is gradually pulled out of his peaceful slumber when a loud, repetitive banging noise echoes in his and Mathis’ bedroom.

The young man attempts to blink confused eyes open, but quickly shut them back when the early morning lights coming through the curtains blind him. Daphné’s high-pitched voice then comes from the other side of their door, and Lucas grumbles unhappily.

He instantly decides to ignore his friend in favour of slumping back on his side. He sneaks an arm around Mathis’ middle and burrows his face into his naked chest, not even trying to bother with understanding the words still coming from behind the door.

His sleeping boyfriend is lying on his back and snoring softly – obviously still in a deep sleep and unaffected by the noises – but he instinctively closes an arm around Lucas to pull him closer.

Lucas snuggles up into his warmth happily, ready to get some more, well-deserved beauty sleep.

He is already halfway back to the sweet lands of dreams and oblivion, when the door opens swiftly before closing back silently. Then, the bed is dipping under an additional weight, and it’s only once a body is crawling clumsily over them to finally settle under the blanket behind him, that Lucas fully registers what is happening.

A little out of it, Lucas sleepily lifts his head so he can turn his upper body and discover who their intruder is. Sadly, his boyfriend immediately takes the opportunity to roll on his side and in consequences, forces Lucas to lie down on his own back. Lucas pouts as their position is pretty much reversed now, with Mathis’ arm thrown over his middle, and his face hiding in the crook of his neck, breathing hot puff or air against his skin.

“Emma.” Lucas mumbles finally, mind hazy, shuffling to try and find a new comfortable position. “Wha ur doin?”

“Sshh. They’ll hear you.” Emma’s mutter is lost in a yawn.

She snuggles in deeper into his free side, hugging his arm and quickly shutting her eyes.

Lucas blinks confusedly as warmth starts radiating from the two bodies cuddling him.

_Thanks fuck for the air-con –_ is his only coherent thought.

A lazy glance thrown on his left side, from in between the few strands of hair falling on his face, informs him that Mathis is still completely dead to the world.

Lucas’ still hazy mind decides that it is way too early to try and think too hard. He can figure out why his best friend’s fiancée decided to seek asylum in his bedroom after he’s had some more sleep.

That being settled, he doesn’t resist any longer when his heavy eyelids close on their own. In less than a couple of minutes, he is once more drifting back to sleep – this time to the additional light snores coming from Emma’s side.

Unfortunately, the bedroom door is opened again, not as discreetly as the first time though, and it is quickly followed by a gasp and an offended whine.

“Why are you guys allowed to have more sleep?! I got woken up at 6!”

Basile’s voice startles Lucas and when he makes the effort to re opens his eyes again, it is to discover his friend standing in front of the bed; pyjama bottoms and t-shirt on, curly hair a messy nest on his head, toothbrush in one hand, the other resting on his hip.

Lucas doesn’t really have the time to process what is happening that a second – or at this point, third person – barges in.

“Emma! Seriously?!”

Daphné stomps to the bed, grabbing the first body part she finds – which of course, happens to be Lucas’ legs – and starts shaking it with purpose.

“You were supposed to wake them up! Not go back to sleep!”

Daphné’s shriek finishes to fully wake up Lucas – even though he still has trouble fully grasping what is happening and why the fuck more and more people keep popping up in his bedroom.

And – _can’t Daphné just stop shaking his fucking leg?_

Strands of hair now pointing in every direction on top of his head, Lucas makes a weak attempt to sit up and free his leg from her grasp, but he isn’t really successful at the task. His limbs are heavy with sleep, and he still has two leeches clutching tightly at his body.

While Lucas is being jolted awake and shaken every five minutes, Mathis and Emma both seem completely unbothered and unaware of the world around them.

Lucas opens his mouth to talk but the words shift into a groan as the sudden, too bright morning light, invades the bedroom after Daphné’s impatient and grabby hands have been re directed to the poor, innocent curtains.

He closes his eyes tightly.

_What the actual fuck._

Had he known coming here would mean brutal early mornings, he certainly would not have come!

Lucas manages to open one eye; only to be faced with a god-knows-why, offended looking Basile and fuming Daphné standing next to each other.

“Wha –“

But he doesn’t get to ask his question – someone new has already appeared next to the affronted couple.

“Lucas. If you were not my best friend and repulsed by vaginas, I’d question why I’m finding you naked in bed with my fiancée.”

This seems to help Lucas remember that he is only wearing boxer shorts.

As much as he can with both arms held, he tries to reach for the blanket to make sure it’s indeed covering his lap. He hasn’t been focused and awake enough to know if his body woke up as confused as he currently is, but he is not willing to take the risk of anyone else finding out before he does.

Busy checking he is somewhat decent; Lucas still hasn’t had time to say a word, when a strict and commanding voice booms into the room.

“OK. Daphné, Basile and Yann. Out.”

Her voice has barely registered into Lucas’ brain that Imane is pushing past their three friends. Before he can realise her intention, she is grabbing the blanket and tugging firmly at it. Lucas’ is momentarily grateful he and Mathis had been too tired to do anything that would have find them naked in the morning.

“Emma, Lucas, Mathis. Get up. Now. You have ten minutes to take a shower and get dressed. Manon and Sof are already waiting for us in the cars.”

This seems to finally work on Mathis and Emma; they both grumble, finally, _finally_ , stirring awake.

Lucas has the passing, frustrated thought to offer Yann to go with him on his honeymoon and leave these two behind – without any ambiguity, of course.

Mathis, while completely unbothered by his current almost-naked situation, seems however as confused as Lucas first felt – and still does, to be honest – when he discovered so many people in their bedroom.

“Uhm. Hello. What's happening?”

Yann, who is still hovering by the bed, simply shrugs.

“Found my fiancée in your bed.”

Mathis turns confused eyes toward Lucas’ other side. His eyebrows almost rise past his hairline when he is met with the sight of a dishevelled grumpy Emma.

He rubs his eyes and Emma whines.

“It’s my wedding week… Why do I have to wake up so early?”

“Come on, hurry. Visiting Florence is going to be fun!”

Dahpné is almost jumping with excitement as she talks.

“Visiting Florence?” Mat perks up at that, all of the sudden looking more awake and interested than he had a mere second ago.

Lucas should have known his boyfriend would fall to the dark side straight away, if presented with the prospect of a day full of cultural visits. This wasn’t for nothing he decided to become a high-school teacher. Even if it was to be a _science_ high school teacher, he was an academic and he had always been really interested in cultural stuff.

“Shit. We forgot to tell you yesterday,” Daphné realises and impatience is then replaced by an apologetic look. “We’ve kind of planed a schedule for the week and today is full day in Florence!” she chirps excitedly as she and Imane, both grab a grumbling Emma by an arm to drag her out of the bedroom.

As they are about to exit the room, Imane turns back toward the four boys.

“If you don’t hurry, we’ll leave without you and you’ll miss the escape game we planned for this afternoon.”

Now – this is what does the trick on Basile; he hurries out of the bedroom quickly after the girls, visibly motivated by the idea.

As Lucas thinks they will finally be alone, Yann turns just as he reaches the door and his gaze fall on to Lucas’ midsection.

Lucas frowns.

Yann smirks.

“Sexy boxers, Lulu.”

And Lucas blushes, only now remembering the boxers with all the little SpongeBobs printed on it he is currently wearing. He throws a pillow at Yann, who quickly gets out of the room, cackling like the evil creature he is.

So what, he does have a few ridiculous and quite infantile boxer shorts he affections and didn't think he should be ashamed of them! And if while packing he had accidentally mixed up the piles of boxers he wanted to bring to Italy and the one he was sending to Paris – _then what?_

“Ugh”, Lucas sighs as he lets himself falls back on the mattress, “better not be like this every morning. Here I thought Eliott and Arthur would be my biggest worry.”

Now fully awake and already getting ready for the day, Mat leans over to press a kiss on his pouting lips.

“Come on, grumpy bum. You heard Imane.”

.

.

.

It takes them all a little under twenty minutes to make it to the cars.

They have to split into three cars – the first car leaves with Mathis, Lucas, Yann, Emma and Alexia followed by a car with Eliott, Idriss, Imane, Sofiane, and in a third car: Daphné, Basile, Manon and Arthur.

It is not a bad sitting disposition but deep down, Lucas regrets that it cannot be a Gang car… like this should have been the case.

Although the thought of not having Mathis here with him hurts, the idea of the Gang as it is currently, hurts almost as much.

Lucas doesn’t exactly like thinking like that, but this is the truth.

He grabs Mathis' hand to squeeze it gently and at the same time, uses it as a distraction from his mixed up thoughts.

He also tries to take comfort in the fact that, from what he has seen until now, Arthur could also possibly be open to the idea of them working on getting a friendly relationship back.

The anxiousness Lucas had felt at the prospect of seeing him again, had completely wrapped in dark shadows the longing he had developed for their past friendship. 

And now that they have finally seen each other again, Lucas can already feel the longing he had refused to acknowledge, becoming stronger than any past hate.

Arthur had been so confused at the time, after all…

Lucas is slowly getting convinced that working on their friendship is worth it, that he will forgive him with time and that being friends again would help with the process. But there is still something he needs to know.

He still hasn't been able to figure out whether his doubts are true or not.

That being said, they had only been there for one evening – which had been shortened when, a few minutes only after they had finished dinner, Mathis had yawned deeply and declared he was feeling tired. Feeling himself a little bit exhausted, Lucas had gladly taken the excuse and said his goodnight.

Besides, with the way they had been sitting at the table, he had barely seen or heard the two other man.

Lucas knows he is being unreasonably impatient and also too concerned.

Why did it matter anyway? They were free to do whatever was making them happy, now. And, if he decided he was going to try and be friend with Arthur again, this also meant being happy for him. 

But still.

Deep down, Lucas also knows he needs to know if all of this had at least served someone.

Lucas finally snaps out of his thought and joins in on the conversation. After that, it isn't long before they arrive in Florence after a short one hour drive.

They quickly find a parking located slightly on the outskirt of the city and pay the rate that will allow them to stay for the whole day.

Some of them immediately contest Daphné's plan, expressing their interest in seeing the off the beaten track attractions, which of course, doesn’t really go in correlation with the young woman's plan, which is entirely focused on all the typical touristy monuments linked to the art and history Florence is known for.

Lucas doesn’t really mind, but having often heard his mum talk about the Ponte Vecchio and how she’d always dreamed about seeing the famous medieval bridge over the Arno river, he makes sure everyone knows this is where he will be going first. Manon decides she would accompany him and this is how the group ends up separating into two groups, and Lucas and Manon in a third one; all agreeing to meet back at the restaurant Daphné booked in for lunch.

Lucas is readjusting the baseball cap on his head so it isn’t crushing the branches of his sun glasses against his ear, while at the same time watching Mathis walk away.

“They will be fine.”

He redirects his attention to Manon when she speaks to him reassuringly; a kind, understanding but teasing smile playing on her red lips.

She’s always had this capacity to understand Lucas without him saying anything. Back in high school, Lucas had found that to be both a relief a freaky – how much of an open book he was for her. And apparently still is.

“I know.”

She raises an unconvinced, perfectly trimmed eyebrow, barely visible between her large round straw hat and sun glasses.

“OK,” he admits,” it’s just that it’s weird to see them do something together.”

Lucas had thought Mathis would go with him, but instead, his boyfriend had decided to tag along with Daphné’s little group.

Which was not that surprising, all things considered.

Lucas knew Mathis had in mind to try and spend more time with Daphné this week. Mat was aware they weren't that close and wanted to be better friend with her. And then, being the really scholar person he is, of course he would chose the group that had in mind to see as many cultural stuff as possible.

Besides, he probably had guessed Lucas only had in mind to stroll around the street lazily. Which, well. Wasn't really his way of visiting places. 

The famous bridge was the only thing on Lucas’ list and he certainly didn’t feel up to rushing through the streets to see as many things as possible like both groups had planned. Instead, he just wanted to relax and stroll in the streets at a leisure pace; follow his instinct and see where his curiosity was taking him. Maybe even get a nice traditional Italian ice cream on the way. One he would probably not, so unintentionally not mention to his boyfriend.

Not that Mathis would tell him off, but his boyfriend was the kind of person that, without being excessive, was careful about what he was eating and when.

And of course; Eliott being Eliott the eternal art lover, he had ended up in the same group.

Lucas has no doubt Mathis can handle the situation.

Before leaving, his boyfriend had cupped his face and kissed him happily, the excited smile on his lips making the kiss a little awkward, while Eliott had been busy joking around with Sofiane and Basile, not even noticing their presence only a few steps away from him.

Lucas is also aware that, although they are in the same group, it doesn’t mean they will have to walk next to each other and talk or anything. It is still something weird for Lucas, though, to see the only two men he’s ever been in long-term relationships with, about to spend a whole morning together. 

Maybe the group would split? Or maybe not.

Lucas is actually quite admiring of Mathis’ behaviour and his capacity to adapt. He quickly take a mental notes to have a talk with him later. Just to check on him and see how he feels now that they are actually here and spending time in such a close proximity to Lucas’ ex.

Until now – and except for a few weird intense stares from Eliott coming Lucas' way – there hadn't been any accident and from Lucas' point of view, the four of them had all been pretty respectful. 

So in the end, Lucas isn’t too worried when he throws one last glance at Mathis disappearing form in the distance. He seems to already be enthusiastically chatting with Daphné and Imane while Eliott, Basile and Sofiane are walking a few steps behind them. Arthur has gone with the separate group consisting of Yann, Emma, Idriss and Alexia.

“Technically, they are not doing anything together. Only walking a few meters away from each other.”

Lucas rolls his eyes.

“Same thing.”

Manon giggles softly and with a sign of her head on the side, encourage him to start walking in their own direction.

Their walk in the capital city of Tuscany is pleasant. It's still pretty early morning but the sun is already shinning brightly, and when they are not walking in the shade provided by the houses marked by the typical Renaissance architecture, they rapidly feel the heat starting to make them sweat. So they take their time, stopping here and there, and Lucas really appreciate this moment alone with Manon. She has always been like a sister to him and while he was in London, he had been talking to her a lot, asking for advice and tips as she had herself lived in the city for a few months.

His friend is smart, considerate and really empathetic and Lucas knows he can talk about almost everything with her.

Which they mostly do during their little visit.

They speak more in depth about their respective lives; Lucas explains what his coming internship will be consisting of and Manon tells him more about her studies to become a lawyer. They joke about the past as they recall stories of their time flatting together along with Mika and Lisa. Which then brings them to a more sentimental moment, as they walk by the impressive Gothic cathedral, the _Duomo di Firenze._ Lucas confides in her on how much he misses his mother and how he was at first, having mixed feelings about moving back to Paris. And as for Manon, while she doesn’t want to say who it is just yet, she reveals how she might have her eyes set on someone.

The mood lightens up again after that and when they start sharing little anecdotes.

When the bridge is finally in plain sight, after some long minutes walking in the sun and walking past more an more tourists as they start filling in the streets, Lucas finds himself slightly emotional, thinking once again about his mum, back in Paris.

As much as he had tried to visit her frequently, he hadn’t seen her that many times after moving to London.

Visiting her after what happened with Eliott had been emotionally difficult – firstly, Lucas hadn't wanted to explain the details of their separation and what had followed.

And secondly, his mum had grown really fond and attached to Eliott. Lucas hadn’t wanted her to feel any kind of pain because of his separation or even worse, to have her think less of the boy she was already imagining as her son in law.

The two both had what Lucas liked to call, old wise souls – and they had bonded over a lot of topics, mental health being one of them, of course, but also along with so many others such as, art, literature, music and old movies. This connection with him had always brought a lot of comfort to her.

Lucas hadn’t had the strength to taint her memories.

And evidently, in the following weeks, Lucas had also not wanted his mother to see in which deplorable state he was after the breakup; he wouldn't have been able to handle the sad, disappointed look in her eyes when seeing what he had done with himself.

_To_ himself.

Without taking into consideration the bumpy start of their relationship in high-school - Eliott was to blame for breaking his heart twice, but not for what Lucas had stupidly done to himself after the first time.

Thinking back to it, Lucas is aware that he had reacted pretty immaturely, blinded by his hurt pride and confused feelings. But Eliott had been his first love and first break up, and it had taken Lucas' self-confidence away along with his heart in the same process.

Not long before they had moved to London, Lucas had introduced Mathis to his mother.

She had of course welcomed him warmly and liked him straight away. He had been, after all, the perfect son-in-law material. But maybe too perfect… and Lucas had been able to tell that the connection she’d had with Eliott would never be the same with Mathis.

Now that they were going to be living in Paris again, Lucas had promised himself to try and visit her every week.

With this in mind, he takes his cell phone out and asks Manon to take a photo of him with the bridge in the background, so he can send her one.

He pulls a few silly faces which makes Manon giggles and their laugh double over after a tourist – speaking in an Asian language they can’t guess – takes them for a couple and insists on taking a photo of them both, all the while seeming to gush on cute they look together. They play along, of course, embracing and kissing cheeks, and they are still giggling madly about it when they finally reach the beginning of the bridge.

Said bridge is pretty cluttered with people trying to make their way across it, difficultly creating a path for themselves in between the other many tourists gathered around the too many luxury jewels stands on each side of it.

At Manon’s request, they enter the noisy crowd and spend some time looking at a few jewels. Lucas accepts happily despite the suffocating atmosphere all the sweaty bodies around them are creating, hoping to find something cute for his mother. They quickly renounce to purchase anything, though, when their eyes catch sight of a price tag, which finally makes them realise how expensive everything is.

They are trying to make their way out of the thick crowd when they bump into… Arthur.

It is immediately quite obvious that the blond is not having the best of time. He looks pretty uncomfortable, his eyebrows are furrowed above his eyes that barely seem to focus on Lucas and Manon, as are they are constantly trying to look behind them, in the distance. Almost like he is looking for an exit.

“Arthur. Hey! Uh… Are you all right? Are you alone?”

Arthur finally stops his eyes on Manon when she addresses him. His eyes squints and his nose scrunch up in concentration. A few second passes and the creases on his forehead increases.

“Can we get out of here? It’s pretty noisy and with the sweat – “

He stops mid sentence when someone accidentally bumps into his shoulder and interrupt his speech.

The sun is shinning quite strongly above them now, with no shade in sight on the bridge and Lucas can see some droplets of sweat dripping on the blonds’ temples.

Suddenly everything clicks in Lucas’ mind.

He has spent enough time with Arthur in the past, to rapidly understand what the source of the problem is.

The brunet nods and start walking, simultaneously grabbing both his friends’ hands so he doesn’t lose them in the crowd while he guides them to the opposite side of the bridge.

When they finally make it out of bridge and arrive somewhere quieter at the corner of a street with some shade, Lucas only now realises what’s he’s done and he releases their hands.

He looks up, expecting to discover Arthur looking at him disapprovingly or something, but... his friend seems completely untroubled by the contact – instead, he immediately uses his newly freed hand to remove his glasses.

“Thank you,” he says while using the bottom of his shirt to wipe at his face, “all the noise got kind of overwhelming. And sweat dripping in my ears didn’t really enhance the experience.”

“Maybe you should have worn a hat,” Manon points out wisely all the while rummaging through her handbag in quest of her water bottle that she takes out and hands to Arthur.

“Tell me about it. I feel pretty silly I forgot to bring one, now. Ah, thank you.”

“I brought two. You can borrow one of mine, tomorrow.”

Lucas’ words are out of his mouth before he can even consider them.

Past friendship reflexes.

He doesn’t regret his slip, though – because as soon as Arthur has finished drinking, it earns him a bright, surprised but grateful smile.

“Thank you, Lucas.”

The feeling of past betrayal is almost non-existing at this present moment.

It really appears like; the longing for their friendship becomes a little stronger every time Lucas sees the blond.

“So,” Manon interrupts the short but not uncomfortable silence that settled over them as both boys were sharing a shy smile, “how did you find yourself all alone?”

“I went on the side to see if I could find something for my mum and next thing I know, I’m lost in a crowd of people speaking anything but Italian. I’ve no idea where the others are now. ”

“Well, stay with us,” Manon offers as if it's the most natural thing and well, maybe it is.

Lucas doesn’t even flinch. Maybe now is the time to prove to himself that things are in the past and he is indeed ready to forgive.

So he even decide he is allowed to tease.

“Yeah, there’s no point spending an hour alone looking for them. We’re cool, too.”

He offers a kind smile and Arthur's lips stretch in a shy smile that actually turns into a shy smirk.

“I mean, yeah sure... but you do own SpongeBob underwear...”

Lucas gasps.

“ What – did Yann… “

He quickly recovers from the unexpected jest, though, shaking his head as a smile grows back on his lips.

“Hey, don't be jealous. SpongeBob underwear are _cool_ , OK?”

They all laugh and it pretty much sets the mood for the rest of their little visit together.

Their conversations are not strained and even if there is still some reserve, it goes smoothly enough that it makes Lucas feel proud and... happy.

Maybe this friendship can be salvaged. Or re built. Sure, he had blamed Arthur, but they had both been confused teenagers as well and Lucas often tends to forget that.

They are actually enjoying their time walking around so much that they don’t notice the time passing and inevitably arrive last at the restaurant.

Of course – this has absolutely nothing to do with the shop they heard from a local, was selling the best ice creams in Florence… and that they had spent nearly thirty minutes looking for.

It is also a mutual agreement to keep that between the three of them.

Everyone is already sitting outside at their designated table, so their arrival doesn’t really go unnoticed. Basile shouting and raising his arms as soon as he sees them, doesn’t help with a quiet arrival either.

At this moment, as they are walking closer to the restaurant, perhaps other eyes turn to them - but there is only one set of eye that really catches Lucas’ attention.

And they are not hazel. They are a greyish shade of blue.

Lucas doesn’t even think about averting his gaze and instead observes as Eliott distractedly watches him approach, his eyes are curious and almost… approving? But his they seem to harden when he notices Arthur walking next to him.

There could be more than one reason why Eliott would not appreciate this scenario, but Lucas is in a good mood so he decides to ignore it all as he lets himself plop down next to Mathis.

He greets him with a smile and a sweet press of lips and to his gentle questioning eyes, answer with a nod meaning _I’ll explain later_.

As soon as the waiter places his plate in front of him, Lucas hungrily digs into his pasta Bolognese that he generously sprinkle – understand, recover – with Parmesan cheese, under Mathis’ amused eyes.

Lunch goes by swiftly and everyone seems to be having a great time.

After they’ve had some tiramisu for dessert - that Lucas absolutely refuses to share with anyone arguing they are too full to have a full dessert by themselves - they pay and decide to all stick together as they make their way to the escape game.

At some point on the way, as their are joking and teasing each other, Mathis playfully tugs on the hand he is holding so he can drag Lucas in a side street and have them disappear in what looks like and old front door alcove.

He is quick to press him up against the wall and kiss him passionately. Lucas giggles into the kiss, elated by this sudden playfulness and demonstration of affection. He answers eagerly, tilting his head back and resting his hands on the other man's hard chest.

After a few more probably too-heated kisses, they jog back to the others, Lucas' hair slightly messier than it was five minutes ago, both laughing and playfully pushing and pulling at each other. As they start walking next to Yann again, Mat throws an arm around Lucas and Lucas sneaks his arm around his boyfriend's waist.

They haven’t really had the privacy to talk about it and probably won’t be able to until they’re back at the villa, but Lucas is curious to know how the visit had been for Mathis this morning and if he had had any kind of interaction with Eliott. As he ponders about this and on how it could have possibly gone, Lucas is unconsciously sarting to turn his head, but catches himself at the last minute.

That would be weird, wouldn’t it. Besides, he has the feeling that Eliott has been looking at them again. Lucas is pretty convinced that he _felt_ him looking at them when they had jogged passed him.

They finally arrive at the building where the escape game they've booked in his taking place and Lucas pushes this thought at the back of his mind.

They once again have to split into two teams so they decide to draw the names at random. The universe has a funny way of teasing Lucas’ nerves when it turns out that Mathis and Eliott will be in the same team, along with Daphné, Manon, Alexia, Imane, and Sofiane, while Lucas is teaming up with Arthur, Basile, Idriss Yann and Emma. No one seems to have anything to say against this though, not even Eliott who is smiling and has an arms thrown around Sofiane’s shoulder while they are both talking animatedly to each other.

Despite the universe being funny, Lucas is pretty happy to have a Gang team and well - as long as Mathis is fine with this arrangement, then it's fine for him too.

He is quickly disillusioned though, when Basile, Idriss, Yann and Emma aren’t fully invested in the game. Instead, they seem to find more interest in making jokes and cackling loudly. They play with the decorations, sometimes using them to take ridiculous selfies or videos to post on their Instagram stories and feeds, giggling every two minutes.

The problem is, Lucas was born a competitor - enigmas and problems to solve are things that he likes and that stimulate him.

He wants his team to be the fastest and for them to win this! Fortunately, he is not alone to have competitor blood in his veins.

Arthur is as invested in the game as Lucas is, and they both quickly fall into a focused, efficient rhythm. They completely ignore their obnoxious friends in favour of seriously looking for clues and discussing possibilities, comparing theories and solving puzzles. They go from talking animatedly while running from a side of the room to another, to being hunched over a new hint in a corner.

Lucas and Arthur are so focused on the game and carried by the morning’s good mood, that they end up doing everything by themselves, without even consulting the others for their opinion. To the point of even having to brush them away when they try to help, their interruptions too often revealing to be pointless and making them lose time rather than help.

Their joint efforts are rewarded when the lady at the reception announces that they were the quickest to resolve the game. Both boys cheer loudly when they hear that. And - it might or might not, be old reflexes taking over again, when they high five and clap each other’s back enthusiastically.

It is the second time today, that they have exchanged friendly touches, and just like it happened on the bridge earlier this morning, they only smile shyly when they realise what happened.

The other team congratulates them too, and as Mathis is shaking Arthur’s hand, Lucas’ eyes drift around the room, looking for Yann.

They never make it to his best friend. They find Eliott instead. 

It’s not that he was looking for him. He just happened to be in his line of vision.

_That’s all._

His ex-boyfriend isn’t looking at him, though. His eyes are on Mathis and Arthur, stern and something else Lucas can’t quite place.

And Eliott must feel then that he is observed, because he suddenly blinks up.

If he is surprised to find Lucas starting at him, he doesn’t show it. The emotions in his eyes melt into something more neutral, almost inquisitive; almost like he is trying to look into Lucas’ soul for answers.

Lucas shudders and his spine stiffens but he holds the gaze. He finds that he’s had enough with being the one to always avert his eyes.

So he doesn’t budge.

Neither does Eliott.

It’s only when Mathis’ body move in front of him that Lucas is able to snap out of it.

_“_ Well done, baby.”

The taller man cups his face and Lucas has barely enough time to close his eyes before he his kissed.

After that, they all stroll around the city some more. There are no more starings and it’s like this weird accident never happened. Lucas decides he doesn't want to think about it. Not when he feels so happy.

Eliott is walking close to Sofiane and Imane, whereas Lucas is walking behind with Yann, Arhur and Basile and for a moment, things are almost back to normal.

It slightly scares Lucas, how only a day spent in Arthur’s company has influenced his feelings already.

When the sun starts to be well engaged onto his path to western lands, indicating that the afternoon is coming to an end, they decide it’s time to make their way back home.

Once back at the villa, they pretty much all get to their own things; some disappear in their own bedrooms or somewhere else in the villa – and amongst others, Lucas notices how Eliott and Arthur are both absent.

Not that he was necessarily looking.

While Mathis settles in the living room, on the comfortable couch and its many cushions so he can read confortably and in peace, Lucas chills by the pool with Yann so they can spend some more quality best friends time together.

When Basile and Alexia are finished with preparing a light dinner, they all sit at varied places around the pool and after that, everyone seems pretty keen on getting an early night after this exhausting day.

As they settle comfortably in bed after a refreshing shower that washed away the sweat and dust from the day, Lucas can’t resist asking Mathis about his day with Eliott.

He is mostly relieved to hear that there isn't much to say because nothing major happened.

From what Lucas can gather, his boyfriend and his ex hadn’t necessarily talked to each other but hadn’t exactly ignored the other altogether. Without being awkward, things had been cordial. Mostly meaning, they had been able to participate to the same conversations, without having to directly speak to the other.

The afternoon however, had been slightly different. Apparently, Eliott had been pretty silent during the escape game, maybe even a little cold with everyone… as if in deep thoughts or lost in his own head. Lucas isn't too surprised to hear about that, though. He defintely had seen somehting cold in Eliott's eyes as he was looking at Mathis talking with Arthur but then his expression had changed when their eyes had met. They had appear more... gentle.

Lucas can’t help the thought that crosses his mind as his head rests comfortably on Mat's chest. He wonders if Eliott was doing OK and if he was taking his medication and - 

_This isn’t my problem_ , Lucas reminds himself as he is slowly lulled to sleep by the feeling of Mathis running genlte fingers through his hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So – I didn’t originally plan to write this as a day in the story/a chapter, but as mentioned earlier, this one just became too long. My goal had been set to 5K to 6K chapters... and this one, before I decided to split it, was well over 8K.
> 
> Now :) Are Lucas and Arthur on the way to re build their friendship? Coming next: a revealing conversation. Tipsy Eliott and tipsy Mathis. Did I mention crimson, embarrassed Lucas, too?
> 
> Also, I’ve never actually been to an escape game soo… I hope it isn’t too bad, and I’m really sorry if it is, but if the description does sound a little off – that’d be why!


	4. Not His Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas and Imane make lunch together.  
> Arthur reveals something unexpected.  
> Eliott gets tipsy…and so does Mathis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doubts and real life really got in the way of the editing process for this chapter but here we are. Not a lot of action but lots of talking and some more revelations.
> 
> /Trigger Warning:/ phrasing could (or not) imply cheating. Nothing is actually explicitly said; I am purposely wording things so they can have multiple meanings and the reader can think about different theories. So what you understand will probably depend on how you interpret it. But TW just to be safe :) Also, some non abusing alcohol consumption at the end of the chapter.
> 
> When whatever happened gets more explicit, I’ll make sure to warn you. Hope it’s OK – as per usual, let me know if it isn’t.

Day three of their stay in Italy – including the day they’d arrived – is more of a lazy, relaxing day.

After all, they do have a beautiful villa with lots of nice amenities to enjoy; the large swimming pool being one of them, for example. 

The evening before, Daphné, Manon and Alexia had decided they would wake up early once again, so they could drive back to Florence to visit a few more places and do some shopping.

Mathis and more surprisingly, Idriss, had also decided to join the three girls, whilst the rest of the group had largely agreed this would be the perfect time for a sleep in.

Obviously, Lucas takes advantage of this opportunity, and when he finally wakes up from a deep, restful sleep from which he cannot remember any dreams, it’s already ten past 11am.

He sits up and yawns loudly, lifting his arms up widely above his head to stretch, sighing happily when the bones in his back and shoulders pop satisfyingly.

This morning, no Daphné or Emma or anyone else to wake him up – he had barely even budged when Mathis had gotten ready in the morning, even when he had sweetly brushed his lips against his forehead before living.

Lucas can already tell that he feels way more refreshed than he had these pas few days.

Probably even more rested than he had felt during their last few weeks spent in London.

Back then; all the planning necessary for their moving out had been one major source of the stress often tensing his shoulders. The second source of this stress had of course been because of the anxiety he couldn’t control when thinking about the upcoming trip to Italy and what it implied.

It had all weighed on his shoulder way more than he liked to admit.

But as he lazily wakes up this morning, it all doesn’t seem that stressful anymore and, although the stress hasn’t completely disappeared, it has started to fade considerably.

Being in Italy, in a villa surrounded by such an exceptional and spectacular setting, is definitely making it easier for Lucas to momentarily forget about 'real life' and all the logistic they’d had to plan for their change of life.

Having to be confronted to the emotions related to his past is a slightly different matter.

There are still quite a few varied emotions fighting for dominance in his mind; however, now that the stress largely fed by the anticipation of the confrontation with Arthur and Eliott is in the past, Lucas is feeling more relaxed and least on his guard.

Especially since he had such good day with Arthur and that the re birth of their friendship has never looked better. This isn’t something he had be convinced he’d want, but he is now feeling pretty enthusiastic by the idea.

Then regarding Eliott... Well, except for his ex’s intense stares happening from time to time, Eliott is actually acting pretty chill while around Lucas, whether it being during the meals or when they are all hanging out in the villa. He is mostly keeping himself away from Lucas and showing a cheerful behaviour when interacting with other people. The escape game had apparently been the only exception, but then again, Lucas tries to reason… Who doesn’t get lost in their own thoughts from time to time?

There could be many explanations not related to him.

Maybe in another universe, Eliott never left him but in this one, Eliott is not longer the centre of Lucas’ universe and neither is he Eliott’s.

And about the stares, well – he is probably just curious. Even if Eliott had been the one deciding to put an end to their relationship, it didn’t erase the months spent together. So when you think about it, Eliott feeling curious about his ex-boyfriend who he hasn’t seen in years, is nothing weird.

After all, Lucas is curious too.

And although it hasn’t happened that many times, Lucas is still quite embarrassed to admit that he’s been doing the same when no one is looking. Discreet looks here and there, trying to catch a hint or any kind of indications that would confirm whether or not his doubts are founded.

And those looks are for _absolutely no other_ reasons than that.

Lucas takes his time in the shower; he tries all the different fancy settings and jets, enjoying plainly the luxury of being in holiday and not having to rush to go anywhere.

His grumbling belly is what finally tears him out of the spacious borderless Italian shower.

He quickly gives up on taming his wild hair and gets dressed with comfy chino shorts and a white t-shirt with _désir_ written in blue at the top right corner, before heading downstairs to get something to nibble on.

As he walks down the stairs, he can hear music coming from the kitchen and when he rounds the corner, he’s met with the sight of Imane; alone in front of the kitchen countertop. The young woman looks to be cooking while at the same time, energetically moving her hips and arms to some of the beats. From the look of it, she is preparing some kind of composed giant cold salad, most probably for their lunch, Lucas concludes as he notices the many tomatoes, cucumbers, avocados and more, waiting to be chopped in front of her.

Of course, as soon as she catches sight of him strolling as innocently as possible in the kitchen, she doesn’t lose time in blackmailing him into helping her – something about reminding the guys how he’d lost their stack of weed at Emma’s party back in high school.

Although Lucas gasps all offended and pretends to protest for a couple of minutes; he smiles and obliges, happy to help Imane with her task.

“Your man is the one listed on the roster to help me prepare lunch, but seeing as he’s escaped his duties… you’re the next logical option to replace him. You know marital solidarity and stuff.”

Lucas blinks. How –

“What roster?”

This is not exactly what is on his mind but this what his brain comes up with to mask his surprise. There’s no way she knows. Only him and Mathis know and they’ve agreed to wait until after Emma’s and Yann’s wedding.

Imane’s attention doesn’t move from the tomato she’s slicing but her movements slightly slows as she frowns confusedly.

“Didn’t Daphné tell you all about her chores roster? She was quite proud of it.”

“Oh _that_. Yeah. True. She never gave us a copy of it, though.”

Imane hums; obviously not that bothered that Daphné forgetting to give the roster to Lucas and Mathis resulted in her being left alone to prepare lunch for everyone.

Lucas goes to the tap and washes his hands before joining Imane who immediately places the cucumbers in front of him.

_Yuck_.

He hates cucumber.

Lucas is disappointed to realise he won’t be able to snatch away a few pieces of the food he has in front of him; but his disgusted wince quickly transforms into a smile when he looks up and notices a bowl overflowing with little feta cheese dices. He furtively reaches out to it as soon as Imane turns her head in the other direction.

That’ll have to do.

The two friends talk lightly about different topics; Imane eventually asks about the food habits in England and Lucas admits he’s become quite fond of the different cultures' influence there. He’d become quite fond of take away food, such as Indian, Chinese, Thai etc. That and… well, some habits never die and he’s still been having his fair share of fast food. Which of course, is when Imane decides it’s been too long since she’s last teased him.

“I remember you already being quite fond of fast food back in high school. I’m honestly surprised you’re still so slim with all the shit you eat.”

Lucas shrugs and can’t resist snatching another little dice of cheese. He manages to grab one just before Imane can swat his hand away.

“Mathis keeps me in line. I also go climbing with him sometimes.”

Imane raises an eyebrow and Lucas sees her glancing at his arms.

“I wouldn’t have taken you for a climber.”

“I wouldn’t have taken you for such a judgemental bitch.”

They both narrow their eyes at each other.

A second, then two passes in silent, until they both burst into laughter.

It takes them a couple of minute to become serious again, but the smile on Imane’s lips doesn’t leave when she starts talking again.

“You actually do look a little broader, you know.”

“Wow,” the blue of Lucas’ eyes pop when he widens his eyes in exaggeration. He fake pretends to be surprised when he teases her. “Since when does Imane Bakhellal gives compliments? Is Sofiane rubbing off on you as much as Basile does on Daphy?”

Imane punches his arm but still doesn’t lose her smile as she shakes her head and looks back down to her own vegetables. She doesn’t deny though, which does mean something.

Lucas’ smiles grows softly, realising how much has changed for his friend too; especially now that her and Sofiane have moved in together.

And as this thought crosses his mind, another one invites itself uninvited into Lucas’ mind.

“Soo.” He starts with a detached, almost uninterested, casual voice as he grabs a new offending cucumber and starts chopping it, eyes interested by the disgusting vegetable more than they’ve ever been before. “Do you often visit Idriss?”

He should have known better than to think he could fool Imane, though. The smile on her face rapidly drops to a facial expression clearly meaning, “seriously, Lucas?”

“OK. Spit.”

“What? No, I – “

“Lucas.” She cuts in. “You know how close Idriss and I are. And you know he is one of my boyfriend’s best friends. Which brings me to the logical conclusion that you already have the answer to your question and the only reason you’re asking me that is because you are wondering about your ex, who happens to be another of my brother’s best friend. So stop beating around the bush and talk.”

Ah.

Well.

Said like that…there’s not point pretending she’s wrong, is there?

Lucas doesn’t stop on the thought that his friend is way too deductive to his taste and he quickly glances around to make sure they are still alone in the room.

During the past years, he’s always known all about his friends’ living situation; for example, he’d learn Mika had moved in with Camille and that in his place, Alexia had moved in with Manon and Lisa. But there are two persons he still doesn’t know about.

Maybe he could have asked Yann or someone else before. Maybe, for some inexplicable reasons, Lucas had been scared to be confronted to the answer.

“Are Idriss and Eliott still living together?”

Now is the perfect opportunity to learn more and finally get answers to his questions.

Imane puts down the knife she is holding and then grab the cloth to wipe her hands. She turns her back to the countertop and leans back against it, resting her weight on her forearms and looking at him carefully.

“They are,” she pauses and her eyes seem to be scanning Lucas’ face. The young man is quite curious to know what she is expecting to read on his face when she adds, “with Arthur, too.”

Lucas nods.

Then he looks down, trying to get busy with his cucumber again. He is oddly disappointed to finally get his suspicions confirmed but at least, he can now forget about it and focus on something else.

“Cool.”

Imane doesn’t seem quite done with the topic, though.

“Does that bother you? That Arthur lives with Eliott?”

“What – no!” He denies and maybe he does so slightly too fast, for someone supposedly unaffected. It’s just that – “I mean. It’s weird of course, but it was to be expected… that they would live together at some point. It’s just – you know, something to get used to and all but that’s not my business.”

As Lucas is trying to justify his reaction, Imane only looks at him more and more confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Er – well…which couple wouldn’t want to live together after being in a relationship for so long?”

Imane’s eye widen as realization flashes through them, before she burst into uncontrollable laughter, which she unnefctively tries to hide behind her hand.

Lucas frowns, feeling slightly insulted and like, were the situation reversed, this isn’t something he’d really consider using as a joking matter.

He is about to let Imane know all about his thoughts but she interrupts him before the words have time to even pass his already parted lips.

“Lucas. Do you really think my brother – Idriss – would be able to handle living with a couple?”

Lucas stays silent and stares blankly at her, unsure what to answer; unsure what he wants to believe this can mean or not.

Noticing how serious Lucas is, Imane quickly regains her serious too and she sighs.

“I’m not quite sure what you’ve been believing all this time, but Arthur and Eliott are not together. They’ve never been.”

_Oh._

Even if they were only doubts and suppositions, Lucas had been pretty convinced his thoughts would get confirmed. He isn’t exactly expecting this answer and gape stupidly, most probably looking like a Pacific Blue-Eye fish out of the water.

“They’re not…? They’ve never – “

“Never.” Imane confirms.

She shakes her head negatively to emphasize her word, as if in addition to hearing the words, Lucas needed to see the negation from his eyes.

“Listen…” Imane seems to be pondering her next words a short instant before visibly giving up on her internal debate. “It’s not my place to tell you anything, especially because I myself, don’t know too many details and because I know you’ve moved on. But if the whole Grew is going to hang out together again, it might not be a bad idea to have a talk with them about the topic.”

Lucas opens his mouth to ask her what else she knows and what she exactly means by that, but he is interrupted by no one else than Eliott, stumbling into the room and almost stopping when he sees them both.

He only slows down his steps though.

Their eyes hold for a couple of seconds, before Eliott is offering an amicable nod and a smile. Lucas automatically reply to the nod but his ex doesn’t see it as he’s already started walking to the sink, most probably to fill up the empty water bottle he’s holding.

As he walks past Lucas, the younger man immediately catches the fragrance of the older man’s smell; a mix of shampoo, cigarette smoke and old books and paint. Something so typically Eliott; a scent that had always made Lucas’ insides flutter and –

This is definitely _not_ what is happening.

Lucas straightens his back. He hasn’t eaten anything since he woke up and the three pieces of feta he has eaten a few minutes ago were definitely not enough to stop his stomach from protesting against the great lack of attention it has been subjected to.

That’s all.

Lucas gathers some slices of cucumber between his hands and drops them into a large glass, mixing bowl. He doesn’t listen as Imane says something to Eliott; something probably funny if Eliott’s little laughs accompanying his answer is anything to go by.

Once Eliott is gone out of the kitchen again – and Lucas definitely doesn’t need to stop himself from inhaling as the other walks past him again – Imane and him start a new conversation. The topic isn’t brought back up and the young man understands that his friend his once again showing maturity and prioritising the respect of her friends, knowing full well she isn’t the better placed to tell Lucas about the subject.

This is a trait of personality that Lucas has actually always loved about Imane.

Once they are finished with preparing lunch, they place the now mixed cold salad in the fridge and then Lucas goes outside to sit by the pool with Yann and Basile, while they are all waiting for the rest of the group to come back from Florence to have lunch.

Lucas is in a middle of a debate with Yann, when he notices Arthur sitting on a deck chair under a large parasol by the other side of the pool, playing cards with Emma and Sofiane while Alexia is playing the guitar next to them.

Lucas momentarily wonders is there is a piano somewhere inside the villa, before remembering that he offered the blond to let him have his second cap for the week.

He is just about to stand up and go to his room to look for the hat, but this is the exact moment two arms wrap around his neck. He tilts his head back to look up and is greeted by a kiss on the forehead.

“Hey sexy.”

Lucas smiles and ignoring Basile’s catcall, he gets up and place himself in front of his boyfriend, hands immediately resting on his waist so he can stand up on his toes and kiss him sweetly on the lips.

After another sweet but short kiss, Lucas is quick to slip out of Mathis’ hands despite his boyfriend whining at the loss. He is quick to run around and warn everyone that it’s lunchtime, encouraging them all to gather around the outside table so that they can _finally_ start lunch.

As Lucas is sitting at the table and his mind is finally taken away from his protesting stomach, his conversation with Imane comes back to him. He isn’t sure what to do with what he just learned. So Arthur and Eliott had never been a couple. 

The thought that he had apparently been missing a few elements this past three years is a little disturbing. Especially when he had been so convinced.

Why didn’t any of his friends tell him?

_Maybe because you kept shutting them down whenever they try to bring up the topic._

The more he thinks about it, the more Lucas believes that Arthur has been used.

If this is really what happened, how can Arthur be OK with it and live with Eliott? Unless he forgave him?

Or is Eliott somehow still using Arthur in some kind of ways? The thought makes Lucas want to protect his friend. And then again, Lucas had not seen any suspicious behaviour during the past almost three days…

Lucas has already decided that, him being healed from this all and having moved on, doesn’t mean he’s not allowed to wonder. Besides, Imane is right. If they are all going to hang out again, he needs to know. He is tiring of trying to guess. It is quite pointless and frustrating – so it is decided; today, he will have a talk with Arthur.

The opportunity presents itself rather quickly when, after they’ve finished lunch and spent quite some time simply talking around the table, Idriss suggest a game of football.

Surprisingly and despite the heat, everyone agrees, with the final argument that they can easily have a quick shower to rinse off the sweat and then jump in the pool to cool down.

Only Arthur still seems to be considering it.

_Now is the moment._

After rapidly whispering his intention to Mathis, Lucas walks up to the blond.

“Should we fetch this cap I promised you?”

Lucas isn’t entirely sure if there’s something in his eyes giving his intention away, but Arthur seems to understand the double meaning and nods.

A few curious eyes follow them as they cross the deck but no one comments on it.

Everyone saw them arriving at the restaurant together with Manon the day before, so it is only logical a talk would ensue soon.

As they are about to walk inside, Lucas catches a gaze in the reflection of the glass door, following their steps.

He shivers despite the heavy Italian summer heat.

There’s definitely something going on there. It’s starting to appear like, whenever Lucas is alone, Eliott can smile at him normally but whenever there is someone else around (understand, Mathis or Arthur), his gaze becomes…different.

Once they’re upstairs, Lucas intentionally leaves the bedroom door open so none of them feels to enclosed.

He isn’t too sure where to starts, so instead he mutters something quickly and busies himself with rummaging through his bags. When he finally find the cap, he turns with a little victorious noise escaping his lips, only to find Arthur sitting on the bed and looking at him curiously.

Right.

Lucas tries to keep on a smile and swallows as discreetly as he can when he walks to him, handing the cap as soon as he is close enough for his arm to reach the blond.

Arthur accepts it and tries it on, smiling when it fits perfectly.

“Thank you, Lucas. You’re a life saver.”

Lucas isn’t sure if he is the only one feeling how the air has shifted into something slightly palpable; but it quickly becomes too much for him to be comfortable with.

He doesn’t have time to think about what to say, though – Arthur seems to know exactly what he wants to start with.

“I missed you, you know. “

Although Arthur’s smile has disappeared, his face isn’t displaying any kind of negative feelings. If anything, his eyes are looking almost sad. Nostalgic.

Lucas takes a deep breath.

So. It seems like they’re going straight into the topic, then.

“I missed you, too.”

He really doesn’t have the heart to lie. That’s not what they’re here for anyway.

Arthur is once again the first to find his next words.

“I know that I hurt you, Lucas.”

He pauses, visibly looking for his next words and Lucas let him, only nodding sombrely as images from the past invades his mind against his consent.

“You were one of my closest friend. Betraying you was never my intention. We – “

In a sudden burst of sadness, Lucas can’t keep his emotion quiet, and although he feels it pretty intensely, he doesn’t feel angry.

“Why did you do it then?” He half whispers and he can feel his eyes start to burn as the need to understand becomes stronger than ever.

At this point of his life, he only wants to understand. And although he doesn’t want to appear weak, he can’t hep the way his body is reacting.

“After I tried to support you the best I could. And you knew what I had been through after he broke up with me…”

Arthur’ s eyes – eyes filled with sorrow that the glasses the blond just removed can’t hide – bore into his.

“I know. Your support meant so much and I will never forget myself for hurting you. It’s just… God, Lucas. I really want our friendship back, but you need to know that – “ the blond take a deep breath, “it was all my fault.”

Lucas frowns.

Out of all he was expecting to hear, this was not even at the top of the list.

“What? No it wasn’t your fault, Arthur. You were confused and – wait. Did Eliott manipulate you into saying that? Did he – “

“Lucas.” Arthur interrupts, shaking his head, “Eliott has never manipulated me. This terrible night… I told Eliott that you and Mathis were dating and then – ”

The blond stops mid sentence to swallow heavily. Shocked by this unexpected revelation; Lucas’ eyes widen.

“You told him what?!" He chokes." We weren’t – How did you…?”

Lucas feels too astounded to even know what he is trying to say.

Instead, he lets himself fall heavily on the bed next to the blond.

As he does so, Arthur’s turn toward him and follows his movements, frowning and looking at him surprisingly.

“You mean… you were not dating?”

Lucas sighs and shrugs.

“No. Not really. I told him I still had feelings for Eliott.”

He feels suddenly quite lost and isn’t sure what to feel. What was happening? Had it all really be a big misunderstanding?

“Oh. I thought –“ a horrified look suddenly crosses Arthur’s face as he realizes how what he said to Eliott might have changed the course of things. _“Oh my god_ … “

He hides his face in his hands for a short instant before emerging again, looking distressed in a way Lucas had only witnessed a couple of times before.

“I’m so sorry, Lucas. It makes things even worse, doesn’t it? Had I shut my mouth – it was all a big misunderstanding...”

Lucas swallows heavily, unsure what to do with this new piece of information.

So that night, Eliott had thought Lucas and Mathis were dating.

It _does_ change a few things, but there is still –

“That doesn’t explain it all, though. I mean. Why do that?”

“I’m not sure I should be the one telling you that, but... It’s not Eliott’s fault. He and I bumped into each other and… he told me… he wanted to know where you were.

Arthur pauses again, getting these words off his chest visibly something painful for him too. Lucas watches blankly as the blond wipes a stray tear running down his cheek.

“He told me he was going to try a win you back… that he still loved you – ”

Lucas’ eyes widen.

_He what –_

“ – and then I told him you and Mathis were dating and … he was so heartbroken, Lucas.”

Cold, burning ice is slowly flowing its way through Lucas’ veins directly to his heart.

He springs up to his feet – as if stung by the bed underneath him.

He stares down at the blond incredulously; so many emotions and thoughts crossing his mind in a wild tornado.

Lucas wants to be angry with Arthur. He really wants to.

But then, the little voice of wisdom and reason inside Lucas’ head, the one he’s learned to listen to, tells him that… had he told Arthur all about his whereabouts at the time; this would probably have never happened.

Arthur would have known exactly what was going on in Lucas’ romantic life and would not have assumed whatever it is he thought was happening.

Lucas and Arthur had been living together and sharing practically everything. So when what Lucas had thought an innocent secret; one regarding himself only – one he wanted to keep for himself to have some privacy after the disaster he had just came out of...

This seems to be a major case of butterfly effect. And as angry as Lucas wants to be, he knows he can’t.

He knows better now, than to let his emotions dictate his reactions too much.

The maturity and confidence in himself he’d gained over the past three years, are at least serving him now in managing to identify the source of his anger and control it.

Lucas can recognize that, he is not actually angry; he is just really confused about what it means for his present situation.

Had he explained to Arthur what was going on, maybe Lucas would have never been with Mathis.

As hard as it is to imagine what could have been, it is also hard to think about a past without Mathis.

There are still a few blurry points, though. Not everything is making perfect sense yet, and there is more Lucas needs to be explained.

Blurry points only Eliott really has the exact answer to.

But at the moment, it is too much to take in at once.

Lucas isn’t sure what to think anymore. This does not change his feelings for Mathis of course.

But he needs time to sort out his thoughts and accept that not _everything_ had been Eliott’s fault. Maybe – and maybe, only – this means that Lucas could forgive him.

There is one more things he wants to know from Arthur, though.

“But what pushed _you_ to… you know. _You._ Had it already been something on your mind? Did you tell him that I was dating Mathis so that you could – ”

“No !” Arthur interrupts him vehemently, standing up so he can face him, “ Of course not. I would have never done that to you, Lucas! I saw you and Mathis together and I thought… I really thought you were a couple. That this would be enough for you not to mind. And it was never about Eliott. I was… it was…”

A slight reddish colour blossoms on Arthur’s cheeks, making him appear like he is slightly embarrassed by the question.

He shakes his head negatively.

“I had my own reasons, but… it has nothing to do with Eliott. It’s nothing important. I think this is a conversation for another day. We probably both need time to assimilate what we just learned and what it means.”

Lucas wonders what could have possibly pushed Arthur to act this way, but he also agrees to what he is saying – he feels a little out of breath and whatever were Arthur’s reasons, Lucas feels like he isn’t ready to hear much more right now.

“I am _so_ sorry, Lucas,” Arthur repeats once again and he tentatively places a gentle hand on Lucas’ shoulder.

Lucas looks into the blond’s eyes for a few more seconds, trying to read him. The sincerity and regrets in his eyes are pretty hard to miss.

He sighs.

“I’m upset and I do need some time to think about it. But I’m not angry, Arthur. I realise I also had my part of responsibility in this. I realise that I should have told you there was nothing between Mathis and I.”

“No. You totally had the right to keep some privacy, it’s absolutely not your fault.”

“Maybe. But we were living together. You were telling me all about your own private life. I should not have kept mine from you.”

Arthur blushes again and let his hand fall from Lucas’ shoulder as he clears his throat. He opens his mouth to say something before seemingly changing his mind and shaking his head.

“You should probably talk with Eliott.”

Lucas cringes a little. He isn’t too sure about that just yet.

“I don’t know. I’ve moved on a long time ago,” he protests weakly.

Arthur nods, probably understanding it’s not his place to tell Lucas more about what he should do or not.

“I understand. You’re with Mathis now. Sometimes it’s better not to dig deeper into the past if you’re happy.”

Lucas’ doesn’t reply immediately, his attention catching on the blonds’ words. He is quickly distracted though, as Arthur adds in a shy but hopeful voice.

“Do you think you can ever forgive me?”

Lucas considers the question for a few seconds.

_Can he now?_

Had Arthur not interfered… Lucas would not be with Mathis.

The man he loves.

“I think I will. With some time.”

He smiles shyly and this is enough for now; Arthur’s shoulders seems to slightly relax.

In the end, they don’t hug, but they do shake hands amicably and join, the rest of the group.

Lucas wants to go to Mathis and seek the comfort of his arms and his sent, but at the same time, as he steps out on the deck and sees him happy and laughing loudly with Basile and Yann, Lucas changes his mind. He doesn’t want to worry him.

He actually only feels like staying alone to try and sort his thoughts.

So he goes back upstairs to grab his headphones and baseball hat and then he walks out the villa by the front door.

He finds a little path and follows it, piano melodies echoing in his ears as he takes in the beautiful landscapes displaying in front of his eyes.

The young man is out for probably a little more than an hour and when he comes back, his head is a little clearer and he happily welcomes the hug Mathis engulfs him in, inhaling his smell deeply.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” , he whispers to his ear.

Lucas shakes his head and mutters a small “later” before re placing his head in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck.

He manages to put on his normal, happy face after this, and spend the rest of the afternoon playing volleyball and all different kind of games in the pool with everyone.

Later, after they’ve had another light dinner, they decide to hang out around the pool for the rest of the evening. They unanimously agree on playing some drinking games and organize themselves so they can all sit in a circle.

Lucas is sprawled on an armchair by himself while Mathis sits between Yann and Alexia on the couch on his right. He barely dares looking at Eliott, who is sitting on a couch opposite him with Idriss and Manon.

Wine and bears are passed around as the sun starts to set dangerously low, slowly letting the moon take over its reign.

They start with a game of piccolo – which consists on entering the players' names onto the piccolo phone application. The system then generates random drinking actions and questions for each of them to perform aor answer. Sometimes including other players or not.

They play the 'soft' version first, which consists of easy simple tasks.

It begins with each person having to read their last text message out loud; the players who refuse have to drink three sips of their drinks.

Everyone except Manon’s couch, accept to read their last texts. Lucas gets a few 'aaws' when he reads the last message he sent – a cute text he sent to his mum the day before, along with the selfie with the bridge in the background.

Then, Emma, who is holding the phone and reading the tasks, announces that: “Yann, the next person you look in the eyes drinks three times.”

Lucas should have known better, really. He should have closed his eyes as soon as he caught sight of Yann’s evil smirk directed at him. He doesn’t react fast enough though, but gladly take three sips of his beer anyway.

He is definitely not against some alcohol and its magic today. Not that he is planning on abusing it – he is now well aware abusing this kind of substance never leads to anything good – but just enough to feel relaxed and giddy.

Then they have a few random tasks like:

“Sofiane must now speak with a Russian accent. Drink when you don’t.”

“Basile, you can’t say yes or no until given permission. Drink if you do.”

“Daphné who do you think has already cheated during an exam: Arthur or Imane.”

Then they each have to give a car brand and the one that cannot name a new one or repeats one that has already been listed, has to drink.

Mathis drinks at this, which doesn’t surprise Lucas – his boyfriend’s could recite all the most famous world climbers or the periodic table of elements but has never really been into cars at all.

All in all, they all get pleasantly tipsy, save from Imane, Manon and Sofiane who have soft drinks.

Eliott doesn’t look like he is drinking too much but Lucas can still see from the corner of his eyes that his second beer is almost finished.

Everyone seems to be having a good time and enjoying this warm summer night.

The moon has now fully risen and if you walk a few steps away from the garden string fairy lights that are basking them in a warm convivial orange, yellowish light, the stars are shining brightly above them. The crickets are chirping and the soothing lapping of the waves provoked by the warm breeze on the pool can be heard in the rare moment of silence. Which doesn’t actually happen that often, as they’re now all talking and laughing merrily and rather loudly, probably not all waiting for their turn in the game to take new sips of their drinks.

After a second round of the ‘soft’ version, it is agreed that they will now give a try to the hot also called, ‘caliente’ version of the game.

At this point, Lucas is honestly too tipsy and having too much of a good time to realise how this could go wrong.

This time, it starts with Alexia being tasked to “kiss you right neighbour on the nose.”

And see, the first questions are not even that ‘hot’ or challenging them out of their comfort zone.

Each person is then requested to take a piece of clothing off and it doesn’t really get worse than that. All the embarrassing, revealing questions seems to be going to the Bakhellal siblings, who in turn, try their hardest not to look at the other or cringe when one decide to answer instead of drink – and more often than not, Lucas can’t help but giggles drunkenly along the others.

As the beer is now starting to dilute generously along with Lucas’s blood, he feels the soothing warm fuzzy blanket of alcohol cover his body.

When Emma grins widely as she reads Daphné’s next question, “What’s the most scandalous location you’ve ever had sex in?” Lucas can’t even bring himself to care about the answer.

His brain acts on instinct and he doesn’t even think twice about it; his eyes unconsciously lift up to where Eliott is already looking back at him from the other side of the circle.

Lucas shudders when vivid flashes of bright colour and painted skin pass behind his eyes.

“Manon, if you had to sleep with one person in this room, who would it be?”

Lucas keeps registering Emma’s voice but doesn’t actually pay attention to the words.

He doesn’t look away.

Neither does Eliott.

Until –

“Eliott, make up your mind; who do you think fakes the most during sex: Lucas or Emma?”

Emma burst into giggles as she finishes to read, and like many – she is too drunk to realise the awkward combination of names in this question.

Lucas’ breath hitch when he sees as a fire lit up in Eliott’s eyes.

_Shit._

The younger man is suddenly filled with dread. Although he feels like he’s already past being tipsy, this question sobers him up.

It feels too personal. Too provocative. Too –

Eliott hasn’t looked away. His eyes still have this intense glint that scares Lucas. He doesn’t look exactly drunk but he’s not exactly sober either; more like tipsy. The tipsy kind, that gives you enough confidence to talk your mind without shame.

In the end, he turns his gaze to look at Emma as he answers.

“Well. I can’t tell for you. But Lucas always looked pretty content and satiated each time we made love.”

Lucas’ eyes widen and his first reflex is to glance over at his boyfriend. From where he is sitting, Lucas immediately sees how Mathis’ eyes have harden and the way his whole body seems to have stiffen. By the way his lips are pinched together, Lucas also guesses that his boyfriend is stopping himself from saying something.

“That doesn’t mean he never faked,” Yann intervenes in a vain attempt to try and save the moment.

Lucas really does appreciate the intention, but he would have preferred for his best friend to shut his mouth, as right now, instead of dropping the subject, the words only seem to encourage Eliott further.

He takes full advantage of the sudden stupor that has befallen on their little group and hums pensively.

“I guess you’re right. There’s only one way to know then. Tell me Mat,” and he fully rotates toward him, eyes feral, “ is Lucas gasping in your ear and are his eyes rolling in the back of his head when lust and passion take over his mind? Is his body pushing up into yours until you feel the heat radiating from his skin? Does he beg you to continue as he throws his head back, shuddering for breath? Does he arch his back and expose his neck for you to bite when the fire inside of him grows too ardent? Are his legs wrapping so tightly around your waist it makes his muscles clench and tremble against your own? Is Lucas’ jaw dropping in a breathless gasp and his face tensing in ecstasy as he comes?

Eliott finally stops, out of breath, eyes incandescent.

A heavy silence, only interrupted by the crickets’ oblivious chirping in the night, falls around them.

Suddenly, it is like the time has stopped and a delicate, thin bubble has surrounded them, only waiting for the slightest of wind to burst.

Lucas knows it is not the alcohol reacting when his face and his neck - and probably his whole body - become crimson. Hearing such a detailed and graphic description of his most intimate moment… is certainly not something he ever though he'd have to listen to in public.

His breathing has stopped and his eyes are frozen in a wide expression of utter shock and shame and –

He feels _hot_.

The scorching heat radiating from his cheeks, neck and the tip of his ears is almost unbearable. Even worse than any kind of sunburn he’s ever had.

Everyone is still silent, too mystified and flabbergasted by Eliott’s inflamed and – _hot,_ monologue to react.

No one is moving either, which is effectively keeping the illusion that the time has stopped.

The wind rise and - the once timeless bubble, violently burst into a hurricane.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!”

Everything accelerates at once and in the blink of an eye, Mathis is already on his legs and standing in front of Eliott.

Eliott stands up too; fist tight against his sides, eyes challenging fires and lips a tight line.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve here,” Mathis hiss, “but it better stops, right now!”

Eliott’s eyes are stern and challenging, but as Mathis continues with his burst of anger and accusations, Eliott’s eyes slowly shift from one emotion to another, from fire to discomfiture, to looking fully contrite.

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough, already? Now you have to disrespect and expose him like that in front of his friends? And for what purpose, exactly? Tell me!”

Eliott shakes his head; looking almost horrified by what he’s just done.

“I –“

But Mathis, whose rage is also alimented by the alcohol in his system, isn’t done yet. He stabs a strong finger into Eliott’s chest and push him back on the couch.

“This is utterly disrespectful and improper! You made your own choices three years ago, now you’d better stick to them and stop feeling like you have to try and ridicule me, only so you can pride your ego. I’m not sure what is going on in this brain of yours, but Lucas and I are – ”

“Mathis!”

Lucas hasn’t even realised he’s talked and stood up, but suddenly, he is also in front of Eliott, standing next to his boyfriend.

He isn’t exactly sure what element made him react so quickly and how he’s managed to remain so calm and in control of his own emotions.

Maybe he got afraid that Mathis would reveal what they decided to announce after the wedding. Or maybe Lucas got worried that in his drunken wrath; Mathis would say hurtful things to Eliott.

Particularly, hurtful things related to his bipolarity.

And in every universe, Lucas can’t let that happen.

Furthermore, Mathis is someone gentle and kind and Lucas will not let this stupid accident change that.

The younger man places a gentle hand on Mathis arms and shakes his head slowly.

“Please stop. It’s OK.”

Mathis doesn’t reply and Lucas can feel through the fabric of his shirt how tense the strong muscles in his arms are. His eyes are still focused on Eliott in a cold anger.

“It’s _not_ OK, Lucas.” He grits between his teeth. “He – “

“- is drunk.” Lucas finishes for him, and there’s a final quality to his tone. “There’s no point arguing over that tonight. Let’s just forget about it.”

Lucas isn’t sure when the role got reversed; when Mathis became the hot-headed one and Lucas the wise, reasoning one. Maybe he is even stronger than he thought. Maybe his talks with Arthur and Imane are having some sort of influence on him, too.

Or maybe he simply didn’t want anyone to get hurt. Emotionally hurt.

Eliott’s eyes shift to him and Lucas would be blind to miss the shame and regret.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers in a voice that goes straight to Lucas’ heart.

Is he only apologising about his outburst?

Eliott swallows heavily and turn his gaze away, seemingly incapable to hold Lucas’ eyes any longer. “I don’t know what came over me. It won’t happen again.”

Lucas nods and holds his breath as he waits for Mathis to say something.

He is aware now, of their friend’s eyes watching them carefully, still silent but probably ready to jump in if things become more heated.

Lucas feels slightly uncomfortable to have his own person and relationships at the centre of the attention.

Now that the adrenaline is slightly dissipating, he is kind of feeling like he wants to crawl into a hole and hide until everyone forgets about this. He hopes this will be totally forgotten tomorrow so Yann’s and Emma’s wedding week isn’t spoiled by his own… problems. He will probably have to apologise to his two friends tomorrow and promise it will not happen again. No need to bother them with this, especially when the big day is now fast approaching.

In the end, Mathis takes a deep breath and shakes his head disapprovingly. His eyes are still pretty severe when he turns in Lucas’ direction. He presses a kiss in his hair nonetheless before stomping toward the villa without another word or look to anyone.

Lucas is torn.

He is too, angry with Eliott and he wants to follow Mathis.

But he is also extremely confused by what he felt when he heard Eliott’s words.

If anything, he feels quite dazed right now.

Especially since he knows there is some truth in what Eliott said.

As much as Lucas enjoys sex with Mathis and desires him, there has always been something missing. Don’t get him wrong, the passion is there and they have amazing sex. But it’s like he cannot go higher than that, like he is never fully able to abandon himself to the moment. Like he needs to stay in control.

Lucas is still standing there, quite dumbly and looking in empty space, lost in his thoughts, when Idriss and Sofiane stand up and drag Eliott away.

Once they’ve disappeared inside too, and most of the tension has dissipated with them, the silence is finally interrupted by Basile.

“Guys… is it me or that description was super erotic? I think I almost got a boner. Hey - _ouch!_ ”

He yelps indignantly when Arthur elbows him in the ribs at the same time Daphné slaps the back of his head.

Everyone looks pretty sobered up by now, and it is quickly decided that they should call it a night.

Manon is the last one to walk back inside; she kisses his cheek tenderly and wishes him a good night after letting him know that she’s only a storey away if he wants to talk. Lucas smiles and mutters a thank.

He doesn’t go back inside. Instead, he walks to the pool.

He removes all his clothes, and once he's down to his boxer shorts, he plunges into the pool. He resurfaces and does a few laps before slowing down when his muscles starts to protest.

As he is floating on his back and letting the lukewarm water lap at his body soothingly, his eyes get lost in the sky above him.

He observes the bright, distant stars curiously and lets his mind wander.

Most of them are only faraway ghosts he realizes. He knows that he is looking at what their shines used to be. Most, wherever they were, do no longer exist but they still continue to shine through time and space. This thought make him feel really insignificant and humble.

How lucky are they to be here? And to be able to witness the results of years and years of hectic travel through the galaxy.

He wonders then, how many Lucas' are in this exact position right now?

As he stares at the past, present and future entities watching over him from the sky, Lucas lets the memories from his own past unfurl through his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t be too upset with Arthur… there’s more to that!
> 
> Next: We’ll be going back in time for a few chapters. Still unsure if this is a smart/good way for story telling, but this is how I first visualised this story and now that it’s all mostly written, I can’t really find any other way to introduce these chapters soo… there we go.


	5. You Never Wondered?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June 2020 – Paris: Lucas and Eliott are in love.   
> Times are good.   
> Though, a disturbing thought seems to be weighing on Eliott’s mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the readers watching season 7 - this chapter was written before it got released. Also, little reminder: even if I've kept a few elements from it, season 6 never happened in this universe. 
> 
> /TW/- Safe, moderated alcohol consumption & explicit smut at the end of the chapter.

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**.**

**3 Years Earlier**

**Early June 2020 -** **Paris  
**

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**.**

“What do you think about this guy?”

Lucas halts his movement and looks up, the hand holding onto the spoon of ice cream he just literally and quite hungrily shoved into his mouth staying frozen in place.

Straciatella and raspberry flavors burst pleasantly onto his tongue and palate and he has to hold back a little satisfied moan from passing the barrier of his lips. His intrigued eyes scan his boyfriend’s face curiously as he slowly resumes on sucking on his spoon, duly licking all remaining Italian ice cream from it.

Weren’t they just talking about visiting Eliott’s parents during the summer holidays? Or had the conversation changed without him realizing while he was busy gathering as much ice cream as possible on his teaspoon?

“What guy?” He asks as he swallows down his ice cream, the cold treat momentarily numbing his mouth and throat.

Sitting opposite him with a glass, ice cream cup almost untouched, placed in front of him, Eliott simply tilts his head on the side, visibly indicating something located on the far corner of the _café_ where they are currently having their coffee-turned-ice cream date.

Or apparently, indicating someone. A guy.

Lucas curiously turns his head, not really bothering with being subtle. As it is the middle of a sunny Sunday afternoon, people are mostly sitting outside, enjoying the sun as they eat their ice cream, some of them accompanying it with a cigarette and thus leaving the place relatively empty. In consequences, Lucas’ eyes immediately fall on a blond boy with curly hair. Said boy seems to be relatively close to their age, with some light freckles covering his nose and cheekbones. Ear buds are placed in his ears and a laptop is open in front of him, largely surrounded by books and papers. He is most probably studying for the bac, a thing Lucas would himself still be doing had his lover not dragged him outside.

When he realizes he’s been caught starring, the boy quickly averts his eyes and focus his attention back on one of the seemingly forgotten open book; the deep blush spreading furiously across his face visible from where Lucas and Eliott are sitting a couple of tables away.

Lucas eyebrows rise up in surprise and he redirects his intrigued gaze back to Eliott.

His boyfriend is not moving and is attentively observing him from under his lashes. There is an uncanny glint in his eyes that contrasts with his otherwise relaxed features.

“Uh… ”

Lucas isn’t exactly sure what he is supposed to reply so instead, he takes one more spoon of his ice cream to buy himself some time. But Eliott is still looking like he is expecting an answer so Lucas swallows quickly and settles for something relatively neutral.

”He seems nice. Do you know him?”

Eliott snorts loudly and this: is really the last reaction Lucas expected to see from him.

The younger man’s growing confusion only increases when his boyfriend repeats, “nice,” in a mutter and slowly shakes his head with… disbelief?

As if what Lucas just said didn’t make any sense.

Lucas frowns, feeling quite lost – is he missing something important here?

Not even five minutes ago, Eliott had been babbling on excitedly about their plans for the summer: a short visit with his parents to their summer house in Biarritz, before the little two weeks road trip along the Atlantic coast with just the two of them.

Eliott was one of those people who were finding the French Riviera too overrated and too crowded. Lucas didn’t necessarily have an opinion on the matter– as long as he was with his boyfriend, he didn’t really care where they were going.

Once their ice cream had been placed in front of them, there had been a short silence when they both had started digging into their desserts, and Lucas isn’t sure what possibly changed his boyfriend’s mood during this very short lapse of time. Not that Eliott is looking upset. Not really. It is more a weird combination between bewildered and frustrated.

“He was checking you out, Lucas.” Eliott finally explains as if this is the most logical thing.

His boyfriend’s voice almost makes Lucas feel like he’s being explained something so very obvious, something that he is supposed to know. Like 2 + 2 equals 4 or that the moon orbits around the earth. Lucas would honestly have been less surprised if Eliott’s voice had sounded jealous.

But he isn’t. Instead, the next thing Lucas hears is a resigned sigh.

_Right…_

“Okaay,” Lucas exhales slowly, dragging on the word to once again give himself some more time to think about what he should say next.

Could that, in fact, be Eliott acting jealous? Lucas knows that Eliott never doubted his loyalty but he still feels like he maybe should add something to reassure him.

”You know I don’t give a shit about that, right? I only see you, Eliott. I hope you never doubt that.”

And his first intention might be to try and reassure Eliott, but Lucas truly means every single word he said: who might or might not be interested in him, means absolutely nothing for him. Lucas only has eyes for the beautiful, caring and talented artist sitting in front of him. The younger man can’t help the enamored smile that stretches his lips as he says these words, and gently grabs the other’s hand resting on the table.

Even if he finds Eliott’s sudden behavior odd, he cannot hide his affection – he is so in love and he is definitely not ashamed to show it. Not anymore. Not since this man of his has showed him how beautiful and magical love can be.

A soft smile tugs now shyly at the corner of his boyfriend’s lips and soft eyes lifts up from where they were so focus on the table between them and – _god_.

Lucas falls in love all over again with these bluish eyes that always seems to be diving into the depths of his soul. All trace of frustration is gone and really, how can he resist this almost sheepish look.

His boyfriend’s crinkling eyes reassure Lucas but he is still curious as to what exactly encouraged Eliott to bring up this topic.

“Why did you ask me that?”

Eliott’s smile falters slightly and his gaze drifts to the right, looking to nothing in particular. He brings his free hand to his lips and start rubbing the tips of his fingers against them and –

Lucas recognizes this gesture and what it means now.

_Why is he nervous?_

“Well, he is handsome. Don’t you think?”

Lucas doesn’t move his hand from where it’s positioned on Eliott’s left one, but flinch slightly.

_Wait. What?_

He attempts to hide his surprise behind a laugh but can’t shake the uneasiness from his voice when he tries to go for a joke.

“Eliott, I can’t quite tell if you’re suggesting a threesome or if you're subtly trying to make me understand you want to leave me for this guy.”

Eliott’ eyes immediately snap back to him and his right hand fly on top of their already joined ones.

“ Lucas, what – _no_! I don’t want to be with that guy, that’s not what I mean at all. You are so handsome and smart and caring and – you are e _verything_ to me, Lucas.”

Lucas can’t help but let go of the breath he was unconsciously holding and smiles gently, but Eliott isn’t totally done with the topic.

He shrugs and tries nonchalantly, “I guess I was just trying to say that you could have anyone, if you wanted to.”

Lucas is admittedly growing more and more confused by the turn this conversation is taking. To be perfectly honest, he had always felt like the one in a relationship with the boy everyone was lusting after. Like the one that could easily be left behind for someone better. Smarter. Prettier.

“My love,” Lucas says, throat constricting as he hears his boyfriend’s admission. He had never thought Eliott was sharing this kind of thoughts with him. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else but you. You are the first man I ever fell in love with and you will be the last. I only ever want you.

Lucas is once again taken aback by Eliott’s reaction when he turns his eyes to him, frustration clearly back and this time apparent all over his face.

“Don’t you see that’s exactly the problem, here? How can you know? You never had anyone else than me!”

Something finally clicks in Lucas’ brain when he hears those words and the last piece of the puzzle falls into place. The younger man is now pretty sure he knows what is going on in his lover’s brain and he decides to play along – though, maybe not exactly as Eliott meant.

“I’ve been with two girls before being with you.”

See, the thing is, Lucas is definitely not proud of the reasons why he had been with Sarah and Chloé in the first place, but he wants to reassure Eliott in any kind of way he can.

Which doesn’t actually seem to work as well as he was hoping if his lover’s renewed, exasperated sighs, is anything to go by.

“Come on. You can barely call those relationships. You weren’t with them for more than a couple of weeks. You didn’t even get intimate with them.”

Eliott winces as soon as the words pass his lips and Lucas’ nose scrunches up in disgust; both of them obviously not enjoying the mental images those words involuntarily brings to the front of their mind.

“Thanks god for that.”

Their eyes meet halfway above the table; hesitant, pinched smiles blossoming on both their faces, before quickly transforming into quiet giggles to end up finishing with both boys bursting into laughter after hearing Lucas’ unmistakably relieved mutter.

Their laugh last a couple of minutes, all dimples, crinkling eyes and amused smiles, and Lucas feels the tension he didn’t realize had started to build inside of him, evacuate his body.

They’ve both regained their breath when Eliott speaks again; this time, his tone is curious rather than frustrated. Lucas counts that as a victory.

“You never wondered, though? What it would be like with another guy?”

Lucas feels his stomach churn uncomfortably at the concept.

It’s not that the idea of another man loving him, touching him or kissing him is repulsive; it’s just that he has no desire for such a thing to happen. He is in love with Eliott – so the idea of another man’s hands on his skin, is simply not something he likes to imagine.

But although no, he has never wondered, Lucas can still understand why the thought crossed Eliott’s mind and why he would feel worried. He knows it is a valid question. But he also knows that he fell in love with Eliott and never once, felt the need to look for someone else.

Lucas also realizes that in his situation, some people would possibly feel the need to explore and meet some more people before settling in a serious relationship.

Especially before settling in a very, first, relationship with long-term goals.

After all, there is nothing wrong with people who don’t exactly know which kind of partner they want to spend the rest of their life with, especially if they haven’t had a few previous experiences.

Lucas gets that.

But as strange and unusual as this might sound, this is just not who the kind of person Lucas is, though. His heart recognized Eliott as the _One_. He is irrevocably in love with him and everything that makes him the person he is, and therefore, Lucas absolutely doesn't feel the need to be with anyone else to _know_.

Lucas has never been as convinced of something as he is of the fact that him and Eliott are meant to be together. But he doesn’t want to rush his answer.

If this something big enough on Eliott's mind that it makes him worried, then Lucas wants to respect his boyfriend’s concern and take the time to think about the matter properly. And not appear like he doesn’t care about his worries or did not consider his words carefully.

Because Lucas does. Consider Eliott’s words carefully.

And he wants to reassure him on the fact that as long as they are both deeply in love with each other, Lucas will always be completely and utterly happy.

So Lucas let a few good seconds pass as he thinks about his lover’s words before he replies conscientiously.

“No, I never wondered. Sure, I do realize that you are my first serious relationship, my first boyfriend even, and that before you, I had near zero experience with either being in a emotional or sexual relationship. But the thing is, Elliott, I never needed to wonder. Because we complete each other. Because you love my qualities as much as my flaws. Just like I love yours. Because you taught me to accept myself. Because you showed me what love is and there isn’t a day that goes by without you making me happy. I know I have everything I need with you.”

Eliott does look slightly reassured after hearing this. He looks almost quite emotional: the soft, loving smile reserved for Lucas only, appearing back on his lips.

And Lucas would be satisfied if there was not a tiny glint of something too close to doubt still lingering in his lover’s eyes.

“Hey,” he exhales in a breath and squeezes Eliott’s hand so the older man’s meet his eyes, “ _je t’aime_ , Eliott. I don’t need anyone else, you are the man of my dreams. I would not change what we have for the whole world.”

The little glint of doubt in Eliott’s eyes is then replaced by what Lucas has learned to recognize as love and admiration. His body finally seems to relax completely.

Something new, that Lucas already knows too well, flashes in his eyes and a teasing smirk tugs at the corner of his lips.

“The man of your dreams, you say?”

**.**

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**.**

**Early July 2020 -** **Paris**

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**.**

**.**

The next time something similar occurs, Lucas and the Gang are having a game night at his and Eliott’s apartment.

The results of the bac had been announced a few days ago: the whole Grew had successfully passed their exams and fortunately, all of them had been accepted into the universities and schools of their choice.

Consequently, they had of course organized a big party to celebrate their success and properly mark the end of their high-school time together. It had been one amazing night, filled with almost as much tears as laughter, one night they would all remember for a long time. But, as much fun as it had been, Lucas is glad that he gets to have a Gang night with only the four of them – just like old times.

Eliott is out for the night; Lucas isn’t exactly sure where. Although they'd had talks about it, his boyfriend is still really quiet about these urbex parties he often partakes in.

Lucas isn’t too bothered, though.

He had been a little upset at first, especially because Eliott had been lying to him about where he was spending his time on those nights. When Lucas had discovered the truth by accident earlier this year, a long talk had ensued. Eliott had profusely apologized but explained that he needed this as his own, private little garden. Lucas had forgiven him, of course. And understood that it was healthy for them not to be always together and actually do things on their own and with different people.

Not long after this discussion had taken place, Eliott had offered him to come to one of those urbex party. This had been both a way to ‘educate’ Lucas on what this was all about and also a way for Eliott to reassure him. They'd both had a great time, and even though Lucas had enjoyed himself and certainly wouldn’t have been against going to more, he understood this was something Eliott needed for himself. So the next time his boyfriend offered, Lucas smiled and declined, instead texting the Gang to plan a night out before they would all become too busy with studies. They'd had a few of those nights, before quickly transforming them into study sessions at school or at Lucas’ or Imane’s places – preferably when there was some of mama Bakhellal’s cooking leftovers available – all helping each other with the topics the others were not comfortable with.

Lucas isn’t sure he and Basile would have done great in French in Philosophy had Yann and Manon not been there to help them.

As per usual, Eliott had warned Lucas the day before today, that he would be going to a party and Lucas had decided this was a good opportunity to have one of the first summer Gang gathering while they were still all in Paris. Then, they all had some kind of plans out of Paris for the holidays.

The four of them have now been playing quite a few rounds of FIFA on the play station.

Play station that had moved in into Eliott’s and Lucas’ living room along with its owner, Arthur.

When his parents began their divorce proceedings; just after Arthur fought with his dad and his mum discovered the truth about her husband’s international surgeon conventions, Lucas and Eliott had kindly offered the blond to stay with them while his mum was looking for a new flat for them. She had herself temporarily moved in with a close friend, reassured when her son had also found a safe place to stay.

Living in someone else’s living room isn’t easy everyday – Lucas only knows too well what it is like, but they still manage to make it work.

This is how they find themselves currently sitting on Arhur’s bed – transformed back into a couch for the evening. The four of them are now pretty drunk. Drunk enough that when even Yann’s player starts to run backward on the TV screen, no one protests Basile’s suggestion of a _never have I ever_ game.

Lucas thinks this game is quite pointless considering they all know each other pretty well. He is also forced to admit that Basile does have a good argument when he says they still have some secrets to reveal – Arthur’s secret affair with a 34 years old woman the perfect illustration of his reasoning.

When his turn to talk comes, Lucas takes a few seconds to think; he narrows his eyes, and tries to focus. His thoughts are slightly fuzzy, without a doubt because of the few beers they’ve already had tonight, but he wants to make sure he finds something that will make his three friends drink.

He smiles mischievously when a simple but rather efficient thought pops up in his mind.

“Never have I ever, had sex with a girl.”

“Aw man.” Basile whines. “Come on Lulu. That was too easy.”

Expecting this exact reaction from his curly haired friend, Lucas’ grin stretches proudly and he winks at Basile teasingly over his bottle while the later takes a sip of his beer anyway.

“The purpose of the game is to make others drink, Bas, not to be original.”

Yann and Arthur giggle, faces half hidden behind the bottles from which they are also taking their own sip.

“OK, my turn! Never have I ever, thought about having sex with another man!”

Lucas barks out a laugh when he hears Basile playful but vengeful tone and good-naturedly takes a sip of his beer before patting his friend on the shoulder.

It downs on him then: how happy he currently feels. This is in fact, probably the happiest he has ever been in his life.

He has a beautiful and loving boyfriend with whom he is now living in a nice, cozy flat; a safe little heaven where he can welcome his boys and have a good time whenever he wants. And more than that, he has never felt more comfortable with who he is, and happy about who he has become, than he is now.

The time where he was still a scared, closeted teenager afraid to come out to his friends, seems like a different life. Almost like a different universe.

Gay, straight, transgender, asexual and so on – Lucas deeply hopes that every Lucas' from all existing universes, get to be brave enough to be who they are supposed to be. He hopes they all find the Eliott that will help them through difficult times.

Lucas is proud to say that he is now at ease with who he is; he can talk freely with all his loved ones, and even make joke about the whole topic without feeling offended or ashamed or like he has to hide who he is.

Basile’s surprised screech brings Lucas back to his own universe instantly.

“When did you have sex with a guy !?”

Lucas frowns and opens his mouth, ready to answer his friend’s silly question but then notices that Basile is not looking at him, but at Arthur.

The later pushes his glasses back on his nose as he shrugs.

“You didn’t say, never have I ever, _had_ sex _._ You said and I quote, ‘never have I ever, _thought_ about having sex’. It’s not the same.”

The blond takes another sip for good measures, but upon seeing his three friends looking at him quizzically, he lowers his drink back to his lap.

“What, now? Don’t tell me you’ve never wondered? Surely you don’t need to be gay, bi, pan or whatever, to simply wonder what sex with another man would be like. At the end of the day, we’re all only humans.”

Silence falls on them. Lucas purses his lips contemplatively, his bottom lips slightly jutting out as he nods his head in agreement.

He can’t really disagree with that.

“Mmhh. Yeeaah. I see your point…”, Yann agrees, a hand on his chin as he strokes it pensively before adopting an utterly stupid, dopey grin, “but I think I’m too straight for that.”

He is now showing an idiotic, dreamy smile and –

_Ugh._

Lucas is pretty convinced that he never wants to know what kind of images Yann is seeing in his mind or even what exactly, he is thinking about this exact moment.

He is too invested into men's... attributes, to think about these kind of things like that, thank you very much.

Surprisingly, Basile’s face is far from looking as dreamy as Lucas was expecting it to be, thinking his other friend too, would have been sharing Yann’s type of daydreaming. Instead, a pensive look is written all over on his face. It quickly transforms to worry, though. His eyes widen and his eyebrows almost join his hairline as his mouth opens, slightly agape in concern.

”Would it be weird to wonder that while I’m in a relationship with Daphné?”

The three other boys instantly burst into laughter. Lucas ruffles his friend’s hair comfortingly and wiggles his eyebrows as he teases him.

“Don’t worry, we won’t tell her you’re thinking about kissing another boy.”

“Hey! That’s absolutely not what I said!” Basile protests vehemently but he is already calming down and turning to their blond friend, “but I mean, I understand Arthur’s point too. And I mean, you can’t really know until you’ve tried, right? How would you know for sure you dislike kissing a boy if you’ve never tried before? Like Grandpa would say, better not to die silly. Right?”

Lucas chuckles; he is all too amused by his friend’s sudden life crisis and at the same time, he feels a surge of fondness and affection for his friend hit him – for how simple and natural he makes this whole thing sound.

If only more people could think like him – and Grandpa, Lucas guesses – the world would be a better place.

He undoubtedly wishes that, a few years ago, he himself could have approached the whole topic the same way Basile so spontaneously and innocently just did.

“Basile, if you’re about to ask us to kiss you so you know how it feels, I prefer to warn you –"

“You would? What? Aren’t you curious?” Basile cuts him off, looking more and more seriously invested in the conversation, “I mean, you’ve only ever kissed Eliott!”

“And Sarah, and Chloé. And I’m pretty sure Eva in third grade counts too.”

Basile’s chin deeps slightly as he looks at him with unimpressed eyes.

“Yeah. And kissing them confirmed that girls were definitely not your thing. You never wondered what it’s like to kiss or have sex with another guy, though?”

Lucas frowns and opens his mouth to answer but no words seem to come out. He hadn’t expected the game to take a turn in this direction and – really, why does this topic seem to keep recurring recently?

After the conversation he’d had with Eliott during their ice-cream date, his lover had made a few more slight allusions to the topic again. Nothing too big to be alarming and subtle enough, that Lucas wouldn’t have noticed them, had they not had this discussion before.

So first Eliott, and now Basile. Lucas doesn’t have time to think much more about it though, as Yann interrupts his trail of thoughts.

“And you, Bas? You never wondered what it would be like to have sex with another girl that isn't Daphné?”

Lucas can admit it is a nice try on his best friend’s side to try and save him from answering; Basile isn’t so easily deterred or hampered, though.

“Of course, I did! That’s why I’m asking. It doesn’t mean I don’t love her or I will act on these thoughts. I just wonder. Is it that weird?”

Basile looks at them incredulously and Lucas decides that this conversation is getting too serious for the pleasant drunken state he is feeling, so he makes a not-well-thought attempt to try and bring it back to a lighter tone.

“Nah, never wondered. I mean, I’m pretty in love and quite… satisfied, if you really wanna know,” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, hoping this will make Basile uncomfortable enough that he will drop the topic.

Had Lucas been less drunk, maybe he would have remembered that nothing stops curious, naive Basile.

If anything, it encourages him. Especially if he is tipsy.

“You are?” This seems to spark to life a new thought in his mind, “Lulu, now that you bring that up – I’ve always wondered. How do you decide who’s the girl?”

Lucas immediately regrets taking a sip of his beer – he chokes on it and effectively spills some on his shirt, which only makes Arthur and Yann snickers harder at him for getting caught up in his own game so easily.

_Traitors._

Arthur slightly rises back up in his esteem when he gently elbows Basile in the side with the remaining of an amused smile.

“Real smooth, Bas.”

“What? It’s a real, genuine question!”

“You know,” Lucas starts as he wipes the beer from his chin, “nowadays, we have something called Google, which is easily accessible and filled with a lot of information for curious boys like you.”

“OK, yes, that’s true,” said boy concedes, raising his hands in front of him, “but for a start, I’ve learned not to believe everything that is said on the Internet. And second, what’s the point of having my very own, gay best friend, if he can’t tell me all about what the real, typical gay life is like?”

Lucas suddenly wonders how the conversation kept jumping from one thing to another to finally reach that point, without him being able to stop it.

He never considered himself having the real typical gay life; he is even pretty sure that ‘the typical gay life’ doesn’t exist, anyways.

Yann and Arthur seem to be back at being busy cackling their drunken ass off, while Basile still bears this genuine, almost innocent, curious look, all eager to learn about gay sex.

Put it on the beers and the weed he had earlier, or even on the cheer of the night – but Lucas decides to humor his friend.

“There’s no set roles, Bas,” he shrugs,” everyone has their own preferences.”

He hopes Basile will be satisfied enough with this answer but even based on tonight only; when did that really happen?

_Yup._

That’s right – it didn’t.

“And what’s your preference, Lulu?”

Lucas blushes but will remorselessly put this reaction of his treacherous body on the alcohol if it is brought up to the discussion. Even if he doesn’t feel any shame with talking about his sexuality, he is however not used to talk _intimate_ , intimate matters such as ' _who is the girl',_ as Basile so innocently put it.

At this point, though, everyone still seems pretty drunk, so he decides to once again, simply shrug and answer.

”I guess that in your terms, that’d make me the girl.”

He quickly takes another sip so he can hide his burning cheeks behind his bottle.

_God. Why did I even answer to that._

“You never tried the other way around?”

This is Arthur asking this time. He is no longer laughing and there is no mocking in his voice, just simple, genuine curiosity.

_Fuck it_ , Lucas thinks.

After all he’s already revealed tonight, he might as well answer that too.

“Well, it’s not really Eliott’s thing so…”

He leaves it at that though, which to his relief, seems to be enough.

Yann nods understandingly and the two other boys hums, seemingly satisfied with his answer and probably not wanting to snoop too much about his sex life.

As if summoned, this is the moment they hear the front door open and keys jingle, and it’s only a few seconds until Eliott is appearing – _bouncing,_ really – into the room.

Lucas briefly wonders how late it is – he didn’t realize time had passed so fast: Eliott rarely comes back from these parties before 2am.

A quick glance at his phone while his boyfriend is happily greeting the guys, eyes all crinkling and grinning when he realizes thanks to their overly exited and enthusiastic loud greetings that they are all pretty drunk, confirms that it is already 2:39am.

The older boy finally makes his way to the couch and leans over the back of it to drape his arms around Lucas’ neck so he can press a kiss to the top of his head. Lucas smiles happily and tilts his head back, closing his eyes: asking silently for another kiss.

Preferably on his lips this time.

The other three boys whistle and Eliott chuckles at their antics, obliging nonetheless and bending down to kiss his lover’s lips sweetly.

He tastes like cigarette, Lucas notices. He smells like it too; the cigarette scent mixing up with the unmistakable one of fire smoke. And wood. And paint and cologne – and Lucas feels completely bewitched by it, suddenly wishing he could drag Eliott to their bedroom this instant and tuck his face in the crook of his neck, snuggling deeper and deeper into his embrace until he can drown in his lover’s scent and forget all about everything that isn’t purely _Eliott_.

“How’s your night going, guys?” 

Lucas is still grinning stupidely and too much under the spell of his boyfriend’s charms to have time to reply. Basile takes the opportunity strike again.

“We were just realising how our Lulu was a shy virgin before he met you.”

Lucas is pretty sure this is _not_ what they were saying, _at all._

Since when his words, ‘ _pretty in love and quite satisfied’_ and ‘ _that’d made me the girl’_ became, ‘ _shy virgin’_?

Lucas feels Eliott’s arms tense slightly around his shoulder but his still tipsy mind quickly forgets about it when he hears his boyfriend laugh against his hair.

There is no other sound in the world he loves better that Eliott’s laugh.

To Lucas’ greatest relief, the conversation finally goes into a new direction and after twenty more minutes, Basile and Yann decide to finally call it a night and they both order a Uber home.

Arthur, who is still currently crashing on the couch, helps Lucas clear the biggest of their mess while Eliott has already gone in the bathroom to have a shower and get ready for sleep.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” his blond friend says as he and Lucas are now unfolding the couch. Lucas doesn’t reply just yet but lifts questioning eyes on him. “I didn’t realize that, by admitting I had thought about being with a man, Basile would become so nosy about your own sex life.”

Lucas smiles; although he is touched by his friend concerns, he also thinks he has no reason to apologise so he quickly reassures him.

“Don’t worry about that. You guys are my best friends. I wouldn’t have said anything if I hadn’t been comfortable or hadn’t trusted you with these details. Though, I have to admit that being drunk helped with disclosing the more intimate stuff.”

They chuckle and talk some more but it isn't long before Lucas is patting Arthur’s shoulder and wishing him a good night.

Eliott is already in bed when he enters their bedroom; the older man puts his phone away and opens his arms widely when Lucas climbs in next to him after having removed his clothes. The younger man cuddles up against his lover’s naked chest, stifling a yawn as he burrows his face in his neck like he’s been dreaming of doing since the moment Eliott came back.

The smell of smoke is barely noticeable now, and instead, Lucas can distinguish his full natural smell more distinctly, intricately laced with the smell of his shampoo.

Lucas inhales deeply and sighs blissfully when Eliott starts running his fingers through his hair, his nails lightly scratching at his scalp.

“Does it not bother you?”

The soothing patterns on Lucas’ scalp halt after a couple of minutes and instead of answering, the younger boy automatically lets out a disapproving, little whine.

Eliott giggles quietly and starts the motion again.

“What do you mean?” Lucas mouths against the older’s skin when he is satisfied again, not bothering with opening his eyes.

The alcohol in his system is not as present as it first was when Eliott came back home, but his eyelids are heavy and he can feel that he is quickly getting on the verge of falling asleep.

“To have this kind of conversation with your friends? To admit you have no sexual experience?”

Lucas’ sleepy brain doesn’t register Eliott’s worried tone, which is why he only smirks as he lets his fingers splay across his boyfriend’s stomach, his hand dangerously sliding down low enough that he is able to cup his lover’s parts.

“Lucas – ”

Too busy mouthing at the other’s neck and slowly starting to wake up again as he lazily caresses Eliott through the fabric of his boxers, the younger man doesn’t really notice his boyfriend weak attempts at talking.

Eliott tries to move and say something again, but gives up with a happy sigh when Lucas slides his hand under his boxer shorts. He takes his boyfriend’s rapidly filling member in his hand and it isn’t long until Eliott’s breathing becomes ragged and irregular.

As his lover starts melting under his touch, Lucas opens his eyes and leans back on his elbows, admiring the look of pleasure coloring Eliott’s face with a pretty pinkish hue.

Lucas’ naughty smile grows even wider when a moan escapes his boyfriend’s mouth, his eye shutting tightly with the intensity of what he is feeling.

“I think I have plenty of experience,” Lucas whispers seductively to his ear.

Now completely awake, he disappears under the blanket, swiftly lowering Eliott’s underwear’s, ready to ravish him.

“What I meant is – _ah!_ ” He gasps.

Fully pliant and willing under Lucas’ ministrations, Eliott’s hands fly to the younger’s head, fingers closing tightly on the strands of silky hair and back arching erotically when plump lips close, warm and tight around him.

Eliott’s moan gets deeper and louder when Lucas pulls out so he can run the flat of his tongue all the way along the veins and then up to tease the sensitive nerve endings spread under the crown of his cock.

“You’ve definitely mastered some skills here,” he all but exhales, having visibly forgotten about what he was previously trying to say.

Lucas doesn’t reply – instead, he takes him fully into his mouth once again, cupping his balls and increasing the rhythm, elated by the small, pleasured gasps and moans escaping his lover’s lips.

He is taken by surprise when he is abruptly pulled up and pushed back into the mattress, Eliott hovering on top of him for a second only, before crashing down on him, urgently capturing his lips in a feverish open mouthed kiss.

Lucas lets himself get lost in the moment, tongue dancing along Eliott's one and abandoning all control of his body to his partner's desires.

From then on, all he knows is hot skin against his, hungry mouth devouring his lips, neck and collarbone. Skilful hands and deft fingers caressing the most sensitive and intimate parts of his body with a burning sense of urgency and a raw, consuming passion.

Too lost in the fever of the moment, Lucas doesn’t notice when Eliott grabs the lube and he starts slightly when he feels a wet, cold finger teasing at his entrance. 

He gasps but relaxes instantly, the familiarity of the contact making his breath shudder and his skin buzz with anticipation, his legs falling open even wider to accommodate his boyfriend snugly between them. His eyes roll in the back of his head when Eliott starts fingering him and his body instinctively pushes up when waves of pleasure have his toes curling and his mouth babbling nonsense without his permission, begging Eliott to go faster, deeper; the fire in his lower belly growing stronger each passing minute.

Eliott lips are still attached to his, licking hungrily into his mouth, into his soul, when he sinks into Lucas. The younger’s sigh of relief gets immediately swallowed by his boyfriend’s mouth.

Lucas feels hot and full and – _complete_. Like nothing else around them exists.

He arches his back and his neck, hoping for Eliott to bite it as his lover keeps pushing deeper into him. He closes his legs tightly around the other’s waist, muscles trembling with pleasure and glistening in sweat.

They move together in a intense, perfect tandem for what feels like hours, days, an eternity.

The shadows, only witness to their passionate lovemaking, lick at the walls in a transcendental, fiery dance as their whispers and moans interlace intimately, swirling in the air in the the most beautifully melody; the slight breeze coming fom the open window transporting their brazen lullaby into the Parisian night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you, too, feel the storm coming?
> 
> This whole story was inspired by one scene in particular from season 3. I’m really curious if you can already guess which one I’m referring to. This scene has also inspired me a few other shorter stories that'll probably post once I'm not so invested in this universe. 
> 
> Heads-up: some new important tags will be added next chapter. Things are about to get really – really, dark for Lucas. 
> 
> I know it sounds really vague, but I don't want to spoil the story too much for the moment. I'm not exactly sure how to do if there is anything you don't want to read/can't read. If there are any topics in particular you don't feel comfortable with, please let me know so I can think about writing a little summary or something, if said topics are going to be mentioned in the next chapters. I'm also open to any other ideas you might have.


	6. Feeling The Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the end; or when Lucas starts hurting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the beginning of the heartache, which also means, new tags!
> 
> /TW/: Implied cheating. Alcohol and drug use. Explicit sexual content (completely consensual). 
> 
> This whole chapter might be difficult to read - as much as I love fluff… I also love writing angst and pain. So here we go, 6K + words of it. (Listening to Introspective by Laake, while writing – the music when in S#5 Arthur rocks up drunk and uninvited at the Asso party – certainly helped setting the mood.)
> 
> Like it was quite smartly suggested in the comments, if you think this is going to be too much: you might want to wait until a few more chapters are posted to read, just so you can rush through the pain until it becomes better. If you still want to know what happened while you're waiting, feel free to request a little summary in the comments and I’ll reply with one there :)

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**July 2020 – Paris**

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**.**

**.**

The beginning of the end peeks out the tip of its ugly nose a week later.

In retrospection, Lucas will understand that the storm did not just hit him out of nowhere; that it had been the result of a few elements clouding up above their relationship for a few weeks now, without him even noticing how threatening and dark the sky had become.

Lucas is alone in the flat tonight; Arthur has moved out with his mum into their new apartment two days ago and Eliott is out, somewhere unknown again.

When his boyfriend goes to an urbex session, Lucas is often tempted to ask Eliott to give him the address of the event. The only reason he wants the location is so he can have an idea on where to look first, were something to happen. As much as he trusts his boyfriend to look after himself, Lucas is also worried about the safety of some of the places and building they go to. In his worst nightmares, Lucas imagines old, derelict buildings falling down and trapping his lover behind impenetrable walls of concrete. He knows he is being paranoid. But still.

But Lucas doesn’t want his boyfriend to think he is trying to control him so he just accepts to stay ignorant, even if it hurts a little to worry sometimes. Not that he would admit that out loud.

Besides, Eliott had recently been acting a little off. So tonight even more than usual, Lucas hadn’t wanted to give him any reason to doubt his motivations.

He had indeed been saying weird things, often out of the blue, questioning random stuff. Sometimes distant and secretive with Lucas, and other times really clingy and adoring.

Almost like he wasn’t able to make up his mind on how to act around Lucas anymore.

And see, Lucas definitely doesn’t want to go along this line of thought, but he sometimes can’t help but wonder if this has anything to do with Eliott’s bipolarity – and by that, he really doesn’t mean that he is suspecting Eliott to be having an episode – no, only that since his last depressive episode, which had been a couple of weeks before their June ice-cream date, this kind of behavior had been more frequent.

Lucas isn’t sure if he is imagining things or not and figures that at some point, he’ll have to find a good time to question Eliott about it, when they will both be in the right state of mind to have this kind of conversation.

It is close to 1:15am when Lucas hears the front door open. He smiles; it isn’t as late as it is when Eliott normally comes back and this means they will probably be able to cuddle a little before being so tired that they can't stay awake.

Eliott walks in the living room and stops dead in his tracks when he sees Lucas on the couch.

“Hey love,” the younger man says, voice slightly raspy with sleep and disuse, mostly due to staying silent for the past few hours.

He turns the TV off and stands up from where he was cocooned on the couch, watching some dumb show on the TV. He walks up to his boyfriend with the intention of greeting him with a kiss on the lips.

But it doesn’t happen this way.

Lucas places his hands on the taller boy’s waist and leans up – but Eliott turns his head at the last second and Lucas’ lips collide with the taller boy’s cold cheek.

Surprised, he takes a careful step back, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. And this is only now; now that he looks carefully at Eliott’s form in the dimmed light emanating from the side lamp, that he finally notices his boyfriend’s tense body language.

His shoulders are slightly slumped forward and he is wearing an odd, closed off expression on his face. His lips are pressed tightly together and a thin line caused by his slightly, knitted eyebrows, is visible on his forehead. Lucas also notices that his lover seems particularly fidgety; he is alternating between leaning his weight from one foot to another, and his right hand seems to keep fighting the urge to reach for his lips.

“You’re still awake.”

Lucas isn’t sure if this is supposed to sound like a question or an affirmation.

He answers anyway.

“Yeah,” he murmurs with the beginning of a sweet smile - he just can't help it. “I wanted to wait for you.”

Lucas’ lips drop back down when Eliott doesn’t return the smile and instead, looks to the side in what seems to be a weak attempt at avoiding his lover’s eyes.

“Eliott? What’s going on?”

Lucas' voice doesn’t sound as composed and confident as he wishes it would, and the anxious flutters in his belly only increase when his boyfriend takes a step back, instigating further distance between them.

“Lucas, we need to talk.” Eliott says quietly, still not looking at him.

This is definitely not how he was hoping the night to evolve, but if Eliott feels the need to talk now, then…this is fine. Lucas tries to ignore the icy shiver running down his spine and makes an effort to remain composed and keep the dread at bay.

“OK, uhm – maybe we should… do you want to seat on the couch first?”

“No, I… no.”

“OK. Sure. As you prefer. Standing’s fine too, as long as you’re comfortable and –“

“Lucas, stop that.”

Lucas looks back up surprisingly at his boyfriend’s face. Something seems to shift in Eliott’s gaze – what was an almost hesitant look in his beautiful eyes suddenly let place to something harder. Closer to frustration…?

“Stop what?”

“Stop _this_." He wave his arms around. "As long as _I_ am comfortable. Waiting and staying up late for me even though you’re seeing your friends tomorrow morning.”

Lucas frowns.

“It’s not until 11:30am... and I don’t see how me being thoughtful about your comfort is a problem. I only suggested we sit on the couch.”

“It’s nothing to do with sitting on the couch or not,” Eliott retorts, rolling his eyes.

“So was is it then? Eliott, I’m really confused right now – I don’t understand how this is becoming an argument, or even just what the argument is about.”

“The point is, how can you feel fulfilled in your life when you’re constantly adapting it around mine to make sure I’m happy and comfortable? What about your own happiness?”

And, what now? Lucas feels at loss for words.

_What the fuck? How did we get there?_

“I-I’m not adapting my life for you. If I wait at night or want to make sure you’re comfortable or whatever, it’s because it makes _me_ happy.”

“And does it makes you happy, too, when I have an episode and you have to adapt to me and cancel our plans? Like it happened with our house warming party? Or when we can't have sex for a whole week because I'm too depressed?”

Lucas' frown grows even deeper as he takes a deep breath and puts his hands on his sides.

“Why are you trying to convince me I’m not happy with you? I don’t know how many times I have to repeat that I’ve never been as happy as I am since we’ve been together,” he says, and although he started off with an irritated tone, his voice sounds almost pleading now. He wishes Eliott would just accept the truth as it is and stop trying to see problems where there are none.

His mental prayers aren’t answered.

“How can you know this is the happiest you can be when you’ve never had any other relationships?”

Lucas has to fight the urge to huff in irritation. He _will_ stay calm.

“Is it what this is all about, then? You think I can’t know for sure that I love you and want us forever because I’ve never been with anyone else before?”

Eliott sighs and shakes his head sadly, as if not sensing Lucas' distress at all.

“I’m just not sure this relationship is the best thing for you… maybe we should – maybe we should take a break for a while... so you can go out and meet some more people and compare and – ”

Eliott might as well have punched him, as Lucas next feels like the air has being violently knocked out of his lungs.

“Compare?! What the - _No_! Just...no. What the fuck do I need to tell you, so you believe me when I say that I love you and do not need to meet other people to know I do!”

Lucas knows his eyes must be starting to express all the panic slowly building up inside of him, but Eliott isn’t looking at him at all anymore.

“We can’t keep going like that. You need to see other people, meet other men, get more experience and realise what you might be missing out on, ” he keeps on rambling, blind to Lucas' anguish.

“Eliott, please. Listen to me. I don't want to be with other men to get whatever kind of experience you think I need. I don’t need to. I don’t want to. Is it so hard to believe that I only want you?”

“But how can you know, Lucas?” Eliott almost screams in obvious frustration. “How do you know fore sure that I’m it for you, if you never had anyone else? How do you know you can’t be even happier than that? That there isn’t someone else out there that might be able to give you all you need without any downsides!”

Lucas feels like he doesn’t have the strength to argue anymore. He doesn’t know what to say so instead, maybe he can show Eliott. With physical proofs of love. So he takes a step forward, his right hand reaching out with the intention to cup his distressed lover’s cheek.

He is actually surprised when Eliott let him do so, and when he even seems to be seeking more of the contact.

“ What’s going on, my love,” he whispers, as it talking to a scared, wild animal about to run off, eyes burning with unshed tears of pain and incomprehension, “I don’t need to be with anyone else. Whatever it is that is making you doubt, we can fix it. Let's get into bed and we can cuddle and talk about it."

There is a few seconds of silence where Lucas is holding his breath and as Eliott looks up into his eyes, Lucas starts believing his boyfriend is going to give in, that he is going to hug him and they are going to slip into bed and into the warmth and reassurance of each other's arms.

But...

“No, Lucas”, Eliott chokes and he turn his head away and Lucas immediately misses the reassuring warmth of the contact in his palm, “we can’t fix this. We can’t keep doing that.”

Lucas feels his eyes burning a little more intensely. This can't be happening. He opens his mouths but no sounds comes out of it.

“It’s over Lucas. I’m sorry.”

The younger man face scrunches up in pain, lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed as he focuses not to cry. He swallows with some difficulty.

“I won’t let you do that to us,” he articulate slowly, jaw clenched.

Silence falls around them. Eliott keeps his head down for a few seconds and when he looks up again, something uncanny is coloring his eyes. Some kind of cold, intense determination.

“You will.”

His eyes have harden in a way that makes Lucas tremble.

Eliott has never looked at him with such a cold, hard look...

“I met someone. I’m in love with them.”

And at this – Lucas’ world stop turning on its axis. A million thoughts fight for dominance in his mind and he quickly feels overwhelmed and like he is suffocating.

Has it all only been about this since the beginning?

Was Eliott only trying to find an excuse to get rid of him all this time?

All the trust and love he’s always poured into Eliott... Has the older man really been taking advantage of him, of his kindness and... inexperience and - suddenly everything makes sense.

Because it has to be that, right?

This is why Eliott had recently been so obsessed with Lucas meeting other guys and getting more experience.

Because Eliott had himself found someone else.

The cosmic sadness that just hit him with the violence and destruction of a meteor crashing on earth, suddenly let place to fire and anger. He absolutely can’t control himself when he pushes at Eliott chest, angry tears starting to leak out of his eyes without his consent.

“So this is why!”, he wails despite himself and Eliott looks back up at him with startled eyes as he stumbles backwards. ”This is why you’ve been insisting on me considering other men! Because you felt guilty! You felt guilty because you have someone else!”

Eliott quickly recovers from his surprise and nods, his face as blank as a new canvas; devoid of colors and emotions. A new canvas for a new lover.

“Yes. I’m not in love with you anymore."

This time, his world doesn't just stop. This time, it is Lucas’ entire universe that collapses.

There is a difference between supposing it and hearing the confirmation out loud, especially so coldly.

So emotionless. Like all the love and memories that were tying them together disappeared from Eliott’s mind. Absorbed and consumed by a black hole.

No longer existing in any time or place.

Dematerialized.

And just like that - anger evaporates from Lucas as fast as it appeared. Everything starts fading.

_How long has this been going on?_

Everything is going away.

Probably like every good things always ever did in Lucas’ life.

As if on cue, his surroundings are the next thing to dissipate, along with every feelings and thoughts animating his body and brain. It all swirls into a loud deafening buzz until there is nothing left.

Only emptiness.

All he knows how to do, all he can do, is stare blankly at the ground.

He barely notices it when Eliott’s feet step closer to him. It’s only by instinct that he looks up, seeing in time as the other being's hand reaches for his face, as if to stroke his cheek - before it catches itself and drops back along its owner’s body.

“I’m sorry, Lucas.”

Then there is silence.

And the next thing he knows, he is alone in the flat – alone in the eerie silence that often comes after the most bloody and devastating battles, after the most ravaging natural disasters.

He feels empty. He glances at the empty space around him and… he feels nothing.

Is it even physically possible to feel something, _anything_ , when your heart has been ripped out of your chest?

Judging by what he is currently going through, Lucas guesses the answer is no.

This must be a bad dream, then, because it’s not humanly possible to live without a beating heart inside his chest.

He probably fell asleep on the couch in a funny position. It has to be.

That’s it.

There is no other explanations needed. This is a dream. He is going to wake up on the couch when Eliott comes back from his latest urbex party and everything will be okay.

Lucas will be awake then, and he will start to feel things again.

Then, he’ll have a shower and it will finish to wash away his bad dream and the memory of the numbness that invaded his brain.

Maybe if he goes to sleep in his dream, he will wake up in real life?

This doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

So this is what Lucas does, he numbly walks to their bed and lies down under the cover, cocooning himself in the blankets and their mixed scent.

_This is only a dream. I need to wake up._

.

.

.

When the warm sun rays filtering through the windows wakes him up the next day, the empty space next to him is in contrast, pretty cold.

Cold like the icy grip freezing his heart and brain.

Lucas drowsily deducts that, he is probably still dreaming then. It just didn’t work; he hasn’t woken up in real life just yet.

He will wake up soon and Eliott will be back.

With this in mind, he closes his eyes and lets himself slip back into a restless sleep.

.

.

.

When he wakes up again, a few hours later, this is to his phone vibrating stubbornly on the bedside table.

He jolts awake and sits down, only to notice that the space on the bed next to him is still empty.

Because he isn’t sure what to do next, Lucas takes his phone to check the time – it shows 4:32pm.

A few notifications are starting to pile up on the screen, and most noticeably, 10 messages from the Gang group chat – he distantly remembers that they had agreed to meet at 11:30am to have lunch together and then spend the afternoon in the park.

It doesn’t matter. Why would it? He’s still in his dream after all.

The next notifications are missed calls from Yann but also Arthur, Basile and Imane.

Nothing from Eliott.

It’s OK though, Lucas thinks – dream or not, Eliott is probably still out. He will come back; he always does.

Lucille once told him Eliott would always come back.

Lucas doesn’t stop on the unsettling thought that, Eliott never came back to Lucille.

The brunet puts his phone back on the nightstand without answering any of his texts – since his friends won’t actually get his answers for _real_ , there’s no point, really – and he heads to the shower.

Once naked and under the shower head, he turns the water to the coldest setting and sits down on the tiles.

Maybe that will help him with waking up from this weird nightmare. This weird, void kind of place, that stops him from experiencing any kind of feelings.

It’s almost as if a wall has been built between his emotions and his brain.

_Dreams are weird,_ he concludes.

Lucas isn’t sure how many minutes he’s spent sitting under the water when his lips start turning blue and the wetness on his cheeks transforms into an uncomfortable prickling sensation.

It’s only the water coming out from the shower head, though.

It is not tears – why would he be crying?

When his body starts trembling too much to be comfortable, he decides to get out of the shower. He dries himself up mechanically; muscle memory ordering his brain to lift one leg after the other, first into his boxers and then into his sweatpants and a hoodie. He stands up and wonders what to do for a few seconds before remembering that he hasn’t eaten anything since dinner last night.

His feet guide him to the kitchen and he spares a few seconds to glance at his smiling happy-self biting his lip, immortalized on a photo pinned to the fridge.

They were at the park: Eliott has his arms thrown around his shoulders and he’s draped over Lucas’ back, leaning on the side just enough to kiss his cheek.

Eliott had literally harassed Yann until the moment his phone had finally chirped with a new text including the photo. He’d been so excited and happy to have it printed so they could look at it every day. Lucas had only smiled fondly, not admitting how warm it was making him feel inside to see his boyfriend like this.

Lucas averts his eyes and opens the fridge.

He scans the inside but nothing really catches his attention and he realizes he’s simply not hungry. The door still open, his eyes drifts to the counter and this is when his eyes take sight of a bottle that has been there since last week, when the Gang had had their last game night.

Vodka.

Since he isn’t waking up, he might as well have some fun. Besides, maybe this will help him feel something. He grabs the half full bottle and takes a sip straight from it, not bothering with a glass or diluent.

The young brunet welcomes the burn flaring down his throat and then warming up his belly as a relief.

It reassures him to finally _feel_ something.

To feel the _burn_.

This is more like it, now.

But, does that mean he is still dreaming, then? Because, it kind of goes against what he was thinking: if he is able to feel the alcohol burning his throat, then this must mean that he is not dreaming.

Lucas suddenly feels the urge to check the veracity of his theory – so he downs another generous sip and the heat that immediately spreads through his throat and stomach doesn’t disappoint.

…Or does it?

His mind is still quite blank and slow and he decides to focus on that and nothing else for the moment.

Besides, he figures that if he’s not dreaming, then he might as well indulge in the only one thing he found that can make him feel like he is alive – seeing as his emotions are still missing.

He takes a few more sips, walking leisurely and without any define goals toward the living room.

At some point, his eyes find the clock hanging innocently on the wall.

6pm.

This also when he hears a noise resounding through the whole flat. He turns his head toward the entrance. Someone is knocking at the door.

Lucas hesitates on what his next move should be. Maybe Eliott forgot his keys? But then a voice accompanies the next knock.

Yann.

Lucas closes his eyes and he lets his head fall back on the backrest, tilting it back some more when he raises the hand still holding the bottle by its neck – the burning liquid cascades down his throat and he swallows like a thirsty man after a walk through the desert.

He doesn’t want to see sweet, caring Yann. Doesn’t want to see anyone. Doesn’t want to have to listen to them talk.

What if they try to tell him that Eliott isn’t coming back?

He is better off left alone; where he can live in sweet ignorance.

So he doesn’t move and stays silent. Some more minutes pass and after a few more insisting knocks and calls through the door and on his phone, the usual street and building noises are back. The neighbor’s dog from the 4th floor barks. The little girl’s piano from the floor just underneath them releases a distant, imperfectly perfect melody. The newborn from the building across the street starts crying.

Almost everything seems to be back to normal.

Lucas burrows himself deeper into the couch, the bottle still tightly in his grip.

His phone buzzes on the table.

_Incoming call from Manon_

Lucas ignores it.

If Manon is calling him from Barcelona where she joined her parent for a few days only, this must be serious. He doesn’t want to hear what she has to say. He doesn’t pick up; she will understand.

_Let’s not talk about it._

Once his phone stops ringing, he grabs it and opens YouTube to play a random playlist he finds after typing “dubstep”. He connects the phone to the speaker and once the music is blaring loudly through the whole flat, he lets himself fall back on the couch.

When the nearest church bells ring eight times, indicating it is now 8pm, Lucas relocates from the couch to his bed on wobbly legs. His eyesight is slightly blurred and his head spinning, the bottle’s neck is still tightly held between his fingers. He doesn't bother with turning the music off.

_It’s OK,_ he thinks and convinces himself that the next time he wakes up, everything will be back to normal.

.

.

.

Next time Lucas wakes up, though, his head is pounding and he feels the bile rising to his mouth. He stands up in a rush and in a few seconds only, he is heaving in the toilet, still partially drunk.

When he comes back to the bedroom he blankly notices it again – the bed is empty.

Lucas goes to the living room next, where he abandoned his phone still playing music the night before. No battery.

His movement a bit uncoordinated, he grabs the charger still plugged into the wall and connects it to his phone.

When the device comes back to life he first notices that it is 1pm and secondly that he has apparently received a few more panicked messages, some voice mails and missed calls.

Still nothing from Eliott.

His friends however, seem worried for him.

Why would they be worried?

After all, judging by his lack of communication with him, Eliott isn’t worried… so why should his friends be?

Lucas distantly thinks he should feel some kind of affection for them, his sweet friends that are caring for him enough that they would take the time to worry.

But he doesn’t. After all, wouldn’t feeling emotions also be acknowledging that something is not right?

When Lucas goes to the shower again, he opts for a scorching one this time. After a few moments, and as the water pours down on him and puffs of shower steam fills the tiny room, effectively fogging up the mirror, he notices that his face starts tingling like the day before

It must be the water. What else could it be.

The shower helps him feel physically better and he feels the effects of the hangover slowly starting to drift away.

This will not work, he decides. He actually quite liked the way the vodka burnt his insides.

After drying up, he goes in the kitchen wearing only a pair of boxers. There’s some pasta leftover and he tries to get some down, but it doesn’t feel satisfying enough so he chooses to take the rest of the whiskey he finds in a cupboard to accompany his meal. He finishes the pasta; his body knowing it needs some sustenance to keep the alcohol inside his stomach.

This is much better.

He is starting to love the soothing burn that comes with the bitter taste of alcohol.

When 11pm comes, Lucas’ meager alcohol stash is empty and he is nowhere drunk enough in his opinion.

He knows he will need to go buy more soon if he wants to get through the night. He needs the burn. He needs it to keep his thoughts at bay and at the same time, needs it as reminder that he is still alive. He needs it to prove that he can still feel something pleasant.

Lucas reaches toward the table to abandon the now empty whiskey bottle on it, but his slightly inhibited limbs betray him and he misses the surface from a few inches. The inevitable happens then. The bottles falls down as in slow motion, and shatters on the ground in a deafening, piercing noise, dozens of sharp little pieces of glass flying thought the room. The noise cuts its painful way directly through the thick layers wrapped around Lucas’s clouded brain, and he then distantly realizes that it sounds a lot like the noise he tried to ignore, the noise his heart made when Eliott left.

Lucas gasps.

Eliott is in love with someone else.

His lover left him for someone better.

Lucas’ hand clutches at his chest, just above where his heart is supposed to be, and he suddenly has to hold himself onto the table to stay upright.

He feels out of breath.

The clouds that were keeping his mind fuzzy the past hours are blown away by a powerful wind of pain, and he his hit like a tornado in full speed by anger and incomprehension and so much more and – no.

This will definitely not work.

Lucas needs the burn more than ever. The burn he knows he can control.

The burn is nice and soothing and overwhelming in all the nicest ways. It is liberating. It is not suffocating and scary like the numbness, and now like the anger and pain that have taken possession of his entire being when thinking about his boyfr – about Eliott.

He can feel himself seething with white rage, his body almost trembling with it, rumbling low in his belly and this is when he decides to move.

He is definitely tipsy thanks to the whiskey he just finished, but this is not enough. It doesn’t burn enough. _He needs more_.

Lucas tries not to think too much as he goes to his bedroom in a rush. He puts on some black skinny jeans that hug his ass nicely and a black t-shirt that stretches around his shoulders.

He pockets his now charged phone on his way back to the living room and snatches his wallet and house keys from the counter. He is ready to get out of his apartment for the first time in 48 hours.

As soon as the door closes behind him, Lucas can’t help but feel like he is closing the door on something bigger than just their flat.

Another thought he needs to burn.

As soon as he is outside, Lucas feels like he has slipped into a weird trance: a mix of barely repressed anger and determination, along with some desperation and alcohol, and need for something to burn it all away.

The burn he was previously seeking to remind himself he was alive despite his missing emotions is still something he wants, but this time, he also needs it to replace all the painful thoughts swirling into his mind. How fucking ironic. Is this what it is to fight with fire?

Without really realizing how, the brunet is now wandering through the streets of Paris, toward nowhere in particular; he will know where he wants to go when he sees it. He stumbles along the streets, drunk on blind determination and whiskey.

Even though he is technically walking, Lucas feels like he is running.

The numbness has gone and he is running.

Running so the pain and sadness don’t catch up on him. Running toward relief and oblivion and distraction. Running toward something that erases any disturbing, painful thoughts.

And although Lucas can feel emotions again, he still hasn’t really felt his heartbeat beating in his chest.

He needs to _feel_ something to prove him his heart is still beating. That he is still _alive_. That it hasn’t been ripped out of his chest and trampled on heartlessly.

The streets and houses lights around him are both distant and close at the same time, blurry and too bright; the clamor or the street is like distant buzz, a mix of Saturday night cheery voices and cars honking and music coming out from bars and restaurants.

It all doesn’t matter.

Nothing has to matter anymore except the burn.

He follows the lights. The red, orange, yellow and green flashes.

Lucas finally reaches a bar club and he is still aware enough to recognize the name and remember that this is a gay bar Mika has brought him to a few times.

That’ll do.

The bouncer asking for his ID card barely pays attention to him, too busy discussing with two really shortly dressed young women. Lucas must have looked sober enough because the big muscled man hands him back his ID and nods distractedly for him to enter.

The next thing Lucas knows, he is surrounded by a thick mass of sweating, dancing bodies, with an already almost empty glass of vodka in his hand.

The palpable, low frequencies of the music keep vibrating through his chest, traveling briskly along the blood flowing though his veins; the pounding of the bass pulsing though his whole body feeling like the heartbeat he lost and – Lucas relishes in how frenzied and alive it sounds.

His head falls backward as he lets the sweaty and stuffy, hot atmosphere charged with sexual tension basks his body and soul in a pleasant state of trance.

He has fully abandoned himself to the music and alcohol when he feels two strong hands settle on his waist from behind him. Lucas’ unconscious, first instinct is to flinch under the foreign touch – the foreign pressure against his skin, the foreign hands’ size – and he almost turn to push the other away, but then he remembers.

Eliott doesn’t want him anymore.

Someone else was better than him. Probably smarter. Prettier.

As Lucas still hasn't moved away in protest, he next feels the alien hands easily drawing him against a solid chest. The brunet closes his eyes and let his head fall on the stranger’s shoulder.

He has no one to be loyal to anymore.

He’s been left alone. Abandoned.

_Again._

It’s always the same, no one really ever wants him and end up getting tired of him.

Except maybe… this warm, sexy body dancing closely with him. If the bump he can feel growing quickly against his ass is anything to go by, this stranger isn’t tired of him yet. Following this thought, Lucas shamelessly starts grinding back against the stranger, who he hears humming approvingly against his ear as steady fingers dig into his hip while a hand is sneaking up his torso.

Out of all the attractive men on the dance floor, this stranger chose to dance with him.

He wants _him._

Lucas.

And Lucas wants to feel wanted. He wants to know someone wants him, even if just for his body.

The guy he has been dancing with – grinding against shamelessly – and who at some point introduced himself as… Alexis (?) offers Lucas a drink, then another, and by the third - is this vodka Tagada (?) – they have changed position and the guy’s now clammy hands are on his ass and he is mouthing wetly along the column of his neck. They are moving hotly together, shameless and unaware of their surrounding, and Lucas welcomes the bliss of forgetfulness happily.

_This is not enough._

As the thought crosses his mind in a rare flash of lucidity some more minutes later, and after they've changed their dancing position again, strong arms are flipping him over. Lucas tilts his head up once he is facing the other man, lips parting in anticipation. When the kiss he had been expecting doesn’t come immediately, he opens his eyes; and this is how Lucas finally notices the pill awaiting innocently next to a piercing on the other’s tongue.

Alix raises his pretty eyebrows in a silent question, almost teasingly. Invitingly.

Lucas has never done any kind of drugs. He’s had weed with the Gang but that’s about it.

He never felt the need to try anything else. Never saw the pull to it.

At this exact moment in space and time, Lucas doesn’t even think about the risk of accepting some stranger’s drug he’s met something like an hour ago.

He still knows what he is doing, but is too far-gone to care.

This is why he fists Alban’s shirt and pull him toward him so their mouth can crash together. They are kissing, all tongue and teeth and saliva and Lucas eagerly accept the pill the other slips into his mouth.

Lucas isn’t sure how long has passed after that, but he slowly feels himself slip into a new kind of trance.

Something even better than with alcohol only.

He feels giddy and invincible at the same time.

He lets himself be groped and gropes back in return. He feels desired and his skin feels like it’s on fire.

Smooth, shaved skin brushes against his cheek at the same time a warm breath rasps against his ear.

“I want you.”

Teeth nibble at his ear before he is being kissed, devoured again.

Lucas doesn’t want _him_. But he wants _it._

The bliss. The adrenaline. The oblivion.

The relief that comes with the burn.

He wants the human contact and warmth. _He needs it._

“Come home with me, beautiful,” Alan asks between two wet kisses and Lucas nods keenly, the trance he’s in erasing all nervousness he’d normally have at the implication.

The other man guides him out of the club with a hand placed against the small of his back and helps him into a cab. They make out under the disapproving eyes of the driver who is occasionally looking at them through the rear mirror, heavy hands grasping and pushing and pulling - and the drive to wherever their destination is, happens in a blur.

Lucas knows this is not who he wants. But he is also aware of his indescribable need to feel wanted and desired and –

This man wants him.

When too short fingers - in contrasts to the longer and more skillful of an artist's ones - are pulling his pants down hastily, and he is then surrounded by calloused hands, Lucas can only groan in pleasure.

_He is wanted._

He doesn’t need to remember it is not the hands he wants; his body and intoxicated, drugged brain want it and it’s enough.

When the wrong person pushes inside of him after he’s barely been prepared, Lucas moans loudly, welcoming the burn of the stretch, the burn reminding him he is wanted. He avidly welcomes the pleasant burn and feeling of being alive washing over him.

Lucas wants to feel every single minute of it, every thrust, every bite against his shoulder, every scratch against his skin.

_He needs it._

.

.

.

When the morning lights hitting his eyelids uncomfortably pull him out of a deep sleep, his head is pounding more violently than it was when he woke up the day before. His throat is parched when he tries to swallow and he winces when it feels like something died inside his mouth.

His eyes are still trying to adapt to the daylight when Lucas shifts on the bed and feels sparks of pain shout everywhere through his body, a little like he’d run a marathon before going to sleep.

When he looks on the side next to him –

The bed is not empty.

He is not alone.

Then he remembers: someone wanted him.

Lucas lifts the blanket and discovers without much surprise that they are both stark naked. As he quickly takes notice of the slightly tanned skin, and strong thighs, flashes from the night before passes in front of his eyes. He lets the blanket fall back down on the bed and as he observes absently the brown hair peeking out from under the sheets, he spots a full condom abandoned on the bedside table opposite him.

He just had a one-night stand for the first time of his life. He hooked up with a guy whose name he can’t even remember. A total stranger.

He was good enough for someone to want him, to desire him.

Lucas had sex – while being drunk and under some kind of drugs influence, that he remembers – with someone that isn’t Eliott, and suddenly it downs on him.

Eliott has left him.

Eliott has left him because he fell in love with someone else.

Eliott is gone and will not be coming back to Lucas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still there, please don’t hate me?
> 
> I know it must have been painful to read and maybe too much (?), but I’m quite fascinated with this beautiful complex thing that is the brain. How, and depending on each individual, it can kinda disconnect itself and withdraw when faced with a shock or a stressful situation. How it can create a specific state of mind to protect itself from the pain. I really wanted to explore that with my probably clumsy words and imagination; to see in what kind of stupor Lucas could be thrown in because of denial and shock, and then see how he would try to come back to the surface and ‘fight’ against it.
> 
> Next Chapter: Lucas will try to come to terms with the break up. Eliott and him will have another talk.


	7. Enjoy Your Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone brings Lucas home. But where exactly is home, now?
> 
> Eliott takes a decision for the both of them. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your feedback on last chapter! Meant so much to read your reactions after such an emotionally difficult chapter. 
> 
> This one is probably less painful to read but it’s only the calm before another storm. If you're waiting for things to be less painful, I'd advise to wait until chapter 9.
> 
> /TW/: Really mild description of a panic attack.

When Lucas next enters his apartment - after having quietly slipped out of the stranger’s place and hoped onto the first bus passing by - everything is still as it was when he left the night before.

He pokes his nose in, almost shyly, unsure of what is waiting for him, and stops in the entrance, the front door still open on the hallway behind him. He nervously scans the living room basked in a soft mid day warm sun light, dust floating weightlessly in the atmosphere.

Eliott’s drawings and various pieces of art are still hanging on the walls and so are a few of Lucas’ sheet music. ‘I love you’ by Riopy is still there, too.

A few concerts tickets. Photos. Post-its.

Memories of a life together. Memories of happiness and love.

Was is all ever true?

At first glance, it looks like nothing happened – like these memories of a life between two human beings, loving each other passionately, didn’t witness the moment Lucas got his heart utterly broken.

But everything has changed, now. Hasn’t it?

Lucas swallows painfully and finally closes the door in a soft click, afraid too much noise might wake up some kind of ugly monsters hiding away, only waiting for his return to torment him.

He slowly removes his shoes, before hesitantly walking in deeper into the apartments. He walks past the couch, past the table and - he hiss. He lifts his foot, then; taking it into his hand to examine it, only to discover that a little piece of glass has embed itself into his heel and through his sock.

Lucas clenches his teeth as he pulls the little but sharp piece of glass out of his skin. It is too small to have caused any major injury – but it still stings.

He drops it on the table and re directs his eyes to the floor to prevent this little accident from happening again. This is then that he notices some bigger pieces and he follows them, until they become bigger, and until they lead him to the biggest part of the broken bottle's body.

He contemplates it blankly for a few seconds before averting his eyes back to the table, realizing that, the empty bottle of vodka still placed on it and the smashed bottle of whisky at his feet, are the only visible and physical proof that something went wrong.

That something in his life has shifted.

Lucas stands still, glancing around the room pensively.

He distractedly realizes that this apartment - the place that had become his refuge and cocoon of love these past months - now ironically reflects what he is: looking normal from the outside while the inside is shattered.

Judging by how everything is still at the same place, Lucas understands that Eliott hasn't been back since the night everything fell apart. He tries to not think too much about it. He tries to stop himself from imagining where Eliott could possibly be right now. Tries not to visualize him in someone else’s arm. Warm and satisfied and happy while Lucas feels so cold and empty and exhausted.

And quite hangover.

After avidly emptying two big glasses of water and swallowing down a painkiller, all on autopilot, Lucas goes in the shower. He doesn’t bother with undressing himself: he steps inside with all his smelly clothes still sticking on to his aching body, and open the water to the strongest pressure. As the water starts pouring down heavily on him, he sits down on the tiles. He catches his reflection in the standing mirror and stares back at the sad, pathetic boy looking at him.

Unfortunately, the bathroom isn’t that big that he can’t see the details of his own face; the deep, black shadows under his eyes, the hollow of his cheeks, the pallor of his skin.

And as he stares intently at his reflection slowly disappearing under the steam eating up at the mirror, Lucas finally acknowledges the tears streaming down his cheeks.

It tingles on his cheeks.

He isn’t even sure when they started streaming down.

Maybe when his eyes caught sight of the Riopy sheet music pinned on the walls - taunting and unaware of how Lucas’ own love melody had abruptly come to a stop, faster than fingers can lift up from a piano keyboard after the most beautiful of songs.

Maybe when flashes of universe-like, deep, bluish eyes staring at him intently, impressed and enraptured in the dimmed light, had flooded his mind along with the memories of weed and paper and warmth and flutters in his belly and -

Or did the tears start when his eyes unconsciously stopped on the drawing of his hedgehog and Eliott’s raccoon cuddling under the bed sheets?

_T’es beau quand tu dors._

Lucas purses his lips and his nose scrunches up in an ugly wince as water keeps pouring down on him, occasional drops catching onto his eyelashes and mixing with warm tears.

He figures that it doesn’t matter; those memories don’t matter. Not anymore.

The love of his life has left him for someone else.

Lucas isn't enough for Eliott.

The self-love and self-confidence Lucas had managed to build after his coming out, suddenly feels really thin and breakable.

What did he do wrong? What did he do that made Eliott stop loving him?

His breathing starts accelerating along with his thoughts, fast and uncoordinated and the clothes clinging to his skin become too tight, too wet, too constricting and all of the sudden - Lucas feels like he is suffocating. A sense of urgency takes control of him and he starts tearing and pulling anxiously until every offending piece of clothing is gone and he is finally left naked.

He can breathe better but this is not enough. There is still something that isn't right.

Lucas feels like his skin is itchy and crawling and... he stands up – he grabs the soap and furiously scrubs at his body and his hair, willing the smell of alcohol, sweat and drug and sex to disappear.

He scrubs and scrubs until his skin is glowing red, until it burns in irritation.

He energetically rinses his body and his hair again and again, quiet whimpers of pain and suffocated sobs escaping from his mouth intermittently, warm tears flowing down the drain along with soap and dirt.

After what feels like some long minutes, his breathing is back to normal and his body finally feels clean. When he sits down again, exhausted and empty, it feels like he's cried all the tears from his body.

Lucas isn’t sure how long he has been sitting under the water, drenched hair now falling in front of his eyes, when he hears the door of the bathroom open.

He doesn’t bother looking up from where he is sitting, arms hooked under his knees and forehead resting on top of them.

Whoever entered the bathroom leans into the shower and above him. The water stops then, and it isn’t too long before a towel falls on his shoulder.

“Lucas.”

This isn’t Eliott’s voice, Lucas realizes. He isn’t sure whether to be disappointed or relieved. He can’t even bring himself to feel self-conscious about his current nakedness.

“Come on, Lucas. Get out of the shower. I’ve left you some clean clothes next to the sink.”

He hears the door close softly after this and then steps can be heard coming from the living room.

It takes the young, broken man, a couple more minutes before he finally brings himself to dry up and slips into the pair of boxers, sweatpants and t-shirt left there for him.

When he finally exits the bathroom, Imane is there, sitting patiently on the leg of the couch and typing away on her phone.

Lucas looks at her expressionlessly, not even trying to understand how she possibly got inside the building without the keys.

He doesn’t have time to think more about it, though; the next thing he knows, Imane is walking toward him and pulling him into a warm embrace. He has barely enough strength to close his own arms loosely around her waist.

“Let’s get you out of here,” she says softly after a few minutes and Lucas nods obediently, grateful that she isn’t saying anything else or asking any questions. “Pack a bag of clothes, you’re going to stay with Mika and Lisa for a while. Manon will be back in a couple of days.”

Too tired to protest or ask any questions, Lucas nods, actually relieved that someone is there to take decisions for him when he is so lost and apparently, incapable of taking any wise decisions by himself.

He tries not to think too much, not to look around the bedroom too much, unwilling to see anything that could hurt him as he is packs some clothes, his charger, his laptop and a few toiletry necessities.

Though, just before he exits the bedroom, he has to fight against the sudden and pathetic urge to run to the bed to grab Eliott’s pillow and burrow his face against it.

But instead, he takes a deep breath and closes the door.

When he joins Imane in the living room, he notices that she has cleared the place a little while he was getting ready. The broken bottle pieces are no longer on the floor. They got swept away and ditched in the rubbish bin, along with the little fragments of heart that fell from inside Lucas' chest.

Although Imane's smile is soft when she sees him, she doesn’t look at him with pity or anything similar to it. Lucas feels immensely grateful for this – he isn’t sure he could handle this kind of look directed on himself.

They don’t say much as they exit the building and start walking together to the bus stop.

“Imane,” Lucas says quietly as they sit on the bench under the bus shelter, eyes fixed on his fingers.

He hasn’t talked since the night before, and his throat feels almost painful when his vocal cords finally get to work together again.

He isn’t exactly sure what he wants to say.

_Thank you? How did you know? Why did you come? Did you see him? Did he say anything about me?_

In the end, he doesn’t have to say anything; she interrupts him before he can settle on the best and less pathetic option.

“I never want to have to see your naked butt again,” she says sternly and when Lucas looks up at her, he can see a teasing smirk on her face.

A small smile stretches on Lucas' lips for the first time in hours.

She is the first person – except the guy from last night, if it even counts – he has talked to since…

Well, the first person Lucas has talked to in a little more than two days, and he really appreciates that she isn't changing her behavior toward him. This would just make things worse. And Lucas knows that she knows. Or else why would she be there? Though, he isn’t sure how and who is also aware of what has happened.

News certainly must have spread fast during these past few days. Especially since he ignored everyone that tried to contact him…

Imane also doesn’t mention the three radio silent days he imposed on everyone. She doesn’t ask any questions about it or why he didn’t reply to anyone and again, he is relieved he doesn’t have to explain himself or where he was.

What he did. And with who.

Lucas is more than aware of what he’s done but he can’t bring himself to regret it.

How could he regret abandoning himself to a stranger for one night, when the person who was supposed to love him didn’t seem to give a shit about fucking someone else while they were still together.

It is true, that those are only suppositions, that Eliott hadn’t clearly said this - but judging on how long ago he had started acting weird, Lucas wouldn’t be surprised if he did, cheat on him.

Didn’t he cheat on Lucille with him in the first place? It’s not something Eliott is unfamiliar with, after all.

All this time, Lucas had believed he was it for Eliott, too. That they were happy and in love, that nothing would ever break them apart. That Eliott was his forever. That they were meant to be.

Besides, isn’t it what Eliott wanted, anyway? For him to have more _experience_?

Lucas is seriously starting to think he'd been an idiot to believe Eliott’s doubts were born out of selflessness; to believe Lucas’ best interest had been all he had in mind. All along, Eliott had probably been looking for an excuse to break up with him.

How fucking pathetic and what a fucking coward he had been to try and make it sounds like he was doing this for Lucas.

“Idriss gave me the key,” Imane’s voice raises above the silence, as if she could read his mind and see the dark path his thoughts have started to wander on.

If Idriss got the key to their flat, it means Eli – _he_ gave it to him.

Idriss probably thought Imane was better suited than him to visit. Or maybe Idriss just couldn’t be bothered seeing his sorry ass. He was Eliott’s best friend before being Lucas’ friend, after all.

After another silence, Lucas gathers the courage to ask the question burning on the tip of his tongue.

“Who else knows?”

They stand up as the bus finally approaches and Imane doesn’t reply immediately. It’s only once they are sitting next to each other and the bus is back on the road, that she starts answering him.

“Idriss and Sofiane. Manon and Mika. I’m sorry about this, I had to tell them when I called asking if you could stay at the coloc. Lisa probably knows too, but I mean, you know how she is.”

He nods, unable to react more than that.

“And – and what about the guys?”

“They called him after we all failed to reach you.” Lucas is particularly appreciative that she doesn’t pronounce his name. He is barely able to think about it himself without wanting to cry, so he isn’t sure hearing it out loud would be much better. “I’m not sure what he told them, though. I messaged the Gang and the Crew while you were getting dressed – just to let everyone know you’re fine. Haven’t replied to anyone since then,” she finishes to answer before adding hesitantly. “It’s not my place to tell you what to do but… I’m sure they would appreciate to hear from you. They care a lot about you. We all do.” She says, eyes soft. A are expression of tenderness Lucas knows she doesn’t let a lot of people witness.

Lucas hears what those words mean: they are all worried about him. But Imane is considerate enough to not tell him that, word for word. She probably doesn’t want him to feel guilty for worrying everyone.

He does, anyway.

He knows he hasn’t really acted decently or in a really mature way since that night… first by ignoring everyone and then, by going out alone and hooking up with a stranger under the influence of some unknown and most probably, not so legal substance.

Well. At least they’d used a condom.

But the thing is – the only thing Lucas had needed, after the shock that plunged him into this numb, dream state had past – had been to feel pain. To feel the pain and be reminded there was still something he could feel and control.

Now that Lucas is fully sober and this weird, numb state is gone, he his more brutally hit by his emotions which means he also realizes how cruel it is to let the people that still care about him feel so worried.

“I will.” He simply replies.

The rest of the bus trip is silent and when they arrive at the coloc, Mika immediately pulls him into a bear hug. Lucas let it happens, slightly uncomfortable but relieved when his former flatmate doesn’t ask any questions. When he does tell him that he’s all open ears to talk about ‘ _anything – you know, mating bees or the current political situation in France’,_ Lucas makes him understand he doesn’t want to talk about it. Not now. Probably not ever.

The young brunet feels a mix of uncomfortable and contradictory feelings swirling in his mind and he really doesn’t have the strength to express any of them out loud.

There’s raw, indescribable pain from the break up. But also shame, embarrass and incomprehension from not realizing earlier that Eliott had fallen out of love with him... some anger, distress, humiliation and –

It’s just a lot and he needs time to sort them all out.

Without any real appetite despite his still empty belly, Lucas accepts to take a few pieces of the pizzas Mika has ordered them for a late lunch. This way, they don’t get to worry about him more than necessary, and he also doesn’t have to convince them that he isn't letting himself starve.

He might be feeling crushed under the most intense sadness he’s ever felt, but he is nowhere near letting himself starve to death.

Imane leaves not long after they finish lunch, after making him promise to not wait too long before texting the Gang.

As she is stepping outside the flat, something pushes Lucas to reach out and grab at her arm, even though he is aware she isn’t fond of behind caught off guard like that. But surprisingly, she doesn’t protest as he was expecting it, and instead, she turns questioning eyes toward him.

Lucas looks into her eyes; words are racing messily in his mind but he is unable to say anything. There is a lot he wants to say to express his gratitude but he cannot seem to find the right words.

She seems too understand, though.

“You would have done the same,” his friend says with another rare, fond smile, and he smiles back at her before gently closing the door behind her.

.

.

.

The relentless, heavy steps followed by yells and slamming doors coming from the flat next door, are what wake up Lucas early and he sighs; feeling for the hundredth time this week like he is back to square one – back to where he was last year before meeting _him._

The only difference being, that he’s now openly out and not ashamed of his preference for men. Which is currently the only proof that, _he_ had been a part of his life at some point, that he’d been there to help Lucas with accepting this part of himself. But apart from that, Lucas is back on the couch, miserable and lost.

He's now been sleeping on the coloc's couch for ten days.

The first day, Lucas had refused Manon's offer to let him sleep in her bed, thinking there was no point settling in her bedroom when he’d have to move back to the couch soon anyway. But after trying to sleep on the couch that same night, and turning again and again, uncomfortable and frustrated and simply, mentally and physically drained, he’d relocated himself to her bed – the need for sleep and the sweet forgetfulness it could bring along, far too strong to ignore.

When Manon had come back a couple of days later, late at night when everyone had already been deep asleep, she’d found him curled up in her bed, whimpering and trashing around in his sleep. She had quietly slipped under the blanket and gathered him in her arms, effectively calming him down after a few minutes only.

Lucas had woken up slightly disoriented and confused to be cuddling up with her. He had taken a few minutes to appreciate the feeling of being held; the feeling of a loving embrace applying soothing balm to his heart. But as comforting as it had felt, he hadn’t been able to handle it. Falling asleep and waking up next to someone that loved him but that wasn’t _him_ … it was too much. He just couldn't handle it. After a few minutes only, the embrace had felt too soft, too warm, too comforting, too loving. He had decided that staying alone and cold would be better. Would hurt less, somehow. Besides, he didn’t want anyone to witness him when he was at his weakest and drowning in misery. Because this is when it was the worst - when he was hovering above the thin border between dreams and reality. When he could barely control the paths his thoughts were taking.

So now he was back on the couch. Again. Being woken up early by the neighbors. Again.

But he was OK with that. This couch had become his refuge once again, at least when he was not being kept busy by one his friends.

Just like he had promised Imane, Lucas had texted the Gang and asked if they could hang out soon, on the same evening she dropped him back at the coloc. He hadn’t actually felt like it. But the guilt from keeping them worried for so long, had been stronger than the urge to stay hidden from the world under a mountain of blanket. When they’d finally met the day after, he had instantly found himself engulfed into a group hug, before he could even utter a single word.

He had accepted the hug, of course, and had tried his hardest to swallow back the tears it had brought back to the brim of his eyes.

The day had gone fast and none of them had openly mentioned Eliott nor asked any questions, and Lucas hadn’t had the strength to ask what they knew.

After that, the days had seemed to blur together.

A couple of them had been spent on the couch, sometimes alone, but most often than not, with Mika, Manon or Lisa.

Even now, Lucas still has a feeling they created a roster to watch over him. He didn’t even comment in it, though. He just hadn’t had - and still doesn’t - have the strength to argue. Nor the energy. About pretty much anything. He felt and still feels mostly empty.

Like he’s missing a limb.

When they weren't watching some crap TV show, they would be using Mika’s Netflix account to catch up on the Office. The jokes used to make Lucas laugh hysterically and although this time around, not a single laugh ever came out of his mouth, it still kept his mind busy.

That had been these past days goal: keeping busy during the day to not think too much and let all these destroying emotions overwhelms him.

Yann and Basile had also managed to drag him outside, to either skate or simply hang out.

Arthur too, had kept him quite busy, asking Lucas to help him and his mum to finish moving the rest of their stuff into their new flat.

There still had been a few boxes and some furniture to move from their old place to the new, and Lucas had actually happily welcomed the physical distraction. Carrying heavy things all the way up to the 7th floor in a building without elevator, had helped with keeping his mind focused on his burning muscles and lungs, far away from dangerous, sensitive and painful topics.

Arthur had even offered him to stay with them in the spare bedroom, but Lucas had refused.

He hadn’t thought he could handle having more people witnessing him when, all he had the energy to do, was moping in boxers and a large t-shirt all day. Because the rare moments when no one was there to keep him busy, this is all he could bring himself to do. Fortunately, this hadn't happened that many times.

There had even been one day where the girls had popped by, insisting they absolutely needed his help for whatever they had been planning on doing on this specific day – something regarding helping Alexia shop to decorate her new place.

Still to this day, no one ever mentioned _him_ directly or asked what happened to Lucas during these almost three days he spent ignoring everyone. He doesn’t even know if any of them is in contact with him. He doesn’t ask. He doesn’t want to know.

All in all, Lucas had been quite occupied every day, only allowing the tears to stream down his face at night, once far away from other people's eyes, when alone on his bed – on his _couch._

Lucas sighs once again and finally sits up so he can check his phone comfortably, when it becomes pretty clear the noise coming from the neighbors' apartment isn't about to stop anytime soon.

5 new unread messages from the Gang, he notices absently, and –

His breath catches in his throat and his heart misses a beat when he sees the next notification he received the night before.

**Eliott - (11:32PM)**

> _Hi, Lucas. Are you free to meet at the flat tomorrow? We need to sign the paperwork confirming we'd like to end the lease._

At first, Lucas isn’t too sure what to feel and all he can do, is to stare blankly at the message for a few minutes. He reads the text one time, two times, and again; until he has memorized each and every single word of it and his eyes starts hurting from how intensely focused they are on the screen.

Eliott didn’t even bother with asking him if he had a place to stay before contacting the landlord to end their lease. And the thing is, he _knows,_ that Eliott is aware Lucas cannot afford the flat by himself. That Lucas has friends he can stay with instead, but still – it hurts.

It hurts because Eliott didn’t even have the decency to talk with him first before once again, taking a decision for him.

He didn’t even bother with asking how he was doing.

Is this how much he stopped caring for Lucas? Or is he just unsure whether or not the question would be welcomed?

To be honest, Lucas probably would not welcome it positively. But still.

Maybe he is only projecting all the hurt he feels in general, onto the one idea of them ending the lease. But this flat had been their home for a few months and leaving it, separately, is the ultimate and irreversible proof that things between them are over.

Not that Lucas still has any doubts or hopes, not after two weeks since Eliott admitted loving someone else.

Hope and doubts had also been part of the large number of different, conflicting feelings, he’d been torn apart with these past nights.

He’d been hoping. Hoping Eliott would realize he’d made a terrible mistake when he left him. That he’d come back to his senses and to Lucas; asking him for forgiveness and to take him back. And amongst all these nightly, varied emotions, Lucas had felt anger. A lot of it. But despite this burning anger, he still would have accepted Eliott back into his life. Maybe because he has trouble accepting he is no longer a part of it.

Maybe because this is how much Lucas is still so in love with him.

Under his flatmates’ and friends’ constant supervision, Lucas hadn’t been able to feel the burn he had been craving the first hours after the breakup.

And there were times - when he was lying down on the couch, when the pain was too strong, too overwhelming - where he really wished he could lose himself to the alcohol and drugs and sex once again.

Anger, pain, disbelief, sadness, shame. He had gone through them all again and again, each single night.

And more surprisingly, in the middle of it all, when he isn't too blinded by sorrow, he is also starting to feel some kind of unwanted understanding.

Because… who is he to decide who Eliott can love or not? To interferes in the universe’s own decisions?

Eliott had hurt Lucas’ pride, destroyed his self-confidence and trampled on his heart savagely but… at the end of it all…

No one can control who they fall in love with… can they, now…?

Lucas has no right to expect Eliott to stay with him just because he himself, is still deeply and painfully in love. He isn’t even sure how long Eliott had been in love with someone else and if he did cheat on him.

Maybe this is the most painful part of it.

All these thoughts added together, certainly did not help him knowing what to feel most of the time. But today, as Lucas reads that message, he feels the anger slowly grow stronger in the pit of his stomach and he furiously throws his phone on the couch, as if the device has personally offended him.

He ignores it for the rest of the day.

He keeps himself busy with the TV, staying in his boxers shorts only as it is too warm anyway for him to bother with clothes.

Summer holidays have now fully started for everyone and Lucas has until the beginning of September to do… well, absolutely nothing.

Only just two weeks ago, Lucas’ summer plans had been looking way different than what they're looking like now.

There would not be any visiting the Demaury’s summerhouse in Biarritz with his pare – his _ex_ \- parent in law. They actually should already be there. The day they'd been supposed to leave, Lucas had vaguely wondered if they’d carried on with the plans, but judging on Eliott’s text, he himself is still in Paris.

It feels weird. Not knowing were Eliott is. What he is doing and with who… But then again, Lucas isn’t sure he’s ready to know the answer to this last question.

There would not be any two weeks road trip with just the two of them either.

When Manon arrives later this day, and after they spend a good two hours alternating between comfortable silences and talking about everything and nothing, Lucas finally confides in her about the text he received and asks her for advice. After all, she had been through something similar, through the pain of heartbreak, and he knows her enough to know she will never pry for more than what he is willing to share.

In the end, she convinces him to reply to Eliott and promises to come with him.

**Lucas - (01:19AM)**

> _2pm._

_._

_._

_._

When Lucas arrives there the next day, Manon and Imane closely behind him, the door of the apartment is slightly ajar, which can only mean… Eliott is already inside.

There's nothing Lucas can really do then, to help the way his heartbeat increases and how erratic his breathing becomes.

He swallows in a weak attempt to keep his composure, suddenly really grateful to have his friends with him.

Manon had wisely suggested that they should ask Imane for her help – the young woman had recently completed her license after turning 18 and her parents were always quite happy to let her borrow their car when she needed it. Which would now quite conveniently help with moving Lucas’ things out faster and with less efforts than if they had to make many returns carrying his things in the bus.

Of course, Imane had accepted, all too happy to have an excuse to drive again, not at all deterred by the Parisian busy streets and impatient, angry drivers.

Lucas had barely slept the night before. The simple idea of seeing Eliott again, for the first time after.. after _that_ night, filling him with so much anxiety and uncertainty that he'd almost felt nauseous.

After this night his boyf – _ex boyfriend_ , he has to remind himself, left him for someone else.

Someone better.

And the worse is probably to have to see him again in what used to be their flat, their own little haven… now tainted with painful, ugly memories. To have to pretend these walls did not only witness the best moments of Lucas’ life but also the worst. To pretend Eliott used to love him. To pretend that they are now nothing but just strangers. An old flame that used to burn with passion and love, now buried deep under the ashes of bittersweet memories.

As they step through the door, Lucas unconsciously hold his breath. His hands are moist and his heart is beating so fast, it feels like its about to jump out of his chest.

He doesn’t want to feel like that though, the doesn't want to let Eliott have this kind of influence and power on him, because this is just so _unfair_... but he just cannot help it.

The first things he notices as they arrive in the living room, are the boxes sitting almost innocently in the middle of the room. It appears like most of Eliott’s things have already been gathered and packed away, as if the other man is in a hurry to leave this part of his life – _their_ life – behind him.

As much as he tries to control his emotions, quietly breathing in deeply through his nose and then out through his mouth, Lucas feels a deep sadness constrict what remains of his broken heart at the thought.

Is Eliott that much in a hurry to say goodbye?

When did Lucas start repulsing him that much?

But Lucas had promised himself he would not get angry or sad. He is going to stay calm and mature and –

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears heavy steps approaching and then he hears Manon and Imane talk next to him.

He barely hears what they say.

His eyes stay frozen on the boxes – he is momentarily incapable of moving any part of his body. But curiosity takes over and he slowly lifts his eyes…

\- they immediately meet Eliott’s.

He is looking intently at Lucas, standing there, almost unaffectedly; his hair is its normal messy self and except for the dark shadows under his eyes and the unusual blank expression on his face, he looks exactly as he's always looked. He is still as handsome.

It's only been two weeks since he last saw him but somehow, it's feels like it's been forever.

Lucas’ inside does a weird little flip at the sight of him, standing there so causally in their – in _the_ living room of what is soon to be their ex flat.

The first place where Lucas had really felt like at home, and not only because of the place. But at home with Eliott, the man he loved. The man he still loves even though he destroyed his heart.

Seeing Eliott again after these past two weeks hurts more than what Lucas would like to admit and he finally identifies the weird flutters inside his belly as what they really are – nervous contractions. He has to take a deep breath to not lose it right there and run away.

Or maybe run to Eliott.

To kiss him desperately and beg him to have him back.

Or hit him and insult him for crushing his hearts between his fingers.

Lucas isn’t actually sure what to feel. Again.

Eliott stuffs his hands in his jeans pockets; his shoulders are slightly slumped forward and his head is low as he looks up from under his eyelashes, almost shyly.

“Hey, Lucas.” His voice is gentle, almost hesitant. “Imane, Manon. ” He then nods toward the girls and they each offer a neutral smile back.

Lucas tries to say something, anything, but he can’t. Instead, he stares at Eliott in a weird kind of trance, incapable from averting his eyes. The silence seems to stretch, no one really knowing what to say.

“I, uh –“ Eliott finally interrupts the palpable silence. A hand goes up to rub the tip of his fingers on his bottom lip and Lucas instantly recognizes the too familiar sign that Eliott is anxious, “I came early to start packing,” he then voices the obvious.

So he even admits it. How much he didn’t want to be in the same room than him, Lucas thinks, hurting some more and something like anger starts growling again somewhere inside of him.

“Can we talk, Lucas? ” Eliott asks him in a breath before anyone can say anything, “in private,” he adds, now biting his lip.

Lucas’ eyes widen almost comically, slightly taken aback and not understanding why Eliott would want to talk to him. Let alone why he'd want to be alone in the same room than him, with how impatient he seems to get rid of him.

He is still too confused by the situation and undecided on how to act or feel.

He wants to be angry and ask Eliott when he stopped loving him. And if he ever cheated on him. But Lucas also has to remind himself that, he doesn’t want to show any kind of feelings in front of Eliott.

Not when he is too uncertain of what is going to come out of his mouth.

Eliott is, once again, one of his first.

In their current occurrence, Eliott is now his first, serious ex – and Lucas doesn’t really know how he is supposed to act around an ex-boyfriend, what he is supposed to say.

Eliott said he doesn’t love him anymore. That he loves someone else. He was honest with him and Lucas doesn’t have any proofs Eliott actually cheated on him.

_Can you chose who you falls in love with?_

Alexia was right. No one can control those things.

So in consequences, should Lucas be cold with Eliott? Angry? Or act like he isn’t hurt and talk to him as if his heart had never been broken? Because this is the most adult thing to do? Is it?

Lucas remembers that once the shock had past and despite her still broken heart, Lucille had acted really kindly toward him, even though Eliott had only just left her.

The moment when Eliott had started loving Lucas instead of her.

Isn’t it exactly what is happening here?

Lucas is so uncertain about the current situation. He had hoped he would know how to act once confronted to the situation, but he doesn’t. He still isn’t sure how he is supposed to feel about their breakup and above all, how he is supposed to feel about the way it happened.

About the reason _why,_ it happened.

Lucas feels weak. He doesn't have the strength to say anything so he simply nods to show is agreement.

He sees Imane and Manon throw him a look from he corner if his eyes, silently asking if he will be okay and he nods again before silently following Eliott in the bedroom.

_Keep breathing._

Lucas tries not to let his eyes wander too much to the bed where they used to sleep, cuddled close together. Where they talked, laugh, and made love. Lucas tries especially not to think about the last time they made love, this one time after the last Gang night. He tries not to remember how passionate and sensual, almost desperate for closeness, they had both been.

Had Eliott already stopped loving him by then? It had felt so real, though. So loving.

A love that no longer exist in Eliott’s heart apparently. And as hurt as he is, as betrayed as he feels, Lucas knows he still loves Eliott.

He knows it, because surely he would not be hurting so much was his heart not still yearning for the other man’s touch.

He averts his eyes, as if the simple sight of the bed offends him and instead, he turns his head to Eliott who it seems, has been observing him silently.

Lucas shivers.

Eliott's eyes are now reflecting something close to concern, worry, and Lucas has to resist the sudden urge to scoff.

“How are you?” Eliott finally asks in an almost whisper and Lucas isn’t sure if he is supposed to laugh or cry at the question.

Eliott broke up with him and trampled on his heart.

How exactly, is he expecting him to feel right now?

Lucas still refuses to show Eliott any emotions, so he swallows to gain the time to gather some courage.

“Fine,” he opts for, voice croaking more than he’d hoped.

He doesn’t ask how Eliott is doing in return. There’s a part of him that wants to know, of course, but he isn’t sure he wants to know how happy Eliott must be now that he can be with his new partner freely.

_God, I don’t even know if he left me for a girl or a boy._

All Lucas knows, is that he was not enough.

He feels his eyes starting to burn with frustration and forces himself to stay calm and not cry and scream. After the few seconds it take him to deem himself safe from spilling tears, he looks up again.

Although he doesn’t look at Eliott's eyes directly, he can still see him nod shortly, seemingly satisfied with his answer.

“Lucas,” he starts again and simultaneously takes a step toward him, a hand reaching out to his face and Lucas widen his eyes, as if scarred, instinctively stepping back.

He craves Eliotts touch just as much as he feels repulsed by the idea of feeling the taller man’s hands against his skin. Those hands have touched Eliott’s new lover with love and care.

Whereas Lucas’ skin has been dirtied, stained by another man’s touch he did not love.

Lucas is pretty sure he can hear Eliott swallow when his hands falls back along his body.

“I – I just wanted you to know that… this doesn’t change anything.”

Lucas frowns, not understanding what Eliott is trying to say because –

_What the fuck?_

Are they even still living in the same universe? Of course it changes everything!

When he finally finds the courage to meet Eliott’ s eyes again, he is surprised to see what looks like pain coloring them.

Does Eliott feel guilty?

Well it’s too late, Lucas starts raging interiorly but Eliott doesn’t seem to notice as he continues.

“What I’m trying to say is that – you can always count on me. I want to be there for you… If you ever need something… anything…”

_I need you_ , Lucas thinks bitterly but it doesn’t get past the barrier of his lips.

He can’t say anything. He isn’t sure he could even talk. He isn’t sure why Eliott would even bother sticking around.

What is this kind of sick game?

Does he wants them to stay friends? Now? After breaking Lucas heart beyond repair? Does he think Lucas is going to hang out with him and his new partner like nothing happened?

As much as Lucas wants to scream his frustration and incomprehension out at Eliott, he is still incapable of doing so and hates himself even more for that. How much he wishes he could let all his frustration out. But something is still holding him back.

He can’t, and the rage stays hidden behind a dam of fear and pain.

Because as much as Eliott has hurt him… can Lucas actually imagine a life without Eliott in it? He isn’t sure exactly how ready he is to accept this reality. He wants to be mad at him and at the same time, he is scared that by doing so, it will scare Eliott away from him forever.

“OK,” he replies blankly, not able to think about anything else to say or if this is the wisest thing to accept. He is about to turn on his heels to head out of the bedroom which has become too small, too stuffy and Lucas almost feels like he is suffocating…but Eliott doesn’t seem to be done with talking.

_I need to get out of here. I need to –_

“I really hope that you can get to be happy, now. Live a little more. Have some fun.”

And.

“What?”

He doesn’t really mean to say it out loud but it slipped past his lips anyway. Eliott shifts nervously from one leg to another.

“I mean, you can enjoy your freedom without having to worry, now. Go out. Experiment. Like any other, normal young man should.”

Lucas stays frozen momentarily, incredulous.

_Be happy?_

_Enjoy?_

_Freedom?_

Had Eliott become so blind to Lucas’ feelings that he completely missed the moment he destroyed his hapiness and his confidence? The moment he condemned Lucas to become a prisoner of his darkest emotions?

The anger that’d been rumbling low, hiding under fear and confusion seems to now roar to life and the dam that was keeping his most virulent emotions at bay explodes.

“Who the fuck, do you think you are?” He growls. “You have no right, you hear me – no right to tell me what I should do or not. Not anymore. You lost this right the moment you left me for someone else! ” , he is screaming now, not caring if anyone else hears him.

Because he’s had enough of hearing that. Because right now there is still now one else he wants more than Eliott. Because he will never have him again. And because the man he still loves keeps trying to tell him to fuck other people.

He can't take it anymore and strides furiously through the room to get out of here. 

“Lucas, wait! I –"

Eliott starts walking after him, trying to reach for his arm but Lucas yanks it away before the other can grab at it.

He is just about to exit the bedroom when he turns one last time to Eliott, eyes hostile and murdering.

“Just so you know, I didn’t wait for your approval to fuck someone else – and you know what? You were right. It was pretty liberating.” 

His words are cold, his intent being clearly to hurt the other man like he is currently hurting.

Lucas doesn’t wait to see Eliott’s expression - he storms out of the bedroom and doesn't look back.

He is fuming when he joins Manon and Imane who have prepared themselves a tea and started preparing boxes. They don’t comment on his furious expression or when he pretexts having to go to the car to grab some more boxes.

Once he is outside, he starts walking toward nowhere in particular, angry tears escaping from his eyes. He needs to let some steam out and walking seems now like the best option. When he comes back some 20 minutes later, Eliott is gone.

He’s left some paperwork on the table and this is the heart still heavy with rage and pain that Lucas signs everything. Then he adds a post-it, to let Eliott know that he will have do the final inspection with the landlord alone and that Lucas will be expecting him to reimbuse his half of the bond once he gets it back.

The flat being fully furnished when they moved in, they barely had to buy anything together so packing his things doesn't take too long after that. Most of Eliott’s belongings have already been put away which makes the task of gathering Lucas’ own things easier.

Once he's done with packing everything from the bedroom and the living room, he finishes with the wall, where a few of their memories are still pinned.

He wonders for a second if Eliott simply doesn’t want any of those or if he’s giving him the choice to decide which ones he wants to keep or not.

It is mostly drawings Eliott made for him; from the very first one he sketched before they got in a relationship to all the ones that followed. Some concerts, art exhibition and cinema tickets. Also train tickets and all the rest. His first instinct is to rip everything from the wall and throw it all in the bin. But at the last minute, Lucas can’t bring himself to do it. In the end, he decides to simply leave them on the wall, even the photo on the fridge. He lives it all except from one.

_You look beautiful when you sleep._

Lucas delicately grabs the paper between his fingers. His eyes starts burning as he stares at the cute raccoon and hedgehog cuddling together. Ashamed by his weakness, he wipes his angry, frustrated tears away and drops the drawing in one of his box.

By the end of the afternoon, everything is finally packed away in the Bakhellal's car.

Eliott doesn’t come back and Lucas tries not to wonder if he's going to see him ever again. 

As he is stepping outside the flat, Lucas looks behind him one last time with a weird sense of finality. A sparkle of late sunlight reflecting off his keys left behind on the kitchen table, momentarily blinds him. 

This part of his life is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This really wasn't my favorite chapter to write for some reasons - hope you couldn't feel it too much while reading.
> 
> Next Chapter: Lucas spirals down - until he hits the bottom. (Should be the last difficult chapter to read.)


	8. Dazed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas spirals down and hits the bottom. Who will rescue him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so nervous about this chapter.   
> I thought about possibly cutting a scene out or changing it, but the whole story is pretty much written down already and that would have been too many elements to amend in the next chapters. As previously mentioned, it’s going to be quite dark and as much as I don’t want to spoil anything, it’s important that you take notes of the new tags. 
> 
> /TW/ - Abusive drugs use. Abusive alcohol consumption. Attempted Rape/Non-Con Touching. Mild description of a panic attack. 
> 
> This chapter is divided into 3 parts, each separated with three dots placed vertically. If you want to avoid the Attempted Rape part, you can read up until the end of the second part - ending with "(...), Lucas accepts." - and then go directly to the End Notes

The whole month of August seems to go by in a blur and soon, September is here and studying becomes everyone's main focus once again.

Or at least - almost, everyone.

Back when Lucas had been organizing his summer holidays, back when he'd still been far from imagining the devastating storm coming his way, Mika had one day informed him how the bar he was working at – Les Piaules – was looking for additional staff to help for the summer, and possibly for the next coming months, too. Still deep in the process of studying for the bac, Lucas had enthusiastically applied, thinking that should he be hired, this would be the perfect opportunity to get a small but non-negligible income, especially after the holidays away they’d planned.

He hadn't heard back from them until the person the bar had ended up hiring, resigned a couple of weeks only after starting. The manager had this time followed Mika’s advice and called Lucas, offering him to start work the first week of August.

In the end, and with Mika’s insistence, Lucas had accepted the offer. The bar’s owner had even decided to renew Lucas’ contract when summer had ended. He still only works two days per week, but financially speaking, it's enough.

Still to this day, his dad keeps sending him the amount of money necessary to cover his previous rent – which had been more expensive than what he needs to pay at the coloc. In consequences, Lucas has now enough money to afford a little extra food and with what he earns at the bar, he is comfortable enough to buy some other things if needed.

Other things he’d actually thoroughly been enjoying…

Lucas had felt slight guilty at first, for not letting his dad know he didn’t need the few extra euros anymore. But he hadn’t been able to bring himself to call him and explain why exactly his rent was back to what it used to be. Even now, he still isn't sure he's ready to hear his dad tell him that Eliott - and by that, hear: boys - had only been a phase and that Lucas could now focus on getting a proper girlfriend.

Not so long before Lucas and Eliott had moved in together, Lucas’ dad one day contacted him out of the blue. He had apologized for staying a few months without giving any news and at first, if he hadn't particularly approved of his son's situation, he hadn't fully rejected him either. He had actually rambled on about, how he was understanding, how it was probably all just an exploration phase and knew that eventually, Lucas would get tired of it. When in return, Lucas had tried to explain how this would never change, his dad had immediately interrupted him, telling him he would keep paying the rent but that Lucas should not contact him again until he'd "grown out of his phase". And just like that, he little hope to have his dad back, had been quite crushed by the fact that he just couldn't accept him for who he is. The young man hadn't dared protesting further as he did need the money. So Lucas kept silent and begged his mum not to tell his dad about the breakup. His mum that he had barely visited since then. Maybe only once. Lucas hadn’t had the strength to show his face to her these past months…

It’s now the second week of September, the second weekend since they all started Uni, and the Gang has finally found a Friday night they all have free to go out.

They decided to go have drinks in a bar. They haven’t been out _out_ like this since before everything went to shit. Well, at least not all together and with the four of them only.

Basile and Daphné had spent some time with Basile’s grandfather in August while Yann had also gone to visit family in Alsace. Arthur had accompanied his mother to visit her brother in Bordeaux. Imane had been staying in Morocco with Sofiane. Manon had gone to visit her parents in Barcelona once again after they complained she didn’t stay long enough the first time. Not used to have them seek her company like that, she hadn’t been able to refuse. Only Alexia and Emma had stayed in Paris like him, but he did not see them that much.

Consequently, they'd all been alternatively away from Paris in August, so they hadn’t had a lot of opportunity to meet all together. And the few times only Lucas had met with someone, they never mentioned going out and simply hung out a few hours here and there. Then Uni had started and there hadn’t been lots of opportunities.

Besides, Lucas is still pretty convinced his boys thought that dragging him out and around other people, might have been too much of a big step after his breakup. That it'd still been too early to confront him to the rest of the world.

Unknowingly to them, this is actually exactly how Lucas had dealt with the situation.

With most of his friends away, there hadn’t been anyone to stop Lucas from chasing the burn that had made him feel so alive this one night after he'd snapped out of his dream-like state.

Lucas definitely hadn’t waited for their company before enjoying himself. He also had a feeling that they wouldn't have understood what he was going through and what he needed.

After all, even night-owl Mika hadn’t been too enthusiastic; not when Lucas had come back completely out of it four nights in a row. Especially two nights out of the four, with some company. Different each time. Let say that this second time, Lucas hadn’t hesitated to accept the offer when Manon had suggested for him to have her room for the four weeks she’d be away.

Since his last encounter with Eliott, Lucas had fully recovered this same, urgent, deep urge to feel _the burn_. Something he'd needed to satisfy at all cost.

He hadn’t told his friends about it though.

They didn’t need to know.

They didn’t need to know that the quiet but relatively happy and contained appearance he could show during the daytime was only a mask. That it was at night, in the darkest hours and darkest corners, that Lucas was dealing with his pain. When he hadn’t been working at the bar, he’d been dancing and flirting, in some dark, sweaty corners under the influence of some illegal substances.

He was still very far from being addicted to anything, but Lucas thought he had worried them enough already, during these three silent days post break up.

He didn’t really doubt that the friends he was meeting from time to time were suspecting that he was not doing that well, but none of them tried to pry, probably too afraid to say the wrong words, to bring up something too painful. So they stayed satisfied with the smiles he is now able to bring up when necessary.

Lucas is absolutely not upset at his friends for not suggesting to go out earlier; whenever they’d been available, they’d done all they could to cheer him up. He also figured he probably wouldn't have suggested to his friends to go out either, had it for example been Basile, going through something like this.

Except Lucas had discovered that he needed physical burn – the one he could control – to compensate with the pain tearing at his heart.

Tonight though, seems to be marking the first official night they are hanging out in town again.

They are currently sitting in a bar, having what must be their third beer, when Lucas finally decides to pick up the game and stare straight back at the boy that has been eying him insistently. Insistently and definitely not innocently, judging by the suggestive smiles pulling at the corner of his mouth.

Lucas’ own lascivious gaze doesn’t go unnoticed.

Basile notices it and he curiously follows the direction his friend's eyes have taken. Soon, his own eyes widen before he's leaning over the table and toward the other brunet to speak in what he think is a hushed voice.

“Lulu. Is it only me, or this guy is eye-fucking you and you’re doing absolutely nothing to discourage him?”

Yann and Arthur previously busy next to them debating about who has the worse teacher, fall silent.

Lucas still hasn’t averted his own intense gaze from the boy across the bar when he replies distantly, a smirk on his lips.

“Why should I?”

“Isn’t it like, umh… too early?”

“Ever heard about rebounds? It’s been almost two months, now. Besides, he didn’t bother waiting before sticking his dick into someone else. So, why should I wait when I’m single, proudly out of the closet and terribly horny?”

He knows the guy’s eyes probably widened at his words, most likely shocked by his bluntness. Not that sex his a taboo topic among them, far from that, but Lucas has never been so blunt when talking about his sexuality and needs before.

He can’t blame them, though. He understands.

These past weeks have changed him and his friends are not used to hear him talk like that. But it’s fine.

He himself hadn’t been used to being so sexually _open_ until recently so, really – he gets it. It’s not their fault.

Though, they probably wouldn’t be as surprised if they knew where he’d spent his nights the past weeks. And with who. Not that he remembers all their names, anyway. But also under which substances influence.

Arthur seems to be the first one to find his words again.

“Soo…”, he breaks the silence hesitantly, “what are you going to do about it?”

Feeling the warm, usual pleasant buzz of alcohol blanket away the last bit of shyness and pleasantly absorb any remaining fragments of hesitation, Lucas takes one last sip of his drink and grins.

“Watch.” 

He stands up and walks confidently to the guy that has been _eye-fucking_ him pretty much since they sat down at their table. Lucas had immediately noticed the persisting, flirty gaze but had waited until the alcohol was flowing through his veins to start flirting back. This is an experience he needs as a whole – the burning of the alcohol combined with the sexual tension, the flirting and the possibility of _more,_ making his whole body vibrate with adrenaline.

The tall, messy brown haired guy has a satisfied and probably what Lucas should recognize as a beautiful smile, growing larger on his lips as Lucas gets closer to him.

Lucas’ hands hovers dangerously close to the guy’s waist when he leans in closer to him and pushes on his toes so he can whisper suavely in the shell of his ear.

He has gotten good at this in the past few weeks – the flirt, the seduction, the sexy insolence, even. How to read the signs and knowing when a guy wants him. How to rile them up just enough that they can't resist him when he decides to take things further. The first few times, alcohol and drugs had definitely helped his confidence with taking the first steps and with time, they had all become necessary ingredients to assure a satisfying, pleasant experience.

Lucas leans back so he can find the guy’s eyes – that now he is closer, realize are disappointingly brown – but he hasn't time to think more about it. His head is brutally pulled back by the hand that has slipped behind his neck and his lips collide with the stranger’s for a bruising kiss, which only lasts a few seconds as he is next dragged toward the bathroom by eye-fucking-guy.

He isn’t sure to what purpose exactly, but Lucas can’t help but turn and wink to his friends before he disappears around the corner. At the present moment, he doesn’t really care if they are not recognizing the Lucas they used to know.

The little, innocent, kind but bratty high-schooler Lucas.

This Lucas was not good enough, apparently.

But now things are different. Now, guys want him, they desire him and in return, Lucas needs the burn they can provide.

Now Lucas wants to provoke, to shock. Want to exist.

Isn’t it what Eliott wanted for him? For him to fuck other guys?

When Lucas comes back to the table some long minutes later; his hair looks even more disheveled than its normal usual. The strands pointing to varied direction, a past reflection of the feverish hand that not so long ago, was pulling at his hair desperately. His red and puffy lips are stretched in a lazy smile, his pupils are sex and drug dilated and the two first buttons of his button up shirt are unbuttoned.

When Yann, Arthur and Basile see him approach, Lucas’ fuzzy mind doesn’t really understand why they look so stern – almost concerned.

Aren’t they having fun? He certainly is! It’d been easy to forget about the eye color and get fully into the moment when sweet lips had returned the favor.

Lucas’ fucked out brain chooses to ignore the look in his friend’s eyes, and he sits down next to them with a drunken, dumb grin that probably says a lot about his current state.

“Did someone die?”

He burst into laughter when concerned looks are his only answer.

Arthur’s and Basile’s eyebrows are furrowed in an expression that Lucas’ clouded brain can’t quite place, while Yann looks at him with a totally unimpressed look.

The later finally shrugs with a sighs.

“If by die, you meant disappeared – then yeah. I’m starting to wonder where the Lucas we know has gone.”

His best friend’s voice sounds more concerned than upset and Lucas hates it – immediately the high caused by the drug… Noah (?) provided and the alcohol feel dampen.

“Come on,” he whines plaintively and barely catches himself from falling off his stool, his movements made uncoordinated by the substance now coursing freely through his system, ”who never had any bathroom hook up!”

“I never had one,” Basile says with a nonchalant shrug.

The curly haired boy’s eyes are blinking as he stares at his drink, fingers playing absently with the straw and seeing his facial expression, Lucas snorts louder than the situation requires.

”Bas – no offense, but you’re not really a reference here.”

Lucas giggles harder, not realizing he is the only one doing so. His smile pauses nonetheless when he realizes the others are not laughing at his joke and are instead staring sternly at him.

“Jesus! I’m only joking! Come on guys, you’re so boring tonight! I though we were here to have fun! Nothing to be upset about, it was just a random hook up,” he protests, upset that his friends can’t seem to be as ecstatic as he feels right now.

“It’s not only the hook up, Lucas.” Yann’s voice and eyes are sterner than Lucas ever remember seeing them directed at him. “But the drugs? Seriously?”

Arthur’s and Basile’s gaze shift to his face – to his eyes – and Lucas vaguely guesses that even with the dimmed light of the bar only, it must be pretty hard to miss his drugged, completely dilated irises.

Though not as bothered as he should be being caught doing drugs, Lucas can’t help but giggle again, not seeing how serious the conversation has become.

After all, it’s not like he is new to it now. He’s had quite a few clubbing nights and tinder hook ups that often had some drugs to spice it all up.

To help with the oblivion and the burn.

“It’s nothing,” he waves off and makes the mistake to add, “I know what I’m doing, now.”

Arthur vividly lifts his head when he hears that.

“Now?" He points out. "Lucas, what exactly are you saying, here?” The blond’s voice is cold and deadly serious.

Lucas is slightly taken aback by this sudden... _attack_ and –

_Oh, for fuck's sake._

He just cannot understand why the hell his friends seem so upset about this. He knew they wouldn’t understand. But they all smoke weed, so surely you’d believe they’d at least be open minded about that, right?

Right?

Lucas feels anger starting to bubble in the pit of his stomach. He hasn’t come here to be reprimanded like a child or to be told off and to stop having fun. Can’t they understand he _needs_ that?

He is ready to answer Arthur but the blond is apparently not yet done with telling him off.

”Do you mean that it’s not the first time you’re hooking up with some random guy in the bathroom or not the first time you’re taking drugs? And from a complete stranger no less, “the growing anger in his friend’s voice doesn’t go unnoticed. Out of the three of them, Arthur is the one he would have imagined accepting the drugs. “Because in any case, Lucas, there are absolutely no reasons to be acting proud, for fuck's sake.”

By the end of his speech, Arthur eyes are raging behind his glasses and even Yann and Basile look slightly surprised by their friend vehement outburst.

Recovering quickly from his shock despite the alcohol pulsing through his veins a little stronger with every passing minutes, Lucas purses his lips.

Why are his friends judging him? Aren’t they supposed to support him? Can’t they simply see this makes him forget and happy?

Their reactions irk Lucas and the only form of response that comes to his mind is insolence – to challenge and provoke them even further.

_Fuck them!_

“What do you think I’ve been doing all these nights you guys were away? Why shouldn’t I be proud of it? Eh – I’m not Eliott’s fucking shy virgin anymore, I’m getting the experience he so wanted me to get. Maybe he was right, maybe it would do your uptight asses some good, too.”

Then, noticing his own glass is empty; he pushes the provocation even further and grabs Arthur’s still full glass to take a large gulp of it, all the while wiggling his eyebrows teasingly at him.

Lucas feels the need for the burn once again.

The blond doesn’t protest, mouth agape, probably still shocked by this new revelation and the unusual provocation coming from his friend.

Had he been sober, Lucas might not have told them about his nightly escapades like that.

Or even, not at all.

But he doesn't really have any control right now, the filter between is brain and his mouth no longer existing, completely out of work and drowned in alcohol and drugs confidence.

“So what, you decided that getting as much dicks and drugs as possible was better than talking to your best friends? What the _fuck_ , Lucas,” Yann fumes and reaches across the table to rip Lucas’ glass from his hands.

Lucas lets him take the now pretty much empty glass without a protest and shrugs.

“You can’t understand.”

“We can’t understand? _I_ can’t understand? Do you think you’re the only one that's ever been through break up?”

“It’s not the same,” Lucas spats stubbornly, seriously starting to lose patience now.

How could it be? How could it be the same when the love of his life ripped his heart into a million pieces and told him to _enjoy his freedom_ and _have fun_ while he is fucking his new lover.

He knows Yann is about to add something but Arthur is faster, voice cold once again.

“When did this nonsense start, Lucas?”

Lucas had promised himself he would never talk about this second night after Eliott left, but right now, he finds himself no longer caring.

His behavior and habits are apparently shocking his friends. He might as well tell them everything and see how shocked exactly they can become, how far he can push them before they explode again. Maybe they will leave him, too, because they can't accept who he is.

That wouldn’t be something he is unfamiliar with.

“The second night after he left,” he says and he knows how pitiful that sounds but can’t bring himself to care – he even adds for good measures, “found this guy in a bar and had him fuck my drugged out brain all night. Why, you jealous?' He leans in provocatively toward the blond and place a hand on his thigh. "Finally decided to act on your queer side and now you want a piece of my ass, too?”

Arthur only frowns severely, looking almost disappointed with him, which in turn, makes Lucas laughs. He then leans further so his mouth is only inches away from his friend's while at the same time, suggestively sliding his hand higher on the other's thigh.

Arthur pushes him away and Lucas expects anger and shouts after his blunt words and actions. This time is ready for that, so he is surprised when instead, he only hears pity.

“Oh Lulu,” Yann says in a resigned, sad sigh, ”I told you to never go through something like this without telling me. We would have helped you.”

Lucas doesn’t want pity. He wants to hear anger. Anger is easy. He doesn’t know how to react to pity.

He’s had enough with pity.

“I don’t need your fucking help!” He shouts as he abruptly stands up to leave.

“Lulu, wait!” Basile says at the same moment Arthur grabs his forearm.

But Lucas violently shoves the blond away and his friend stumbles against Basile who in turn, hit the table and the movement immediately spills the drinks resting on top of it.

“Leave me alone,” he orders, his voice already swallowed by the music as he storms toward the dance floor.

He is ready to forget again. To lose himself to the beat of the loud speakers and hopefully, lose himself with another warm body.

Fuck his friends. Fuck their pity and fuck their lectures.

The now thick crowd of dancing bodies welcomes him like he's always been a part of it, and luckily, it isn’t long until the guy from earlier finds him again. Lucas lets the other's hands squeeze his ass possessively and he presses himself against the sturdy chest. It isn't long until he’s being kissed feverishly and if Lucas focuses enough, he's pretty sure he can still taste himself on Noah's tongue. He isn’t sure how much time he's spent against this regretfully, browned-eyes guy – but who cares, he keeps his eyes closed – when suddenly, their lips are rudely separated. A hand tightly grabs Lucas’ shoulder and makes him take a step back.

“Fuck off, can't you see we're busy, right now?” Brown-Eyes guy immediately says to the intruder and he closes his fingers around Lucas’ forearm to pull him back tight against him. Lucas doesn't have much control on his limbs anymore and feels like a boneless doll when he crashes into the other.

“He's already taken!” Basile protests, trying to get a hold of his friend again, but the guy only laughs as he eyes him up and down, clearly not intimidated. He even snickers.

“By who? You?”

“No. By me.” 

Through his now fully hazy brain, Lucas recognizes Yann’s more intimidating voice and once upon a time, this exact situation would have made Lucas’ inside explode in crazy fireworks.

”Now, you fuck off!”

At this point, the drug and alcohol in Lucas' body and mind are too strong for him to protest and he lets himself be dragged out of the stranger’s arms and then out of the bar, without too much of a fight, stumbling on his feet and only keeping up thanks to Yann's firm arm around his waist.

“Guyys!” Lucas whines mournfully, now too far-gone drunk off his ass to be angry.

Their fight is already forgotten when he stumbles on the street, his feet barely following one after the other, barely holding himself up once Yann makes the mistake of letting go of him.

“ I was about to –” he hiccups, “score again.”

“You’ve had enough,” Arthur says sternly, grabbing his two forearms to stabilize him when Lucas’ foot miss the curb and he almost falls down.

The blond is surprised when instead of regaining his footing, Lucas collapses onto his chest. The drunk boy’s stomach absolutely doesn’t seem to agree with the violent movement and suddenly, Lucas is heaving out the content of his stomach on Arthur.

He thinks he hears some disgusted cries but honestly, after this, his eyes feel heavier than ever and the only reason he is still upright, is because of the arms that surprisingly, still haven't let go of him. He barely registers when at some point, someone hoists him up. He is so tired.

All he can do now, is closing his eyes. Then - nothing else matters.

.

.

.

.

The next morning, Lucas slowly regains consciousness in his bed. Or rather, in his couch, since Manon is now back for the new school year.

As he blinks heavy eyes open tiredly, he notices a bottle of water on the table next to him. After some efforts and some more time to sit down groggily, he downs the water in large, thirsty gulps.

Once he feels less like vomiting and more like actually filing his belly, he stands up and makes his way to the kitchen, feeling pretty much like a zombie.

“Look who has finally come back from the dead!” Mika’s too loud words when Lucas enters the kitchen, confirms that he must look as bad he feels.

He ignores his flatmate, though, and goes for the coffee machine, walking close past Mika on his way to what he hopes is going to bring some life back into him.

“No offense, chatouna, but you really smell like the dead, too.”

“What’s that?” Lucas asks instead, fully ignoring Mika’s words as he eyes the brown paper bag on the counter.

“Croissants,” Mika answers. “Yann bought them before they left.”

“They?”

“Yes, they. As in your friends – you know these people that for some reasons, love and care about your stupid, drunk ass? The same friends that brought you back completely drunk, drugged and fucked out of your mind in the middle of the night. Lucas – “ Mika starts again, more hesitantly this time and Lucas takes the opportunity to drily interrupt his annoying flow of words.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Alright, kitten.” Mika concedes with a sigh and raises his hands up in surrender, “But you should thanks them, not everyone is as lucky as you are to have such understanding and patient friends. I won’t insist, but you know you can also talk to me, right?”

Lucas rolls his eyes and grabs the bag of croissant.

“Yeah, yeah. Mating bees and all.” He mutters exasperatedly.

Deep down, past the hangover, the insolence and the forlornness, Lucas actually appreciates his flatmate’s intentions, but he also knows that he doesn’t want to talk. To anyone.

No more pity.

The next night, he doesn’t go out. He messages the Gang instead, and after some more, soft lecturing about not talking to them, which thanks to Basile quickly transforms into teasing about vomiting on Arthur and the later having to fully shower once they'd arrived at the coloc - and Lucas does actually feel quite embarrassed about that - they tell him they’d all meet for a game night at the blond’s apartment soon.

The days that follow, Lucas tries his best to reassure his three friends. He pretends that he’s calmed down with the nights out, and he actually does, try to not go out and focus on going to Uni and getting more sleep - which he hasn't had much of in the past weeks.

It works for a few days.

But when one of his now regular tinder hook up – Julien (?) – randomly contacts him in order to invite him to a night in some kind of underground bar, Lucas accepts.

.

.

.

It goes on like this for a couple more weeks. He tries to hide it but isn't really convincing and nothing his friends tell him make him stop.

Lucas makes an effort to go to class during the weekdays, to work at the bar on Thursday and Friday nights and when the weekend comes, he greedily welcomes the burn of the alcohol, the numbness of the smoke, the buzz of the drug and the thrill of oblivious sex.

He drowns in it all, sometime he still goes out during the week, too – waking up a 3pm the next day and missing class.

Sometimes, he hooks up with random strangers met in bars or clubs. Sometimes, with past hook ups, he doesn’t count, doesn’t even ask for names anyway. He just wants to feel the soothing burn he can control.

The burn that never abandons him even when he keeps pushing and pushing until he passes out. And for a time, he lives like that, on the highest adrenaline wave he ever dared surfing on, and nothing else exists.

It is the rhapsodic high until the painful fall.

All things considered, it should not come as a surprise when he finds himself high again, in some apartment on a Friday night after calling in sick.

Lucas is half naked and lying on a bed, the boxers he'd put back on before going to the bathroom across the hall a few minutes ago, the only piece of clothing covering him. The rest of his clothes scattered around the room a reminder of the wild coupling that just happened.

A young man he met some weeks ago – Julien, tall, brown messy hair and blue eyes – Lucas’ most regular hook up with whom he'd been fucking and drinking quite a few times with, is lying across from him on the mattress.

Tonight, he had invited him to his place for some kind of party with some people Lucas had never run into until today.

Lucas reaches out to take the joint from Julien's hand. They lazily pass it back and forth and they've barely finished it, that his lover’s phone rings.

After a few minutes discussing on the phone, the other man sighs and tells Lucas he has to leave. He doesn’t say what for, but Lucas guesses this is drug related. Probably off to sell some stuff to a friend. Or perhaps even another hook up of his. It’s not like Lucas really cares about the details. They aren’t exclusive. They aren’t even in a relationship. The only reason Lucas keeps accepting to see him again, is because he’s pretty handsome with his blue eyes - and the fact that he always has some drugs or weed to share doesn’t hurt.

Julien regretfully rakes his eyes over Lucas’ almost naked form and leans in to hungrily press his lips against warm skin. Lucas closes his eyes and lets the other man nuzzle at his groin and stomach and then he sighs, buckling up when teeth bite at his hipbone. A hand settles on his waist to keep him pressed down against the mattress at the same time a wet, hot tongue licks a trail up his stomach, all the way to his lips.

Lucas fully submits to the demanding lips moving against his and then to the tongue slipping into his mouth to slowly devour him.

“Wait for me here, I’ll be quick.” Julien whispers, nibbling at his lips, “I’m not yet done with you, darling.”

Feeling the combination of varied substances he had tonight, sinking him into a state of pleasant daze, Lucas isn’t difficult to convince and he nods lazily. Julien kisses him one last time before getting dressed to leave.

Lucas closes his eyes as he lets his mind travel away. He isn’t sure how long he stays like this - simply lying down and floating in foreign universes - but when he opens his eyes again, hi body is still buzzing softly from the weed and vodka he had earlier.

His throat feels really dry, though.

This is enough motivation to have him stands up on relatively stable legs, and then exit the bedroom, still only wearing his boxers.

When he reaches the kitchen, Lucas is only mildly surprised to discover that two guys haven’t left the flat yet, even though he is pretty sure the party ended pretty much at the time Julien and him first left to fuck each other’s brain out in the bedroom.

The substances in his system doesn’t stop his instincts from reacting and he instantly feels slightly uncomfortable under their gazes – the hair on his arms weirdly rise up when they both turn their eyes toward him from the couch.

“Sorry,” he mutters. He isn’t exactly sure what he is apologizing for and rakes a hand through his messy hair, suddenly self conscious about what he is – or rather isn’t – wearing. “I was just – “

His slow speech his interrupted before he can find his next words.

“There's absolutely no worries, man, it’s fine. Want to join us?”

The guy with the black singlet that just talked to him leans slightly on the side, and as Lucas takes a hesitant step toward them, he finally sees the line the other guy has prepared.

“We’re Flo’s friends,” the second, bald guy offers as an introduction.

He has a few tattoos on the side on his bald head and is also wearing dark clothes.

Lucas distantly remembers Flo being Julien’s flatmate. Somewhere along this line of thoughts, he thinks he also remembers Julien mentioning that Flo is away visiting his parents.

He nods anyway, not really wondering why they are here.

“Lucas.” He replies absently.

He shakes the two hands offered to him. When it reaches Singlet Guy’s turn, he doesn’t let go of Lucas' hand and instead, use it to pull him closer. And suddenly there’s a handmade paper straw in Lucas’ other hand.

Lucas' slow brain hesitates slightly before he figures, why not. He only had vodka and weed tonight and Julien still isn’t back, probably doing drugs himself with someone else. 

Once again, Lucas loses track of time, and he isn't sure how long has passed before he finds himself sitting on the couch. He isn’t sure when he ended up sitting between Bald Guy and Singlet Guy.

Lucas eyes are starting to close on their own; he’s starting to feel so, so tired, the lack of sleep from the past weeks too important and definitely accentuated by what he had tonight. His head his resting lazily on the couch backrest and he feels like he could go to sleep like that - but he startles when he feels a mouth unexpectedly licking a wet stripe along the column of his neck.

Abruptly hyper aware, he then realizes how the other man’s hand has started to slide up his thigh.

Suddenly Lucas feels his whole body tense.

“Wha – “ he tries to protest and to get back to his feet.

He wants to know what these assholes think they are doing but his whole body feels quite asleep already.

“Shh,” Singlet Guy or maybe Bald Guy, tries to sooth him and Lucas feels the mouth on his neck starting to suck a bite while the hand on his thigh has fully moved further up.

“You’re really cute, you know,” one of them rasps in his ear.

Lucas had sex with strangers before, in various state of sobriety, but something about the situation and these guys just doesn’t feel right.

He suddenly feels _really_ too exposed with only his boxers covering him. He feels weak between these two men who he knows now, are trying to get into his pant and… where is Julien…?

Lucas isn’t exactly against threesomes, but this just feels _wrong_. So wrong. He’s always wanted and consented in the sexual relationship he’s had with other people but right now… he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to have a threesome with complete strangers and especially so drugged out of his mind.

The hand on his tigh squeezes – hard – and Lucas whines.

“S-stop that,” he mumbles and weakly tries to push one of the body away, hoping they’ll get the hint and leave him alone.

But it doesn’t work and suddenly, everything is moving really fast.

He is dragged from his spot on the couch to a kneeling position in front of Singlet Guy’s spread legs, and Bald Guy is kneeling behind him to keep him in position.

“Want to feel your pretty mouth around my cock,” Singlet Guy slurs and Lucas feels the fear starting to pulse through his veins.

Unfortunately all he had tonight combined together makes him really weak and Bald Guy easily contains his protests.

“It’s okay, everything’s fine. We’re gonna make you feel real good.” Bald Guy purrs into his ears before nibbling on it.

Lucas next feels a hand slide inside his boxers while Singlet Guy's hands are buried in his hair and… Lucas his terrified.

He feels petrified by the fear and it is only when the hands on his head tries to forcefully lower his mouth down on a cock, that adrenaline finally seems to kick in and explode through his veins.

He follows the movement willingly. And bites. Hard.

Singlet Guy instantly screams in pain and violently pushes Lucas away. The young man falls against Bald Guy and uses the element of surprise to place his hands on the others chest and use the leverage to push himself back on his feet. Bald Guy stumbles backward on his ass and Lucas takes the opportunity to rush to Julien’s bedroom.

He looks around the room, panicked and not knowing what to do, when his eyes notice his phone still lying on the bed. He immediately dashes for it and has barely had time to grab it, that Bald Guy enters the bedroom, rage coloring his face with an ugly crimson color.

Lucas grabs the nearest thing he finds – books from the table nightstand– and throws them as hard as he can at his opponent’s face, taking advantage of his surprise to run past him and out of the bedroom.

He enters the closest room he finds, which happens to be bathroom, and quickly fumbles with trembling fingers to lock it. Immediately, Bald Guy’s enraged voice can be heard coming from outside, along with a pounding making the whole door shakes on its hinges.

Lucas feels the tears stream down his face and he brings a shaking hand in front of his mouth to contain his sobs. What has he done?

Remembering the phone in his other hand, he wipes his tears to clear his vision and clumsily unlock his phone. He opens his speed dial and clicks on the first name that his wet eyes and confused brain notices.

He presses the call button.

There are, one, two, three, four rings, and Lucas fears that the phone won’t be picked up and the door behind him will not hold against the two other boys’ drunken and drugged rage.

After the seventh ring, just as Lucas has collapsed onto the bathroom tiled floor, phone pressed desperately at his ears, a concerned voice cracks at the other end of the line.

_“Lucas?”_

The voice is hesitant and sleepy.

_“_ P-please _,”_ Lucas chokes on his tears. The part of his mind that is still relatively conscious thanks to the adrenaline feeding it, is half relieved, half mortified about what he is doing.

_“Lucas, are you OK? What’s happening? Where are you?”_

Lucas swallows a sob. Can the loud, violent pounding on the door be heard through the phone?

He tries to organize his drunken speech, tries to make sense, try to make his interlocutor understand the urgency of the situation.

_“_ Th-they – they want to _–“_ his whispers close to the speaker, but is interrupted by a particularly, loud shout.

“OPEN THE DOOR ,YOU FUCKING, LITTLE SLUT!”

Lucas curls himself into a ball, trying to stay aware enough and not abandon himself to the fear and the substances still coursing through him, now that the biggest rush of adrenaline is starting to fade.

_“_ Please, _”_ he chokes again.

By some kind of miracle, it seems to be enough to convey how dire the situation is.

_“Lucas. Send me your location. I’m coming for you.”_

Lucas chokes again, completely unable to move and starting to hyperventilate.

_“Lucas. Lucas, listen to me. You can do it. Just pull the phone away from your ear so you can send me your location. You don’t have to hang up while you do this. Take a deep breath for me. You can do it. Come on, baby, deep breath. Can you do that for me?”_ Lucas is too focused on trying to make sense of the words he’s hearing and trying to get his breathing under control to notice the pet name.

He nods weakly, even though no one can see him. Despite his trembling fingers and through his blurred vision, he manages to send his location along with the apartment number with trembling hands.

_“OK, this is good. I know where you are, now. I’m coming to get you, Lucas.”_ The voice repeats and Lucas distantly hears rushed movements, then another voice can be heard before the main voice comes back to him, _“don’t hang up, Lucas. Keep talking to me. We’ll be here soon.”_

Lucas stays curled up on the floor, phone clutched against his ear and trembling, listening to the voice reassuring him and guiding him through his panic attack.

After a few minutes, his breathing gets better but he feels completely drained from his last strengths, and Lucas feels too out of it to do anything else than mumble sounds as replies.

Singlet Guy and Bald Guy are no longer pounding at the door but Lucas can hear them probably trying to pick the lock.

He isn’t sure how long has passed until his confused brain picks up on a loud commotion coming from outside, followed by shouts and yells and other loud noises.

Eerie silence finally comes back, until Lucas hears a gentle knock on the door followed by a gentle voice.

“Lucas, it’s me. You’re safe, now. You can open the door. You’re safe.”

Lucas feels relief washing over him and it's like the thought of being safe, finally has the adrenaline evaporating out of his body. 

His clouded brain is having trouble sending information to his heavy, tired limbs, and he has to difficultly force himself on his knees. He crawls to the door and manages to hoist himself up enough to have his upper body falling heavily half against the wall, and half against the door.

The cold wall against his cheek brings some physical relief and he’s tempted to fall asleep right there and then. He closes is eyes but still lifts a heavy arm up. He fumbles a moment; slowly, and finally find the lock. After a few attempts he finally manage to turn it open but has no strength to open the door and so he decides to stay in the same position.

It is not long until the door opens and he feels himself fall sideways. He has no strength to stop it from happening, but he doesn’t need too – gentle arms interrupt his fall and even in this state, he immediately recognizes the smell of the body he just crashed against.

He barely hears his name being called as he is cradled closely against another body, before being lifted up bridle style. Lucas’ head lolls against a solid shoulder. He is vaguely aware of another voice next to them that he thinks he knows, before he finally lets himself slip into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who did Lucas call? 
> 
> I thought a lot about it and really did hesitate cutting this scene out, but this is part of who the mature Lucas of 2023 is - at least the one from this universe. Lucas' big scare will have its own little influence on his future, drastic decisions. Unfortunately, life isn't always pretty, even after something sad already happened, and I needed to express that here. (My next story is probably going to be a fairy tale full of fluff after all the hurt in this one!!)
> 
> One more element is missing to explain Lucas’ departure to London with Mathis, and it definitely won’t be anything like what just happened. You will soon finally know what's Arthur's role in all of this.
> 
> Thank you for trusting me, I did promise a wild ride and a happy ending. It might seem really complicated to imagine right now, and I know some of you just can't imagine Lucas and Eliott ever being together again. I hope the solution I found will be satisfying enough but - that's for later!
> 
> Thanks so much for following me in this adventure. 
> 
> Next Chapter: Lucas wakes up somewhere unknown. He gets better and meets a certain boy that quite fancy him.


	9. First Step Toward Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.  
> Then, as time goes by, a few changes happen in Lucas’ life and he also meets someone new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It makes me so happy and warm all over to know you're invested in this little story of mine. I wish I could post all the chapters at once, but some of them do really need some serious editing! And even after that, and once they're posted, I can always find grammar mistakes or typos left - ugh. Or course, some I just don't realize are mistake but that's another problem!
> 
> Also sometimes, there's a scene that wasn't originally written in details, that just gets a mind of its own and write itself when I'm only supposed to edit it. Whoops. Hope you still enjoy the extra long chapter it created. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and the patience and support you're all showing between each chapter. <3

When Lucas comes to, the first thing he is aware of, is how parched his throat feels and how the pounding in his head is actually hurting him.

He swallows with some difficulty, heavy eyes trying to flutter open. After a few seconds spent adapting to the dimmed daylight, Lucas sits up slowly.

He looks around still quite sleepily, trying to blink the remaining sleep away from his eyes, and notices he is lying in a foreign bed, in a bedroom he doesn’t recognize. His back protests at the position and Lucas shuffles a bit more to sit up properly, and as the blanket slips down on his lap, he realizes that he is wearing some comfy pants and a large grey t-shirt. He actually recognizes the pants as Eliott’s ones.

_What the fuck?_

Lucas brings a palm against his face to rub his eyes with it. He doesn’t remember keeping any of Eliott’s clothes. He must have unconsciously grabbed it when he packed, in an unconscious, desperate and pathetic way, to try and keep something of his ex.

He wonders what Eliott would think about that. He wonders what Eliott would even think about him doing drugs or sleeping with –

_Where the fuck is Julien?_

As Lucas starts to be more and more awake, he remembers going over to Julien’s place to hook up and smoke some weed and then…

The more he tries to recollect what happened, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, the more flashes from the night before come rushing through his mind.

Julien leaving after hey had fucked and smoked a joint.

Lucas heading to the kitchen.

Singlet Guy and Bald Guy.

The fear.

The bathroom and –

Lucas’ cheeks puff out when a wave of nausea hits him brutally. Did he really let himself get so fucked, that he’d be too weak to defend himself and almost got raped in the process?

_Raped_ , for fuck’s sake.

This isn’t something to be joking about. This is serious - the serious kind of things that can leave you mentally and physically traumatized for a long time.

What the fuck had he been thinking?

He can’t even imagine what could have happened, without wanting to hide in a cave for the rest of his life. Lucas isn’t sure whether to feel mortified or deadly ashamed.

And of course, because almost getting abused hadn’t been enough, he had decided to make things worse and _beg_ the last person he should have called to come and rescue him.

Rescue him like a fucking damsel in distress. Just so he could witness what a fucking failure Lucas had become.

A weird mix between a groan and a whine escapes his lips as he lets himself fall back against the pillows.

_How fucking pathetic._

He stares at the ceiling, eyes burning with unshed tears.

How could he be so stupid? So careless?

Was a heartbreak really worth fucking up his life like that? Why had he needed something like that to happen to snap out of it? To realise how destructive and dangerous his behavior had been?

Or maybe he’d always known, but had been too much of a coward to deal with the normal, painful reality.

The young man spends a few more minutes trying to overcome his shame before sitting slowly on the side of the bed and then standing up on weak legs, headache immediately pounding punishingly and harder in his head.

Even though he has a vague idea of the answer, Lucas isn’t exactly sure what or who he is going to find behind the bedroom door.

Sadly, and as much as he dreads getting out of here, he cannot hide in this bedroom and puddle of self-loathing forever.

Lucas looks at his surrounding again; trying to steal himself some time before he has to start the inevitable walk of shame. As he does so, he notices the walls are bare, save from a single drawing hanging on the wall facing the bed.

Instead of walking closer, he squints his eyes, trying to discern what is on the paper but his observation is interrupted when the door opens softly.

The silhouette in the door entrance pauses, probably not expecting to see Lucas out of bed but quickly recovers from the surprise and steps into the ray of light filtering through the curtains.

“Oh. You’re awake,” he notices the obvious and before Lucas can answer, he reaches his open palm out toward Lucas, “I thought you'd appreciate some painkillers.”

Lucas’ heart does a weird back flip and his eyes darts up from the other’s open hand, to his eyes – he is slightly surprised to only find kindness reflecting in them.

No judgement or hate or aversion.

He looks back to the pills and only hesitate a couple of seconds before reaching out and taking them in his own hand without saying anything, making sure to prevent skin contact.

“Thank you,” he says quietly and his voice sounds a lot more hoarse than it normally is.

As he tries to clear his still dry throat, a water bottle appears directly in his line of vision. He accepts it and doesn’t waste any time in swallowing the pills with big gulps of fresh water that finally brings some relief to his throat.

Still not daring to look back up at his ex-lover, Lucas wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and then leans his weight from one foot to another, unsure what to say and too ashamed to be the one to start talking.

He wishes he could feel the anger that had been one of his closest friend the past weeks. But right now, he feels like this is the most awkward situation he’s ever been in, his burning shame overshadowing any other kind of emotions.

They both seem at loss for words for a few seconds, until Eliott stutters a few words out.

“I’ve, uh… prepared some food. It’s probably best if you get something down your stomach.”

As if summoned, Lucas' belly chooses this exact moment to rumble loudly and this seems to slightly relax the atmosphere around them - Eliott chuckles softly and there's absolutely nothing Lucas can do to stop the corner of his lips from rising up sheepishly.

He tries not to think too much about how much he'd missed hearing the other's laugh.

"Come,” Eliott turns on his heals and exits the room, without waiting to make sure Lucas is coming.

Feeling more awkward than ever before, and totally out of place, Lucas follows him silently.

They arrive in an open kitchen and the younger man doesn’t have to wait long before Eliott kindly encourages him to take a seat. Lucas sits down carefully, looking around discretely as he does so. He doesn’t recognize their surroundings.

Is this Eliott’s new apartment? Was Lucas in his bedroom?

In his _bed_?

Isn’t Eliott’s new lover going to be upset that Lucas – Eliott’s ex-boyfriend – slept there?

A plate full of spaghetti Bolognese covered with Parmesan cheese sliding in front of him interrupts his thoughts. It looks surprisingly edible but Lucas still feels a little groggy and isn’t sure how his stomach is going to welcome the food despite being obviously hungry.

He looks up at Eliott then, and although the other’s eyes are betraying a worried glint, a shy smile is pulling at the corner his lips.

“I lied. Idriss cooked the pasta, I just re heated them and added the cheese. We – uh, moved in together a few weeks ago.”

Lucas takes note of this information, carefully storing it away somewhere in his mind, and unsure how to answer without betraying himself, so he simply nods. Is Eliott’s new lover living with them? Lucas cannot remember noticing any signs indicating two people are sharing Eliott’s bedroom.

If Idriss is also living here, maybe Lucas can ask Imane if she knows anything… But he quickly dismisses this idea; he has no right to ask that of her. These are not her problems and he doesn’t want to put her into any sort of uncomfortable position.

Lucas puts a stop to his thoughts and instead, focuses on taking a shy bite of his pasta under Eliott’s unreadable gaze. The younger boy takes his time chewing each bite methodically.

He isn’t sure how to address the elephant in the room.

“It’s nice. Thank you,” he says quietly after swallowing down his second bite, “and uh… thank you for, uh… the clothes and –“

“It’s OK, Lucas,” Eliott interrupts him, probably sensing his growing embarrass.

Although he just tried to reassure him, he too, seems a little unsettled by the situation they are currently finding themselves in. But at least Eliott is not hangover and doesn’t have to face the shame that comes with it and… all the rest.

They fall quiet and Lucas takes a few more bites. The silence stretches and grows heavier between them, and as he keeps chewing methodically on his food, Lucas carefully risks a glimpse from under his lashes.

Eliott is sitting opposite him and he is looking down pensively at the hand he has resting on the table. His fingers are taping lightly on the wood surface, while at the same time rubbing the fingertips of his other hand against his lips. Lucas has spent enough time with him to still be able to recognize this as a sign that his ex-boyfriend is either nervous or feeling uncomfortable. Or both.

“What time is it? ”, Lucas croaks out when he can no longer stand the silence only broken by the repetitive noise of tapping fingers on the table.

He instinctively reaches for his pocket to grab his phone before remembering he is not wearing his own clothes. For the first time since he woke up, Lucas wonders where his clothes and other belongings are.

When he hears Lucas’ voice, Eliott snaps out of the thoughts he had obviously lost himself in and looks up, eyes slightly surprised - as if he had forgotten Lucas is still sitting in his kitchen with him. The surprise disappears as fast as it appeared though, and Eliott quickly retrieves his own phone from his pocket.

“Almost 12pm.”

Lucas isn’t sure what else to say so he nods. Fortunately for his nerves, the silence doesn’t last this time.

”I washed your clothes. And I have your phone and wallet, too. Did you have anything else with you? This is all we could find that I recognized as yours.”

“No that was all,” Lucas breathes out, relieved, but then quickly feels mortified at the thought of Eliott looking through Julien’s apartment for his belongings.

There is absolutely no doubt in his mind, that Eliott hasn’t missed the obvious signs of drugs usage and alcohol consumption. If the state he found Lucas in hadn't already been a pretty clear indicator of what had happened there. As Lucas tries to remember where he left his stuff the night before, he realizes that Eliott would have had to look in the bedroom, where Lucas’ clothes and wallet had been... along with a full, used and abandoned condom on the floor.

Lucas feels himself blush profusely.

What a despicable image this whole scene must have reflected about him.

Eliott already thought Lucas was not good enough… After seeing this, he is probably even more disgusted with him and glad that he no longer is a part of his life.

Above all, Lucas feels pathetic.

This line of thoughts inevitably brings his memory back to Singlet Guy and Bald Guy and he can’t control the shiver of fear and disgust that shakes his body.

What they had tried to do… Lucas feels like an idiot. He’d put himself in this dangerous situation and hadn’t find anything better than to contact his ex to pull his ass out of trouble. To show him Lucas couldn’t even defend himself and was such an easy target for people with the worse intentions. His ex he’d been so angry with, despite trying his best to understand that it was Eliott’s right to fall in love with someone else.

Lucas suddenly feels the urgent need to get out of here.

_I shouldn’t be there._

“I should text Mika and Manon, they must be worried after not hearing from me for a whole night.”

“Uh – two, actually,” Eliott corrects him and when Lucas’ head snaps up, the older boy explains further. ”Uhm. Yeah. Today is Sunday. You slept through Saturday. Well. Not exactly – you actually woke up at some point during the afternoon but you were still pretty out of it. I made you drink some water and then helped you to the bathroom. You fell straight back asleep after that. I already messaged Mika so, don’t worry about them.”

Once again, Lucas feels mortified. If right now, the ground could open wide and swallow him up, that’d be the best thing that ever happened to him.

He doesn’t remember any of that. Not a single second of it.

The only thing left to do, is to hope he didn’t say or do anything stupid. Having his ex-boyfriend nursing him back to life after finding him completely out of his mind and about to be abused, is already embarrassing enough as it is.

Lucas figures he must have been pretty damned exhausted and the substances he'd consumed must still have been on the way out of his body.

He feels his cheeks heat up and his eyes burn. He swallows heavily in a weak attempt to keep his emotions inside. Now is definitely not the time to cry.

“I’m sorry for calling you,” he mutters instead, not meeting the other's eyes.

He wants to add more but the words get stuck in his throat.

It feels unfair, somehow, to have to apologize to the man that broke his heart. But Lucas ending up in this situation had been his own fault, and it had also been pretty unfair to drag Eliott back in his life in such a way.

“Please, don’t apologize, Lucas. I told you that you could count on me at any time. I’m glad you called me. I couldn’t have lived with myself had anything happened to you...”

Lucas can hear some emotions colouring Eliott’s voice as he finishes talking in an almost-whisper.

The other boy seems about to add something but restrains himself momentarily. Lucas can now tell he is anxious by the way he is tugging on his sleeve, and he doesn't reply, waiting for him to continue.

“I just – I was so worried when I got your call at 2am in the morning, sounding completely out of it… and then I heard the voice and the noises.” Eliott’s voice breaks down and Lucas feels his throat tighten when he realizes how worried Eliott had been for him despite how pitiful he must have looked and sounded. Despite the fact that Eliott didn’t love him anymore.

Maybe he cared more than Lucas had originally thought. Or maybe it’s guilt? Lucas isn’t so sure anymore.

He swallows, finally finding the courage to ask the question burning his tongue.

“What happened?” It comes out as another whisper and Eliott sighs, clearly trying to remain calm.

Lucas can see the agitation quickly making its way in Eliott’s eyes, now.

“I woke up Idriss as soon as I understood you were in trouble. We rode his motorbike straight to the location you sent me - thanks fuck there was no traffic at this time of the night… we could make it in 20 minutes. It was the worse 20 minutes of my life, Lucas.” Eliott bores his eyes in Lucas’ own eyes as he says his name, voice breaking down again.

Lucas feels paralysed under the intensity of Eliott’s eyes and all the emotions swirling inside these bluish galaxies.

The younger man can’t help but feel guilty when a slight shiver of satisfaction courses through him, as he hears how worried Eliott had been for him.

“These two assholes were trying to pick the lock when we arrived. They were quite… out of their mind and obviously under the influence of drugs. Idriss and I managed to knock them off…” his voices trails off before he finishes in a sad whisper, “how did you find yourself there, Lucas? Is it… is it something that you often do? The drugs?”

For a second, Lucas is surprised by at all the emotions that transpired through Eliott’s eyes and voice in such a short time.

This is both scary and fascinating.

As he realises he definitely can’t give him the answers to his questions, Lucas lowers his eyes and stands up.

“I should go, I’m sorry.”

Eliott’s chair rattles on the floor and faster than Lucas has time to realise what’s happening, the older boy is standing into Lucas’ personal space and pulling him into a crushing hug.

“Please, tell me these assholes didn’t touch you,” he whispers, a broken plea against Lucas’ ear and hair, “when you fell practically unconscious in my arms, half naked, and neck covered in bruises – and I saw the condom in the bedroom... Lucas, please… tell me they didn’t –“

“No,” Lucas chokes, overwhelmed by his emotions and Eliott’s unexpected physical demonstration of affection.

He closes his eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the tears, breathing in Eliott’s sent against his better judgement – paper, smoke, wood, paint, cologne... it hasn’t changed one bit. As heart broken as he’d been – and still is – the smell is comforting, so comforting. Especially when he needs so much comfort after remembering what almost occurred back there, in this terrible apartment from hell.

“They didn’t.”

He feels Eliott’s shoulders sag with relief and his arms tighten around him.

Lucas lets himself bask in the comfort for a few seconds until he reluctantly pulls apart and sniffles.

“I should probably go,” he mutters.

Eliott seems reluctant, but nods.

“I’ll grab your clothes, they were pretty dirty so I washed them. I, ah. I also had to rinse you in the shower before putting you in bed. I hope you don’t mind that I, uh… saw you naked. I tried to be really quick. I just thought you’d be more comfortable clean. And don’t worry, I slept on the couch.”

Lucas feels grateful that Eliott is concerned about how he would have felt by being manhandled after such a traumatic experience.

It feels weird; to have a positive feeling for him after all the negative he'd had these past weeks.

“I’m sorry you had to sleep on the couch because of me,” and because he wants him to know, he adds in a mutter, “I don’t trust you anymore. But I know I was safe with you... that you'd never have taken advantage of me that way.”

Eliott has a small, sad smile at that, but nods understandingly before disappearing further into the flat to retrieve Lucas’ clothes. The smaller boy almost feels regrets to have to remove Eliott’s clothes and thus, part from their smell.

Once he is back in his own, clean clothes and ready to go, Lucas walks to the door.

“Lucas. I don’t mean to interfere in your life,” he hears behind him and knows Eliott is close behind, “it’s not my right, after… well. You know. But… please. Be careful with the drugs.”

Lucas stops, hand on the handle, ready to open the door. He’d been hoping the topic wouldn’t be brought up so he simply nods, ready to step out.

Which doesn’t happen - Eliott grab his arms unexpectedly and Lucas has no choice but to turn slightly.

“Is it because of me? The drugs…? Because… because I broke up with you?”

Lucas stares blankly at the hand holding his arm.

What should he say? The truth? Admit out loud how pathetic he is for not being able to get over a breakup?

As much as he’s hurt from the way Eliott broke up with him, can he really put all the guilt from his own mistakes on his ex-lover’s shoulders? Can he really admit that the self-destructive habits were born because of the insecurities the breakup increased?

It would be fair, wouldn’t it?

To share some of the pain. To make him hurt like Lucas did.

And as much as a part of him wants to make Eliott suffer, too, Lucas can’t bring himself to do it.

Especially after Eliott rescued him – it definitely doesn’t erase the heartache he caused, but it also makes being upset at him harder. At least for the moment. The breakup might have created a butterfly effect that brought Lucas to this situation, but Eliott never told him to lose himself in drugs. Never told him to surround himself with bad company.

“Don’t be so full of yourself. It’s not,” he lies, and for the first time, his voice doesn't waver. “I’ve been having some fun. One of my flings introduced me to drugs and I was curious. You know – to experience. But I’m done. Yesterday was just a stupid mistake. It won’t happen again.”

And this time, he’s not lying.

What happened definitely severed his need for this kind of burn and adrenaline. The simple though of touching anything that can put him in this terrible state, makes him want to throw up. He never wants to have drugs ever again.

He never wants to forget himself to the point that he can be taken advantage of. It’s not who he wants to be.

“So… you’ve been doing OK, then?” Eliott asks timidly.

And Lucas nods.

“I’m doing great.”

He hopes the smile is convincing, too. Eliott nods and Lucas frees his arm.

“Thank you,” he says, already looking away, “if you could tell Idriss to keep that for himself…”

“He won’t tell anyone,” Eliott confirms, "and no one talks to me anymore, so..."

Lucas nods, slightly relieved.

He offers a pinched smile that he's sure looks more like a wince and turns, quickly taking the stairs to head out of the building and finally get the fresh air he's been desperate for.

.

.

.

A couple of days later, Lucas is surprised to receive a text from Eliott - he's simply asking him if he’s going to press charges against the guys that assaulted him and if he needs any witnesses.

At first, Lucas doesn’t reply. He feels hesitant and wary. Is exchanging messages with his ex-boyfriend really such a good idea after all he's been through because of him?

Besides, he is still pretty ashamed of what almost happened and of the fact that Eliott witnessed it. Lucas won’t admit it out loud because of his hurt pride, but he is still quite shaken by the whole ordeal.

These past two days, the events of that night have been playing like a broken record in his mind, again and again, and he hasn’t exactly known what to do with himself. In the end, maybe this is why the need to talk about what happened and get things off his chest, becomes stronger than the shame. So he replies. He admits that he hadn’t even considered it and timidly asks for his advice.

Eliott gives him his opinion, which is in favour of Lucas going to the police. In return, he reads Lucas' reply when the younger man explains why he doesn’t want to do it and he doesn’t judge him when Lucas takes the final decision to not report the incident.

There are few reasons that push him not to report the two guys. Lucas is insecure about having to go to someone - that can possibly be intimidating depending on the policeman assigned to his case - and admit out loud that he almost got raped by two other dudes. He is afraid of the judgmental looks. He is afraid of having to mention the drugs. He is afraid of having to deal with someone homophobic. He is afraid that without any proofs or without knowing the guy’s identities, it wouldn’t lead to anything. Lucas knows it can sometimes be quite the struggle for girls to get justice when there’s only a few little elements to support their cases, even when a rape did happen… so he really has doubts on what would happen to him - a boy - who technically speaking... didn’t actually get raped.

Lucas is aware that in an ideal world, he’d have the balls to do it because such things shouldn’t stay unpunished. In an ideal world, he wouldn't have to fear facing homophobia and an unfair justice. But right now, and considering how fragile his almost non-existing confidence feels, he doesn’t think he could go through it all and decides not to inflict this to himself.

Eliott doesn’t seem too happy about Lucas’ decision but he doesn’t insist either, probably realizing that any insisting arguments from him regarding the younger boy's life, isn’t too welcomed anymore.

For a few more days, they keep messaging about the whole topic, justice and rape and justice for LGBTQ people in general. Eliott doesn’t ask once how Lucas found himself in this situation and Lucas is actually relieved to have someone that knows him so well to talk about this. A few weeks ago only, he would never have imagined being able to talk so neutrally to Eliott and he feels quite proud of himself for starting to accept his new reality. The reality where Eliott fell in love with someone else and Lucas reacts maturely to it despite a really bad breakup. He is still angry about it, but doesn't feel any strength to express it anymore.

There are a few times when Lucas feels guilty about talking with Eliott, thinking the other man's new lover would probably not like that so much but he can’t bring himself to care more than that.

October arrives and goes and at some points, Lucas accepts Arthur’s renewed offer to move in with him and his mom. So Lucas moves in, and takes one more step toward healing.

Some days - when he almost forgets about his bad experience - the temptation to get drunk and high beyond reasons creeps back and there’s a few times Lucas’ thumb hovers over the Tinder app, before remembering that this isn't him anymore and immediately deleting it. He will not put himself in any kind of risk again, and will not show this sad, past aspect of himself to his new flatmates. He also really doesn't want to get kicked out.

He actually enjoys living here and having his own bedroom again.

Arthur’s mom is often away at her new work or out seeing friends she'd stopped seeing because of her ex-husband. When she’s home at the same time Lucas is, he actually genuinely enjoys their conversations. She’s one of the rare persons he dares talking with about his pain regarding the breakup, and her words always seem to be right and to sooth him.

He also goes to visit his own mom a couple of times. This is probably not enough as his two visits each last a little less than an hour. Lucas had stopped visiting her during the summer, when he was spiraling down the destructive path of sex, drugs and alcohol, and he feels like if he stays too long, she’s going to easily read him and find out about what he did.

Lucas had been afraid he would need rehab or something, but as he'd never have done any of the hard, addictive drugs, he manages to be OK. Living with Arthur and his mom gives him a sense of stability. Talking to Eliott again, sometimes for three days in a row and other time nothing in a week, also helps. They never mention their breakup and keep their conversations to random, light topics.

After finishing on the topic of justice, Lucas figures Eliott is only still texting him out of guilt and to make sure he never get called again at 2am to come and rescue him. But when the older man keeps messaging him, Lucas convinces himself that maybe he simply wants to become friends. He himself isn’t sure he wants that, and thinks that maybe one day he should simply block Eliott’s number, for his own sanity. But not today.

He is still in love with Eliott, he realizes. There is no point denying it. And texting him is both a relief and slow torture. So yeah, maybe it's the wrong thing to do. Maybe this means he hasn’t actually stopped his self-destructive behaviour. Maybe this is just a new way he’s found to suffer. He isn’t sure why he is inflicting this to himself. He knows he should stop the messaging, only just so he can stop having a little heart break every time Eliott’s name appears on his screen.

But he can’t.

And he accepts the hurt, scared that if it stops, he will be looking for other way to hurt himself despite his scare at Julien's apartment. The few times Lucas tries to convince himself to stop messaging Eliott, it isn’t long until his mind turns to darker thoughts.

He knows that his friends would not approve of him still talking to Eliott so he doesn’t tell them. Just like he hasn’t told anyone about what happened, which means, Idriss and Eliott are the only ones that know about his fuck up.

Lucas isn’t sure where his anger has gone, maybe he’s just definitely grown too mentally tired. Or maybe he simply has accepted that Eliott no longer wants him in a romantic way. But this is okay, at least, Lucas still has Eliott in his life – for the moment, he’d rather have Eliott has an acquaintance than not have him at all – and he slowly learns to leave with that and all it implies.

Lucas also tries to invest himself more in his studies to catch up on what he's missed, and always hang up with the Gang when they suggest it – he can see, the relief this change of attitude brings them and it makes him feel happy in return.

He'd also blocked all his hook up contacts and everything that could tempt him with going out like this again. The day after the accident, Julien had texted Lucas, and Lucas had simply replied to him that they couldn’t keep seeing each others and advised him to be careful with the people he was meeting with. He blocked his number too, after that.

This is around the time Lucas seemingly seems to get better, that he meets someone new.

He’d always tried to wear protection whenever he had sex but… he also knows there has been a few times he’s been to drunk too care. Too careless.

So after gathering some more courage, he decides to get tested.

He visits a hospital where he can do that anonymously, which means that his name won’t be saved in any records and that he can just walk in without any appointment. His only identification will be through a file number.

He enters the clinic shyly, face hidden inside his hood as much as possible and looks down, not daring to meet anyone’s eyes walking in the corridors. He barely looks up again, only doing so to glance at the signs indicating in which direction he needs to go.

When he finds the waiting room, he steps in quietly and sits on the chair located the furthest away from the few people already there, trying to make himself appear as small as possible. He knows that everyone is here for the same thing and that there is no shame to have, that he could simply be there to check everything is fine before starting a serious relationship for example, but Lucas still can’t help but feel ashamed, feeling like everyone can just read on his face that he’s been with too many men to be healthy.

He keeps himself busy on his phone the whole time, and when his turn finally comes, he stands up quickly and hurries inside the room after the doctor’s assistant.

The doctor that welcomes him – a man in his fifties with already grayish hair – doesn’t judge him when Lucas answers to a few of his questions hesitantly. Notably, when Lucas isn’t able to give the exact number of partners he’s had the past weeks or when he mumbles that yes, they were all men and he hasn’t always had protected sex with them. Especially the times he was high or drugged. He mentions the drugs because he isn’t sure if it can alter his result in any way, but keeps it vague when the doctor doesn’t ask too much about it and rapidly continues with more questions.

No, he isn’t here because one of his partners told him they had an STD. No, he doesn’t have any kind of unusual symptoms at the moment. Yes, it’s the first time he gets tested. No, he isn’t on any kind of medications. No, he isn't on PrEP and doesn't know much about it all. No, he doesn’t exactly know about those. Yes, he’s had both oral and anal sex and he’s aware both can be risky. No, he doesn't have any existing medical condition.

The doctor keeps a neutral face the whole time, which considerably helps Lucas feeling slightly more comfortable.

He blushes slightly when the doctor gives him a couple of leaflets about how to have safe sex and other things related to sex between two men in particular. Lucas pockets it without a word.

After his talk with the doctor, a nurse comes and guides him to another room to take his blood. Once this is done, she gives him a little plastic container to pee in. She shows him the bathroom across the corridor and Lucas hurries inside. He is slightly annoyed when he notices the lock doesn’t work because – shouldn’t a hospital be careful about these things? It’s not like it’s the hospital's public toilets since you need to be an actual patient to use those ones, but still. He places his backpack against the door just in case.

Lucas’ heart is beating fast as he tries to pee in the little container, stress suddenly peaking, and he swears when he spills some on his hand.

Once he’s done, he goes to the sink and rinses the now closed containers before drying it up with paper towels and placing it safely on top of the hand dryer. Then he goes back to the sink to thoroughly wash his hands, rubbing and rubbing, almost wishing that this could wash away all the potential diseases and infections he is imagining himself having.

There's no point stressing now, he tries to reassure himself, grabbing a few paper towels to carefully dry his hands. He won’t have the tests results straight away. He knows it's perfectly possible that he hasn’t caught anything, but he's also aware that there is a slight chance that he did, get something.

He’s basically never felt so nervous about something before - not even for the bac - and can’t believe he’s been so stupid. He is mentally berating himself as he walks to the door, thoughts about what he’ll possibly do if any of the tests comes back positive swirling in his mind when he bends do grab his backpack before heading out, looking down once again.

As he walks back toward the waiting room and sees the assistant's desk where he is supposed to drop his urine sample for the nurse to grab it, he suddenly realizes something is missing.

He’s been so concerned and focused on thinking about all the different outcomes, that he forgot the container with his urine on top of the hand dryer.

His already restless heart misses a beat.

He rushes up the corridor, half-walking half-running, and doesn’t think twice when he pushes the bathroom’s door open, eyes frantic, already looking for the hand dryer as he walks in hurriedly and –

“Shit!”

He turns his head just on time to see someone scramble with their pants, hastily turning to protect their privacy.

Lucas’ eyes widen and he freezes.

“Sorry!” , he blurts out and instead of walking out, his next reflex is to quickly cover his eyes with both hands and turn in the opposite direction. “I just – I, uh I forgot – I’ll just – “

Lucas struggles with his words, not knowing if he should rush for his container or get out and let the stranger finish his business.

“Man, either get in or get out, but you mind closing that door?” The guy asks, actually sounding more amused than embarrassed.

Lucas nods and steps back, hands still hiding his eyes as he reaches the corridor before turning and blindly trying to grab the handle to close the door. 

He feels completely mortified - not only did he walk in on a stranger while he was peeing in his container, but now, said stranger is also going to see Lucas’ own little container innocently waiting for him.

He’s still wondering if it’s too late to just run out of the hospital and never come back when the door opens.

Lucas looks up and is met with two amused eyes.

The young man facing him is smirking, and Lucas can’t help but notice how surprisingly beautiful his eyes are. His hazel eyes. This is not a color that normally catches Lucas’ attention.

“Looking for this?”

He is pulled out of his observation when the stranger holds up Lucas’ container, wrapped in a paper towel.

_Yuck._

Lucas’ eyes flick down to the man’s other hand holding another container, before doubtfully looking back to the one that is apparently supposed to be his.

“Are you sure this one’s mine?” He asks skeptically, one eyebrow raised and his head slightly tilted on the side.

He immediately wants to slap himself.

With all he could have said – thank you, sorry – he had to ask that.

The stranger doesn’t seem offended though, because Lucas next hears him chuckle.

“It wouldn’t be in my best interest to be careless and swap.”

“Are you saying I might have STD’s?” Lucas challenges now, and really, why can’t he just apologize, take the container and go?

But he’s been so worried about having caught some kind of disease, that the slight insinuation has him losing control. But he can’t help it, he’s stressed, and stress often turns him into a walking disaster that doesn't think before acting or talking. Besides, he certainly doesn’t need to have someone else’s pee analyzed instead of his own.

Fortunately for him, the stranger still doesn't seem to get annoyed with him, and only quirks an amused eyebrow.

“No. I’m saying that if _I_ have something, I’d like to know so I can be treated properly.”

_Oh._

It makes sense. Lucas instantly calms down, feeling quite stupid and rude now.

“Sorry, that was pretty rude,” he says quietly, biting his lower lip in embarrassment.

“No problems. I get it. First times are always quite nerve wrecking. So are you gonna... ”

The stranger doesn’t finish his sentence and instead, slightly shakes the hands holding Lucas’ container between them.

“Oh! Uh - yeah. Sorry.” Lucas repeats and rushes to grab it.

And see, he could have simply grabbed his container like a normal person, and go. But in the precipitation dictated by his still, stressed and embarrassed brain, his feet gets tangles in the backpack he’d put on the floor while waiting and –

He trips and falls forward.

The stranger’s hands immediately shoot out to catch Lucas before he crashes into him, and it’s only when Lucas hears something falling on the floor that he realises the hands holding him are now empty.

The other man securely pushes him back on his feet, and when they finally both look down...The two little containers have rolled away together and are now waiting next to each other, looking identical.

Lucas blinks.

Then his eyes widen when he realises what just happened and he looks up, waiting for the other’s reaction, fearing that he’s finally broken the stranger’s patience. But the other man only raises a hand to scratch at the back of his head, still looking perplexedly at the twin containers.

“ Damn. I literally just emptied my bladder for this.”

This is the moment the nurse comes out of her office and she walks in their direction when she notices them simply standing there. One look at their face and then at the floor, is enough for her to understand the situation.

“Well. If you'll allow me gentlemen-" she starts as she walks past them, "ll get that for you.”

She picks up the little containers with her gloved covered hands, before turning to the still, two immobile men.

“I’d happily give you both a new container now, but I feel like you might want to visit the hospital cafeteria first? Unless you already feel like going back to the bathroom and don't need to have a drink?”

Lucas is still too flustered to say anything but the stranger doesn't seem to have the same problem. He recovers quickly and offers a bright, charming smile at the nurse.

“Good idea. The cafeteria it is, then. We'll be back soon.”

Lucas is still bewildered as he looks at the other man and - wait, what?

_We?_

The nurse offers a smile back before walking away and the stranger follows behind her. He stops when he notices Lucas isn’t following.

“You coming? I think you owe me a drink?”

.

.

.

A few minutes later find Lucas and the stranger sitting at a table inside the hospital cafeteria, Lucas sipping on his coffee and the stranger on his offered, hot chocolate.

They’ve actually been talking quite amicably; the other man is so friendly and comfortable to be around, that Lucas’ embarrass had quickly dissipated despite the awkward situation he'd created.

“I certainly wouldn't have imagined when I woke up this morning, that I'd be having a drink at the hospital cafeteria with the cute guy that walked in on me as I was peeing in my container,” the taller man chuckles.

Lucas feels himself blush. Did this guy really hit on him while they are trying to fill their bladders after Lucas not only got their containers mixed up, but also rudely walked in on him?

“I’m really sorry about that” Lucas flushes both from the compliment and from the embarrassment, feeling like he’s apologizing for the hundredth time today.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault their lock is completely fucked.”

“I mean also for, erm, you know getting it all mixed up,” he says with a wince and when he turns his eyes toward the stranger, he notices that he is looking at him with a cheeky little smirk.

“You really are a little disaster, aren’t you?”

“Hey!”, Lucas’ jaw drops but it quickly transforms into an open mouth smile as he lowers his chin to bashfully look at his coffee, shaking his head slightly.

The other man chuckles and Lucas follows his lead.

“I was just really nervous,” he ends up admiting with a little smile, actually quite charmed by the other’s bluntness.

"I understand, you know – the first time I got tested, I literally dragged my best friend with me so I wouldn’t be alone. If anything, I think you’re quite brave to come here all alone.”

“My friend was supposed to come with me, but we’ve been having hot water issues at home. So when the plumber called this morning to say he'd had a cancellation and could come in the afternoon... we couldn’t really say no because of me. We’re kinda done with cold showers.”

The handsome stranger nods and takes a new sip of his hot chocolate.

“Ah. Understandable. It’s a shame your partner couldn't be there, though. It’s often a big step in a relationship, getting tested and all.”

Lucas chuckles.

“Oh no - I don't have a partner. Arthur is just my flatmate. I recently moved in with him and his mom.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have just assumed,” the other man apologizes immediately. He only hesitates a few seconds before smiling and sending Lucas a quick wink as he adds,"I just had trouble imagining someone like you being single.”

Lucas purses his lips at that, completely missing the compliment as his mood darkens slightly.

“My ex-boyfriend actually left me for someone else last July.”

As soon as it comes out of his mouth, Lucas isn’t sure why he's just admitted that to a stranger. It’s not like it’s really to his advantage to reveal that he was boring enough that his ex had decided to break up with him. He doesn't know why he felt so comfortable sharing this information. Maybe talking about it with a total stranger that doesn’t know anything about him and that he will never see again, makes it easier.

Lucas is expecting to hear the other man apologize or something like that, so he is surprised when none of it comes.

“He clearly wasn’t thinking straight.”

Lucas looks up and stares at the other man in what probably looks like a weird, constipated facial expression, his lips tightening together as he tries to stop himself from reacting to the thought that jumped into his mind… but he can’t help it.

Maybe it’s all the nerves finally wearing off or the tension he'd been containing dissipating and leaving him in a weird state – he isn’t sure. He bursts into laughter.

The stranger looks at him strangely and Lucas hardly manages to contain his hilarity.

“That's the worst part! I don't even know about that,” and when faced with even more, confused eyes, he adds giggling, “if he was thinking _straight_ or not.”

The stranger blinks. One time. Two times, and Lucas thinks, that this is it - if it hadn't already been the case before, he probably finished to convince the other man of how much of a disaster _and_ a cringy idiot he is.

But in the end, the stranger snorts before bursting into laughter, too.

“Oh my god. That was such a bad pun that I feel like I have no choice but to laugh, too.”

“Hey - you said that first, not me.”

“Except there was no bad pun indented on my side.”

They laugh for a few more minutes, the stranger teasing Lucas on his bad humor and Lucas trying to finds himself some excuses, before a comfortable silence punctuated with soft, amused smiles, settles on them.

For the first time in a long time, Lucas realizes that he is feeling fully relaxed and happy.

“I was serious though,” the stranger interrupts his thoughts, and Lucas notices his cheeks have now a light pinkish color, “I can’t imagine what crossed his mind to ever want to leave someone like you. I can tell only just from the little we’ve interacted together, that you have quite the interesting personality. And the looks, too.”

Lucas feels his stomach flutters pleasantly and the tip of his ears warming up. He isn’t really used to get this kind of generous compliment. All the compliments he’s had recently were drunk and horny talk destined to get him in bed.

It feels good, though. To receive a compliment for who he is without the alcohol's influence. To be sober and have a discussion with another man as equally sober, without any other purposes but the one to be kind. And a conversation with a quite attractive man at that too.

Lucas looks up timidly from under his eyelashes and he’s met with the other’s hazel, kind eyes and gentle smile. His own lips pull up slightly as warmth spreads through his chest.

“Says the kind man who just comforted the total disaster of a stranger, that ruined his day.”

He can’t help it, downplaying himself.

There is a small silence before the other man replies, seeming hesitant and shy for the first time since they met.

“We don’t have to stay strangers.” Lucas' eybrows rise up, surprised by the other’s forwardness. “We could exchange numbers and meet again, somewhere more comfortable and smelling less like antiseptics?”

Lucas’ face falls slightly.

Is he really being asked out? Can Lucas really go out on while he’s still trying to sort his life out?

He doesn’t want to fall back into a habit of meaningless sex and this man sitting across from him, definitely deserves more than a hook up with Lucas. Besides, he's pretty positive – without any bad pun this time, there’s been enough for today – that he can’t imagine himself seeing someone until he’s had all his tests results.

And above all, can he really picture himself going out with another man? Because going out and having sex is one thing, but actually dating, is different.

The look on his face must have been pretty communicative because he doesn’t have the time to reply.

“Or not. I’m sorry, that was pretty rude of me. You literally just told me that you recently came out of a relationship.”

Lucas feels slightly torn but in the end, in swallows, his decision taken.

“It’s just – It wasn’t an easy breakup and I haven’t had the best… company, since then. I got out of it but I’m not sure I’m in the right headspace just yet.”

“Please, don’t worry about it. You’re right. You probably need to sort your life before considering even getting to know someone new. No hard feelings.”

The handsome stranger smiles reassuringly and Lucas returns it as best as he can, relieved nonetheless to see to the other doesn’t hold a grudge.

After that, they rapidly finish their drink and it isn’t too long until they both feel the need to use the bathroom and head back upstairs.

As Lucas exits the hospital alone, some thirty minutes later, he realizes that they haven’t even exchanges their names.

.

.

.

Lucas almost forgets all about the hospital incident until the two weeks he needed to wait for have passed, and it's finally time for him to go and get his results.

This time, Arthur is free to accompany him and the brunet is quite relieved not to have to face this alone. To have someone he trusts to be there and support him.

Arthur and him have actually become quite close, to the point of being practically attached to the hip. They spend most of their time in the other's company: they walk to Uni together, share a few classes, eat lunch and then walk back home together. When they are not studying together in one of their rooms, they watch movies or play video games or hang out with Basile and Yann when the two other boys’ schedule allow it.

Since he's moved in with him, Lucas has had many more occasions to open himself up to his blond friend - though, he never mentioned the accident or the fact that he still messages Eliott from time to time. But apart from that, he ends up confiding in him more than in any other person, and Arthur seems to do the same in return.

It's often that after watching a movie or playing games, they'd end up simply lying down on one of their bed, talking for hours about everything and nothing. In these quiet moments out of time and cocooned by the reassuring darkness, keeper of secrets, they'd had both talked about their emotions and feelings and their life in generals. Their parents, their childhood memories, their futur amibtions, their doubts...

Which is how Arthur ended up knowing all about Lucas' doubts regarding his health.

As they walk inside the clinic and then enter the waiting room, Lucas can’t help but furtively look around, unconsciously looking for hazel eyes.

Wouldn’t it be logical for the stranger to also have his results today?

Though, there could be many reasons why this day might not have been convenient for him. Or maybe he came in the morning. Lucas doesn’t really have time to think more about it as his turn to see the doctor rapidely arrives.

He gives his file number and the doctor looks for it into his computer. Lucas feels nervous, so nervous - his legs are bouncing up and down while the doctor reads his file, worry grows even more when he isn’t able to see any kind of emotions on the older man's face.

He almost wishes he’d accepted Arthur’s offer to come in with him.

“Ah. That’s right.”

The doctor’s words almost make him jump out of his skin, although he'd been impatiently waiting to hear him talk. He suddenly feels like he’s about to pass out as he waits for him to continue.

“So HIV, hepatitis, are negative,” he starts without looking away from his screen, and Lucas holds his breath while the different names are being listed, all negative until - “chlamydia is positive.”

Lucas swallows. His head feels like it's about to spin.

“Don’t worry, it’s really benign, especially for men,” the doctors adds immediately when he finally looks up from his screen and notices Lucas’ sick-green complexion. “Depending on some men, it can take up from one week to a few months before feeling any kind of symptoms, which means that if you’ve contracted it recently, it can also explains why you haven’t noticed anything unusual. The nurse will give you a pill and it will all be gone in a few days, without any consequences on our health.”

Lucas has trouble regaining a normal breathing. He can’t believe it - he can’t - so there won't be any serious consequences to his reckless behaviour?

“Tha-that’s all?”

The doctor smiles and nods.

“That’s all. But you can’t have any sexual intercourse for the next two weeks and if you can, warn the partners you’ve had.”

Lucas feels himself paling. He hadn't thought about that.

He has deleted every single contact he's ever had related to his… debauchery. He can’t help but feel terrible as he exits the hospital after seeing the nurse and taking the pill that is going to rid him from his STD. Arthur tries to reassure him, telling him that it doesn’t make him a bad person, that maybe he got it from one of the last person he’d sex with and that anyway, there is nothing he can do now. Lucas simply nods.

_Lesson learned,_ he thinks, wincing.

At least, now he’s going to be able to sleep at night without worrying. He actually feels cleaner and lighter than he’s ever felt. It’s like a weight has been lifted off from his shoulders and he finally allows himself to smile as they head back to the metro.

On the same evening, they go to Basile’s apartment. Their friend’s mother is away for the weekend and Basile has taken the opportunity to host his first game night ever. He’d be pretty ecstatic about that, especially because he’d made two new friends recently, and had been wanting to introduce them to the Gang. And even though Lucas had felt a little tired after the day's rollercoaster of emotions, he didn’t want to disappoint his friend and figured that after all, maybe it'd be the perfect opportunity for him to celebrate. With soft drinks - he still absolutely doesn't feel like having any kind of alcohol for the moment. 

The curly haired boy squeals happily as he hugs Arhur and Lucas tightly, before excitedly leading them through the little inner courtyard of his building and then inside and up the stairs to his flat. When they enter the living room, Lucas immediately spots Yann - he is facing him, apparently busy talking with someone that is probably one of Basile’s new friend. He quickly notices Lucas, though, and smiles brightly at him.

The happy expression that starts growing on Lucas' face as he approchaes his best friend suddenly freezes at the same time the other man turns his head to follow Yann's gaze. 

Lucas’ jaw drops when his eyes are met with dark hair, tanned skin, light stubble and… hazel eyes.

Basile doesn’t seem to notice Lucas’ shock – he slides an arm around his shoulder and the other around Arthur’s, then he grins happily.

“Arthur, Lucas - meet Mathis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first wrote this chapter, I wasn't yet as attached as I am now to Mathis. But as I was editing the chapter, my mind apparently thought he deserved to have his first appearance in Lucas' life described a little more precisely. 
> 
> Next Chapter: Poor Arthur is confused. Lucas, on the contrary, does some serious thinking and comes to a decision. So does Eliott. 
> 
> (It will this be this long flashback's last chapter - unless I once again get inspired to extend a scene and the chapter ends up being too long - this one's 9K and I thought it was starting to be too long? My eyes thought so anyway lol)


End file.
